(no subject)
For once I'm here to update. I realize it's been forever but I just flat out need to rant about everything going on that's crappy as hell in my life. So if you don't want to listen to that kinda stuff, turn the other way I won't mind at all.
School. I hate it flat out, I don't want to go anymore, not that I wanted to much in the first place. It's kind of like an obligation you have to fulfill. I don't want to go anymore and have become fully convinced I want to be a tattoo artist but the problem is that even though Jessi (shocking, to me atleast) and Josh are ok with it, they're not the ones that I have to get permission from to leave school. And even if I do leave who says I'll be able to get the bloody apprenticeship? My luck I probably won't but if things turned out well I'd try as hard as I fucking could. But on the school subject. I hate it flat out, I feel like I don't learn a bloody thing all day and I just kind of sit there in a daze, sometimes taking notes. Which kind of upsets me because by the time I get to my last class, the one I actually like I'm not in the mood to listen to anymore people lecture about stuff that isn't going to fucking affect me. I've skipped so much this semester that I honestly couldn't tell you how many times I skipped my history and China class. It's like so big a number that it seems unimportant to count it anymore. But you can add Friday onto all of my classes because I've decided I'm not going, flat out. I've got like a week left and I'm just gonna drop off my paper for my China class and then go to Jessi's and be a loser. Then on top of feeling like nothing gets done I have this lovely sense of impending doom coming from all of my classes. The papers/projects due in the next week and a half are definately enough to cause me to want to kill myself, I promise I wont though (sorry to disappoint).
Lee. If you know me you know that Lee and I have always had a horribly interesting friendship. It's based off of arguments that last hours upon hours and end in us not talking for months, and then coming back and being friends like nothing happened. Except for Jessi and I have come to realize that Lee has this thing where he seems to only care enough to talk to us when it's going to benefit him. Say when he has girl problems, or he wants to quit doing drugs. I mean I love him to death but I feel like I'm being utterly and completely used at times. When I brought it up with him earlier today it made it worse that he made this excuse that his computer is like screwed up, he only comes online to check email and crap and then get off cause his internet goes screwy and d/cs him like after 5 minutes. And then I sat there and watched his sn as he sat online for a full hour. Amazing right? I just don't know if I can deal with this anymore. He's always been an awesome friend and he used to help me a lot but recently it seems that he's only got time for either Jess or I when he's got something important to talk about, either that or he's high off his ass. Our conversations have grown to consist of something along the lines of me-"hi" him-"gotta go, sorry". I love conversations like that! They make me utterly happy. I almost wish we'd get in a huge fight cause then atleast I wouldn't feel so guilty for feeling like this about him. The good old days right? Oh well though...
Free Time. I need some seriously. I don't feel like I do much of anything I truly want unless I'm skipping class with Jess. I come home and I have this innate feel of "I need to talk to someone" so it either ends up being Josh or one of the many other friends I have. Because Jess can't hang out after school like we used to because of her new job, and Josh is stuck on his games (Which I can't complain about because I feel him and I need a little space since we were going through some rough times recently). But sometimes I wish I had all the time in the world, and then the concentration to focus on something that I wanted to do. For example, over that break during the semester. In a week I read 4 books, this was while spending plenty of time with Josh and even taking a day and hanging out with Jess. But I haven't touched the fucking 5th book in the series since the week after I got back in school, which was like a month ago >Cry<. I want free time, I want my old life back when I could sit around with nothing to do for hours, atleast then I'd be able to do what I want. The stress is getting to me and I miss people. I want to be able to hang out with Denise and Em...why is life so dumb at times???? Oh well...
Whine, bitch, moan. I know. But it's my journal so you can get over it. XD
School. I hate it flat out, I don't want to go anymore, not that I wanted to much in the first place. It's kind of like an obligation you have to fulfill. I don't want to go anymore and have become fully convinced I want to be a tattoo artist but the problem is that even though Jessi (shocking, to me atleast) and Josh are ok with it, they're not the ones that I have to get permission from to leave school. And even if I do leave who says I'll be able to get the bloody apprenticeship? My luck I probably won't but if things turned out well I'd try as hard as I fucking could. But on the school subject. I hate it flat out, I feel like I don't learn a bloody thing all day and I just kind of sit there in a daze, sometimes taking notes. Which kind of upsets me because by the time I get to my last class, the one I actually like I'm not in the mood to listen to anymore people lecture about stuff that isn't going to fucking affect me. I've skipped so much this semester that I honestly couldn't tell you how many times I skipped my history and China class. It's like so big a number that it seems unimportant to count it anymore. But you can add Friday onto all of my classes because I've decided I'm not going, flat out. I've got like a week left and I'm just gonna drop off my paper for my China class and then go to Jessi's and be a loser. Then on top of feeling like nothing gets done I have this lovely sense of impending doom coming from all of my classes. The papers/projects due in the next week and a half are definately enough to cause me to want to kill myself, I promise I wont though (sorry to disappoint).
Lee. If you know me you know that Lee and I have always had a horribly interesting friendship. It's based off of arguments that last hours upon hours and end in us not talking for months, and then coming back and being friends like nothing happened. Except for Jessi and I have come to realize that Lee has this thing where he seems to only care enough to talk to us when it's going to benefit him. Say when he has girl problems, or he wants to quit doing drugs. I mean I love him to death but I feel like I'm being utterly and completely used at times. When I brought it up with him earlier today it made it worse that he made this excuse that his computer is like screwed up, he only comes online to check email and crap and then get off cause his internet goes screwy and d/cs him like after 5 minutes. And then I sat there and watched his sn as he sat online for a full hour. Amazing right? I just don't know if I can deal with this anymore. He's always been an awesome friend and he used to help me a lot but recently it seems that he's only got time for either Jess or I when he's got something important to talk about, either that or he's high off his ass. Our conversations have grown to consist of something along the lines of me-"hi" him-"gotta go, sorry". I love conversations like that! They make me utterly happy. I almost wish we'd get in a huge fight cause then atleast I wouldn't feel so guilty for feeling like this about him. The good old days right? Oh well though...
Free Time. I need some seriously. I don't feel like I do much of anything I truly want unless I'm skipping class with Jess. I come home and I have this innate feel of "I need to talk to someone" so it either ends up being Josh or one of the many other friends I have. Because Jess can't hang out after school like we used to because of her new job, and Josh is stuck on his games (Which I can't complain about because I feel him and I need a little space since we were going through some rough times recently). But sometimes I wish I had all the time in the world, and then the concentration to focus on something that I wanted to do. For example, over that break during the semester. In a week I read 4 books, this was while spending plenty of time with Josh and even taking a day and hanging out with Jess. But I haven't touched the fucking 5th book in the series since the week after I got back in school, which was like a month ago >Cry<. I want free time, I want my old life back when I could sit around with nothing to do for hours, atleast then I'd be able to do what I want. The stress is getting to me and I miss people. I want to be able to hang out with Denise and Em...why is life so dumb at times???? Oh well...
Whine, bitch, moan. I know. But it's my journal so you can get over it. XD