i'm at a crossroads
I’ve definitely come a long way from where I was before. So much has happened and so much still hasn’t happened. How sad is that…I still haven’t gotten laid. What is up with that? I’m going to be the last virgin on the planet still. I seriously have a dug a hole in the ground because I will never get over that special boy. He is so damn fine it’s so not funny. I really just play mind games with myself and lead myself to believe I had a chance. Boy am I a fool. I know in the long run it isn’t really healthy for me. I finally have established a really good group of friends that for once actually care about me. I really never had that before. I only had one friend who basically left me high and dry to defend for myself. We all know who that is, but we have become friends again which is a plus. I’ve definitely become more moody since my cousin’s accident. I won’t blame it on that, but that is when I noticed it. I may look fine, but I really have some issues. I follow the motto…leave the drama for your mama, but sometimes it doesn’t always occur like that. I really need to stop being such an ignoramus. I think it’s really hard to have great friends because you tend to compare urself to them. Like I compare myself to heather all the time. Everyone loves her and I truly believe that I have the worst attitude and that is why everyone doesn’t want to be around me. U always have someone u invite to everything because u love being by them, I long to be that person. I definitely figured this out by working at the park district. No offense but it is so offensive when ur working with someone and they bring up other people who are a lot funnier than u. it makes u wonder if u r really that boring. No matter what they say it hurts. It’s just a huge blow to ur self esteem. I get that so much from bobby. I have finally got the picture that he loves jenny rice, he thinks Maria is hot, and that Heather is a billion times more fun than I will ever be. I long to be a person to that is always referenced. Am I really that bad of a person? I would try to be funny like heather and say stupid shit. Or all out there like jenny or positive and always having something interesting to say like Maria, but I would never be that because I am not that. I just really don’t know who I am. I swear I am bi-polar. I probably am because I’m stuck. No one would ever notice me if I didn’t do something incredibly stupid. I’m the person u fuck with in the head. Honestly. I take everything to heart because I learned never to take anyone seriously because u end up hurting urself. Even my best friends say I am gorgeous but I all honesty I know they are lying because if I m that gorgeous why am still single. Lynn is hot and I want her sexy asian booty.