(no subject)
Did you remember the Algebra 2 class we had together, writing funny
notes and giving each other bizarre nicknames. You were the muffin man
and I was the pixi queen. I made you tshirt for marching band, it was
all so funny and silly. Did you remember camping at Greg's and getting
trashed after football games?
Did you remember the night we spent at Amanda Oglesby's? We had
so much fun and laughed all night, being crazy and young and almost
Seniors. We drank Vodka and dropped acid and listened to the Foo
Fighters Colour & Shape album over and over. We got Amanda drunk and
had to put her to bed and she talked in her drunken/asleep state and
we laughed and laughed, falling over in her hallway. I remember it so
well. I loved and hated you off and on that year, you made me feel bad
about myself sometimes but at the same time you made me try harder. I got
to ride in your Camaro on the first day you got it, I think I might
have been your first passenger. I remember trying to hook you up with
Christina, who you eventually took to prom and it seemed to make you really
happy. Even after high school, we partied some and hung out and then
when I settled down and had a kid I ran into you here and there and
was always happy to see you, you were always so nice and seemed happy to see me.
You became one of my least complicated pasts and I always liked that
about you. You made me mad sometimes, really mad, and I feel like there was
a lot of pain inside you that you didn't address and took out on other people.
But who am I to judge when it comes to that? I hate that you are gone, especially
in such a senseless, violent way. I know I should believe that everything
happens for a reason, but it is really hard to find any reason in this. I
wonder how your little brother and sister will cope with this. It seemed like
your brother absolutely idolized you when I hung out at your house a few times,
I hope he is okay. Maybe it is odd to be writing you this now and posting
it as an lj blog, but it is the only way I know how to deal with this right now.
I'm listening to that Foo Fighters album today and wondering what I will wear
to the funeral home for visitation. This is not how it is supposed to be, not
how you lose your friends. We shouldn't be 24 and saying goodbye to a perfectly
healthy person because of a stupid accident. I'm sorry and I will miss you.
"And I wonder if everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I’ll ever ask of you
You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when"
- Foo Fighters