Plethera of thoughts
Life for me is so unpredictable. I feel like the last 3 months have gone by in a complete whirlwind. Sometimes I think I need to just take 2 seconds and catch my breath. I can't recall a time in my life where I've had this many insecurities this consistantly. I mean come on... you all know me, i'm not the most ... shall we say secure person in the world, but as of late, I feel like there isnt a whole lot about me that I like. Which is lame... and sad... and yadayada.
Not so say that all I have are bad days... beacause I totally have good days as well. I'm not even sure anymore what classifies a good day, but I have them. I have a lot of them really... and I try to be optimistic at all times. The bad days come when I harp on something... and let something eat at me to the core of my being. That's when the bad days come. I also notice this trent at the end of the month when its time to pay all the bills and rent... and suddenly my once appealing bank account is suddenly empty. I try to space things out a bit, which does help a little...
I need a car. BAD. My boss has been letting me borrow their car (which they bought specifically to let me borrow) for nearly a year now. As I approch my birthday (7 days) I am reminded of all I was going through last year at this time, and I am greatful that I'm not back there... I had just gotten kicked out o my mom's house, and my car died and was irreparible... but I did have Michael... which was nice. Though I still have him in my life, its not necessarily the way I'd like sometimes.
My friend Rachel had her baby. Noah Aurthur Eaton. I havent seen him yet, but I can't wait. I feel awful for her though... 24 hour labor, 4 hours of pushing, all to end up with a cecerian when all was said and done. Which stinks in and of itself...now add the fact that she can't feel her legs... she is suffering from nerve damage that may or may not be reversable!!! Prayers for my dear friends please.
24... bleh... one step closer to 25, one more reality check that I am no where near where I though I would be at 24. I hate that I have such little control over so many important events in my life. again I say... LAME.
Cheryl is officially out of my life. THough on the outside that appears sad, its really for the better. I've learned a lot about who she is and quite frankily I dont like it. She's a mean and spiteful person. Not to say she is without good qualities...they are there, but her vindictive nature rules over so much of them. That to me is what is sad.
Work is going great. ONe of the only consistant things in my life. I truly LOVE my job. Luissa is amazing and I do feel lucky to be getting to watch her grow up into the beautiful person she is already and continues to become. I love her so much. It's amazing that I can feel that way about a kid who is not my own...but i'm simply amazed and constantly in awe of her.
my mom got her divorce settlement finally! i'm sooooooo happy for her. She says she's hoping ot give me some money to assist in buying a car. I hope she follows through!
Not so say that all I have are bad days... beacause I totally have good days as well. I'm not even sure anymore what classifies a good day, but I have them. I have a lot of them really... and I try to be optimistic at all times. The bad days come when I harp on something... and let something eat at me to the core of my being. That's when the bad days come. I also notice this trent at the end of the month when its time to pay all the bills and rent... and suddenly my once appealing bank account is suddenly empty. I try to space things out a bit, which does help a little...
I need a car. BAD. My boss has been letting me borrow their car (which they bought specifically to let me borrow) for nearly a year now. As I approch my birthday (7 days) I am reminded of all I was going through last year at this time, and I am greatful that I'm not back there... I had just gotten kicked out o my mom's house, and my car died and was irreparible... but I did have Michael... which was nice. Though I still have him in my life, its not necessarily the way I'd like sometimes.
My friend Rachel had her baby. Noah Aurthur Eaton. I havent seen him yet, but I can't wait. I feel awful for her though... 24 hour labor, 4 hours of pushing, all to end up with a cecerian when all was said and done. Which stinks in and of itself...now add the fact that she can't feel her legs... she is suffering from nerve damage that may or may not be reversable!!! Prayers for my dear friends please.
24... bleh... one step closer to 25, one more reality check that I am no where near where I though I would be at 24. I hate that I have such little control over so many important events in my life. again I say... LAME.
Cheryl is officially out of my life. THough on the outside that appears sad, its really for the better. I've learned a lot about who she is and quite frankily I dont like it. She's a mean and spiteful person. Not to say she is without good qualities...they are there, but her vindictive nature rules over so much of them. That to me is what is sad.
Work is going great. ONe of the only consistant things in my life. I truly LOVE my job. Luissa is amazing and I do feel lucky to be getting to watch her grow up into the beautiful person she is already and continues to become. I love her so much. It's amazing that I can feel that way about a kid who is not my own...but i'm simply amazed and constantly in awe of her.
my mom got her divorce settlement finally! i'm sooooooo happy for her. She says she's hoping ot give me some money to assist in buying a car. I hope she follows through!