On doing good versus bothering me.
Ok, I read something that bothered me, and I'm curious if this is a me-being-very-socially-awkward thing or if saner people feel this way too.
If I was being groped/hit-on by a creepy person/stared at/followed, but not asking for assistance, and you came up to me and asked me if I needed help, at best I would be horribly embarrassed. I'd think you were being incredibly paternalistic in assuming I was unable to handle it myself or ask for help. I'd also feel that if I liked the attention you found creepy, there is an unconscious judgment there - like you are telling me that only a slut would like that, so either you must not like it, or you are a slut. And that might not be what is in the do-gooder's head at all - but I would feel like those are my choices.
I do not assume that a woman in this situation is at a disadvantage just for being female. I do assume that a person being groped or otherwise sexually abused in public would have the good sense to make a fuss. I do not think I have the right to decide to make that fuss for him or her if s/he chooses not to.
I do not like do-gooders that bother me in public in general though, like the your-purse-is-open lady (yes it is, that is how I access my wallet to pay for things) or the you-shouldn't-leave-your-bag-next-to-the-restroom-sink lady (I'll take the risk it gets stolen over the certainty it will rest on ground someone's peed on, thanks). I feel like do-gooders have a way of subtly insinuating that they know best for me, in circumstances where I disagree. (For the record, I tend to say thank you and smile indulgently at the do-gooders I've run across, because I understand that they are genuinely trying to do good, even though I think their motives don't stand up well to examination.)
So I can't support an internet meme that calls for community policing of women's social behavior in the hopes of preventing sex crimes. I think it implies a default woman=victim assumption I find offensive, and I think it imposes a standard of behavior on its victims that they might not want to be held to.
So, is this just a naotalba-doesn't-want-strangers-talking-to-her-ever thing?
If I was being groped/hit-on by a creepy person/stared at/followed, but not asking for assistance, and you came up to me and asked me if I needed help, at best I would be horribly embarrassed. I'd think you were being incredibly paternalistic in assuming I was unable to handle it myself or ask for help. I'd also feel that if I liked the attention you found creepy, there is an unconscious judgment there - like you are telling me that only a slut would like that, so either you must not like it, or you are a slut. And that might not be what is in the do-gooder's head at all - but I would feel like those are my choices.
I do not assume that a woman in this situation is at a disadvantage just for being female. I do assume that a person being groped or otherwise sexually abused in public would have the good sense to make a fuss. I do not think I have the right to decide to make that fuss for him or her if s/he chooses not to.
I do not like do-gooders that bother me in public in general though, like the your-purse-is-open lady (yes it is, that is how I access my wallet to pay for things) or the you-shouldn't-leave-your-bag-next-to-the-restroom-sink lady (I'll take the risk it gets stolen over the certainty it will rest on ground someone's peed on, thanks). I feel like do-gooders have a way of subtly insinuating that they know best for me, in circumstances where I disagree. (For the record, I tend to say thank you and smile indulgently at the do-gooders I've run across, because I understand that they are genuinely trying to do good, even though I think their motives don't stand up well to examination.)
So I can't support an internet meme that calls for community policing of women's social behavior in the hopes of preventing sex crimes. I think it implies a default woman=victim assumption I find offensive, and I think it imposes a standard of behavior on its victims that they might not want to be held to.
So, is this just a naotalba-doesn't-want-strangers-talking-to-her-ever thing?