Etiquette in the modern work place and elsewhere
Today at work I fought over the last pound in England. It had been held by a gentleman called Robinson Marionette. He started life making puppets in the south coast, till the Falklands war when he decided to serve the queen as a puppet master general. Little was said of his work in rescuing South Georgia from the Argentinians but due to the official secrets he had to keep quiet of the sterling works. That was till Brigadier General Graham George Sterling wrote a book on the events of the Puppets of South Georgia. This drove Marionette mad so starting a crime wave of audacity.
First the Teddy Bear museum was burned to the ground, though the bears had been taken out first. Each week in winter, Teddy bears were found mutilated all over the country, some their innards scattered over the parks of London. Then in Birmingham the heads of five silver bears had been stretched over the war memorial over the don't skate signs. With the skaters not warned of not skating over this monument for the dead, $250 dollars worth of damage had been done.
Robinson Marionette's crime wave then took him to Leeds, by stealing the Yorkshire accent from the city. The rest of Yorkshire woke up to find the city having to speak in a strange northern accent which to some hovered over the M1. Two days later the grand earl of Yorkshire was raised from his grave to declare Leeds was now a Lancastrian borough and Manchester woke on the 14th of March to find Leeds had been added to Greater Manchester.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you about the incident on the 16th May involving the Queen, 12 feathers and the entire House of Lords.
So it was by chance speaking to the paupers today that I manged to speak to Professor Marionette. I was chasing a guttersnipe of a single mother, 3 children all known by the name of Harold, as the mother was a huge fan of the Battle of Hastings (and made sure each of the fathers first name was William, though she is now trying to find a fourth who would go by the name of Guillaim, but she didn't know what the French for Harold would be). It was as she answered and I was going through the usual routine of asking for the size of her dowry in case we had to sell her to reclaim the banks funds.
As she was about to say five guineas I heard the Professors laugh in the background, I challenged her it was the redoubtable Professor, but she tried to dissuade me by saying I sounded French. Ney, feckless mother of Bastards, that would be the Professor and he had stolen the last pound I saw in today's Times. I saw her address, it was only in Dudley, and in the company Gyrocopter i would be able to fly as the crow flies and be there for tea and crumpet time.
I advised my manager of what I was to do, promptly locked my screen and flew for the Black Country. However Professor Robinson Marionette was a brave criminal and he too flew in his String Zeppelin to meet me. Soon battle was joined over Spaghetti junction and Giant string robots were launched to attack me. A little drummer boy tried to bash me into quarks but I was stronger and more agile for his puppets.
With the legendary scissors of Vivaldi it took me 30 minutes, 5 damaged cars from dropping puppets and 2 hours added on to people leaving Birmingham for the night I jumped aboard the Zeppelin.
"Professor, now you must stop"
"No, you must go back or you shall be puppetised!"
I then saw the true evil of his plans. Those puppets were people, they were the fathers of all those children of single mothers. They may appear on Jeremy Kyle for Jezza to abuse the dole scum, but no they were all of happy relationships, only for the father to be sucked out of the atmosphere and become the bodies, arms, heads and the fuel to be burned in Robinson Marionette induction boiler mark 3 (Pat Pending). I then saw the pound, lying like a maiden that had been ravished by the league of cad's in a competition with Messalina to see which was the next greatest whore of Rome competition (though the pound looked like she had her drink spiked and wasn't really aware of what she had been doing, but had awoken during the competition and though ah, I want to win).
Good ladies and gentleman of the crown, I had to rescue her. I quickly realized the Professor had filled his balloon with Hydrogen, as unable to steal enough helium from card shops to fuel it. I grabbed the good lady pound and advised Marionette his Dadaist crimes were to end. He laughed grabbing his walking stick, no it was a dueling cane, a thin slither of Sheffield steel at his wrist. The Professor gave two swipes of his rapier, I could tell he had trained at the Berlin Polytechnic School and then plunged towards my heart.
I did laugh as seeing that trick before on the Paul Daniels magic show. Laughing with that's magic under my breath, I quickly drew my Wilkinson blade (as my birthright all Wilkinson's are given their swords as bequeathed by the founder of the company many years ago) and did start of fight.
As steel did clash over the Gravelly Hill Interchange, my main swipes were in defense as he kept lunging forwards with each strike. However as I retreated to the cockpit of the Zeppelin I let him think he had the upper hand. His maniacal laugh would laugh no more as he over reached himself and fell though the trap door where the strings of his puppets were controlled. His head catching the scaffolding on the works around the interchange of Erdington, Stockland Green, Aston and Tyburn Road.
