(no subject)
I was just reading Nick's new blog. For his poetry. The real kind, the kind that's hard to read, and heartbreaking to know his feelings, and knowing there isn't anything I can do for him. I feel for him, and yet I realize I don't know what he's feeling, you know? I want to help him, but I think I'm just being an emotional douche like "lolz I know your problems bro, let me help." I honestly want to share the Word with him and let him know that God loves him and can be that hug or that touch that he's looking for. But I know he is an atheist and doesn't believe in anything close to that. I think he's given up on that possibility. I don't know what happened in his life for that to happen, but I can just tell that that's the problem. He's so intriguing. I want to get to know him better, but I don't want to come off as this charity person who's looking to save someone. I don't know why I'm so self-conscious about that. I may still share the gospel with him. He may ignore me after that. He may just pretend it never happened. I'd be ok with that. I'd be planting a seed. For once I feel the calling of the Lord to have me share my faith, especially since I've been a pretty mediocre Christian since leaving university. Hell I was a mediocre Christian at that point too. I don't know who I'm kidding. God has known it and I know it, but the point is He still loves me, and I think that's what Nick needs too.
I love you Nick. In the best possible way that someone who barely knows you can love you. Let people in. It's good for the soul. You and Dustin both have that issue I think. You think you're being whiny, but that's what friends are for. We're here to listen and to love. If you're whining, something is wrong. We might tell you you're being a baby, but again, that's what friend's are for. We're here to help you. If you don't want that help, you don't have to be friends. But I think that's what you're searching for. A friend. Some true love, romantic or not.
Love.