I took her ladyship the Pound back to the Bank of England and returned back to work, safe in the knowledge the pound was safe in the up coming credit crunch.
First the Teddy Bear museum was burned to the ground, though the bears had been taken out first. Each week in winter, Teddy bears were found mutilated all over the country, some their innards scattered over the parks of London. Then in Birmingham the heads of five silver bears had been stretched over the war memorial over the don't skate signs. With the skaters not warned of not skating over this monument for the dead, $250 dollars worth of damage had been done.
Robinson Marionette's crime wave then took him to Leeds, by stealing the Yorkshire accent from the city. The rest of Yorkshire woke up to find the city having to speak in a strange northern accent which to some hovered over the M1. Two days later the grand earl of Yorkshire was raised from his grave to declare Leeds was now a Lancastrian borough and Manchester woke on the 14th of March to find Leeds had been added to Greater Manchester.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you about the incident on the 16th May involving the Queen, 12 feathers and the entire House of Lords.
So it was by chance speaking to the paupers today that I manged to speak to Professor Marionette. I was chasing a guttersnipe of a single mother, 3 children all known by the name of Harold, as the mother was a huge fan of the Battle of Hastings (and made sure each of the fathers first name was William, though she is now trying to find a fourth who would go by the name of Guillaim, but she didn't know what the French for Harold would be). It was as she answered and I was going through the usual routine of asking for the size of her dowry in case we had to sell her to reclaim the banks funds.
As she was about to say five guineas I heard the Professors laugh in the background, I challenged her it was the redoubtable Professor, but she tried to dissuade me by saying I sounded French. Ney, feckless mother of Bastards, that would be the Professor and he had stolen the last pound I saw in today's Times. I saw her address, it was only in Dudley, and in the company Gyrocopter i would be able to fly as the crow flies and be there for tea and crumpet time.
I advised my manager of what I was to do, promptly locked my screen and flew for the Black Country. However Professor Robinson Marionette was a brave criminal and he too flew in his String Zeppelin to meet me. Soon battle was joined over Spaghetti junction and Giant string robots were launched to attack me. A little drummer boy tried to bash me into quarks but I was stronger and more agile for his puppets.
With the legendary scissors of Vivaldi it took me 30 minutes, 5 damaged cars from dropping puppets and 2 hours added on to people leaving Birmingham for the night I jumped aboard the Zeppelin.
"Professor, now you must stop"
"No, you must go back or you shall be puppetised!"
I then saw the true evil of his plans. Those puppets were people, they were the fathers of all those children of single mothers. They may appear on Jeremy Kyle for Jezza to abuse the dole scum, but no they were all of happy relationships, only for the father to be sucked out of the atmosphere and become the bodies, arms, heads and the fuel to be burned in Robinson Marionette induction boiler mark 3 (Pat Pending). I then saw the pound, lying like a maiden that had been ravished by the league of cad's in a competition with Messalina to see which was the next greatest whore of Rome competition (though the pound looked like she had her drink spiked and wasn't really aware of what she had been doing, but had awoken during the competition and though ah, I want to win).
Good ladies and gentleman of the crown, I had to rescue her. I quickly realized the Professor had filled his balloon with Hydrogen, as unable to steal enough helium from card shops to fuel it. I grabbed the good lady pound and advised Marionette his Dadaist crimes were to end. He laughed grabbing his walking stick, no it was a dueling cane, a thin slither of Sheffield steel at his wrist. The Professor gave two swipes of his rapier, I could tell he had trained at the Berlin Polytechnic School and then plunged towards my heart.
I did laugh as seeing that trick before on the Paul Daniels magic show. Laughing with that's magic under my breath, I quickly drew my Wilkinson blade (as my birthright all Wilkinson's are given their swords as bequeathed by the founder of the company many years ago) and did start of fight.
As steel did clash over the Gravelly Hill Interchange, my main swipes were in defense as he kept lunging forwards with each strike. However as I retreated to the cockpit of the Zeppelin I let him think he had the upper hand. His maniacal laugh would laugh no more as he over reached himself and fell though the trap door where the strings of his puppets were controlled. His head catching the scaffolding on the works around the interchange of Erdington, Stockland Green, Aston and Tyburn Road.
I took her ladyship the Pound back to the Bank of England and returned back to work, safe in the knowledge the pound was safe in the up coming credit crunch.