Fic: And Every Inch You See
Title Boom. (7/15)
Rating R
Fandom Flight of the Conchords
Characters -
Pairing Bret/Jemaine
Summery The boys, having calmed down, try to have sex. But they don't.
Jemaine wasn’t quite sure how it happened, really. They were watching something on TBS (very funny?) and he was rubbing Bret’s feet-something he rarely, if ever, did-to calm his hysterical little buddy down. And he did seem to calm down, after a bit, and he had regressed into a thoughtful silence. That was fine by Jemaine, just content to cheer Bret up. He usually had a hard time of it, too. But tonight, cuddling seemed to be the answer to their problems and Jemaine found himself half wondering why he’d never thought of this before. Well, before he would have called it “uncomfortably gay” and dismissed the idea. But after his mini-epiphany, he pretty much figured that cuddling would be an easy solution to most problems Bret would be having, whether they were Jemaine’s fault or not.
And that’s when Bret sat up, blocked Jemaine’s view of the TV, ignored Jemaine’s protest for him to move, and kissed Jemaine with something almost like confidence.
Jemaine was sufficiently surprised at that. He wouldn’t have thought Bret would be the one to initiate their first kiss (though technically that one at his mom’s sixtieth birthday party was their first, but they were both really drunk). He kind of figured he would in a day or so, when Bret stopped acting like a crazy person. But apparently he still wanted to act like a crazy person, initiating this very random-but not unwanted-kiss.
That being said, it was a lovely kiss indeed. The beard was only a minor thought in Jemaine’s mind as the very nervous, very chaste kiss lingered for a second or two, and then Bret retreated, looking bashful and ashamed again. Jemaine smiled and asked him if the guilt was gone and Bret nodded, explaining his rather interesting thought process.
“The only way to trust someone is to be around them a lot… right?” Bret waited for Jemaine’s nod, “Well, I’m already around you a lot. So I guess moving on with… this,” He waved a hand between the two of them, “Is a different way to do it. Get it again. Yeah.”
“Makes sense to me,” Jemaine said dully and nudged Bret’s head closer to him again, kissing him for the second (or third, depending on who you are) time. It was slow and uneventful, like last time and Bret pulled away again without prompting.
“What?”
“I just… I’m nervous?” Bret shrugged, suddenly aware of being in Jemaine’s lap. Yes, he was familiar with this lap, and what things might come of it, and that was vaguely intimidating.
“Well,” Jemaine pursed his lips, thinking, “Whatever you’re into.”
“I’m into it!” Bret nodded quickly, “Just. Well… you’re a man, Jemaine.”
“Am I?” Jemaine chuckled, vaguely amused, and settled back into the cushions. Bret rolled his eyes.
“Wow, you’re annoying. And you’re acting like you’re such a pro at this! And you’re not, I can tell you that.”
“Eh?”
“You’ve never been with a man,” Bret huffed, wondering when Jemaine decided to be difficult, “I’d be worried for my bum, if I were you…”
“Oh, who says I’m on the bottom?”
“Well, I’m not!”
“Bret…”
“Okay, just because I had to wear a lady’s wet suit does not mean I’m a lady! I’ve got a beard, even!” Bret pointed to his scruff proudly, tilting his head up slightly.
“I’m bigger.” Jemaine retorted calmly, adjusting his glasses.
“Don’t even try that. Loads of girls are bigger than their boyfriends!”
“I’m way hairier, then.” Jemaine waggled his eyebrows at the sputtering Bret, who was trying desperately to gain leverage over this argument.
“Well-“
“And I’ve had sex more.”
“That’s not-“
“And your bum’s cuter.”
“How is that a reason-“
“And,” Jemaine sat up, taking Bret by his hips and scooting closer, “I’ve thought about it longer.”
Bret’s cheeks burned bright red and he struggled to form a sentence as Jemaine pulled him down onto the couch, pressing his back into the empty cushions and stockpiled pillows; settling between his awkwardly long legs and pressing his face close against Bret’s, just within kissing distance. Bret vaguely wanted to tilt his head up and kiss Jemaine again, but Jemaine inched away as he did. Tease.
“You,” Bret tried to choke out a sentence, “You can’t prove that…”
“Hm,” said Jemaine, thinking about it mildly while removing his glasses, “Maybe not. But my other reasons stand.”
He moved back into Bret’s face, his mouth brushing Bret’s cruelly, “And your bum is ridiculously cute.”
“Oh…” Bret sucked in a breath before Jemaine pressed down and kissed him warmly and without restraint. Bret closed his eyes and kissed back heatedly, managing to tilt his head up despite the arm rest and the mountain of pillows shifting beneath his head and back. Jemaine’s mouth was warm and soft and his lips were exactly as Bret might have imagined, if he ever gave himself a minute to think about kissing Jemaine. That aside, Bret kissed Jemaine with a newfound confidence and briefly sucked Jemaine’s lower lip into his mouth, sucking on it and kneading it with his teeth a bit more than he meant. Jemaine mumbled a distant ‘ow’ but quickly returned focus to Bret, just wonderful Bret and kissed him with an open mouth.
The two kissed for longer than they meant, tongues briefly touching with a bit of hesitance, teeth clicking as their kisses became more heated and passionate and their hips occasionally bucking against each other. Bret was whining and letting out long, cut off pants when he got a chance through the kissing and raising his hips up to a more suggestive angle for Jemaine.
“Jem-“
“Bret-“
They cut each other off, saying each other’s name at the same time and briefly chuckling over that slight silliness. Bret glanced down between them, seeing both his and Jemaine’s covered erections pressed between them and flushing with embarrassment. Looking back to Jemaine, he saw a friendly gap-toothed smile that made him feel safer than he ever felt before, even back in New Zealand. Bret smiled and, taking a bold step, reached between them to cup Jemaine’s erection through the constricting blue jeans. Jemaine tensed and swallowed thickly at that, looking at Bret and somehow telling him that he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to.
“No, no, I do,” Bret reassured him and awkwardly popped open the button before shoving his hand inside Jemaine’s pants. It was fantastically warm inside and, ignoring the coarse hair that rubbed against his palm, Bret made an awkward grab for Jemaine’s erection.
“Ah!” Jemaine gasped and shoved his hips forward into Bret’s hand, squeezing his eyes shut and telling himself that this was real, this was real, this wasn’t a dream. The jeans were more constricting than Bret had hoped for and getting an angle on handling Jemaine was difficult, so there was indeed a lot of squirming around to be done.
“Hey!”
“Sorry, I just-“
“Jemaine, stop-“
“Move your hand-“
“I can’t-“
“Just-“
“Ah!!”
Bret ended up sliding out from under Jemaine and landing very hard on the floor just next to the couch. The two paused for a moment, then blinked up at each other. A moment flitted by and they were laughing hysterically at the absolute mess of the situation.
“Oh God,” Bret laughed, smoothing down his hair, “It’s gone. It’s gone, it’s gone.”
Jemaine laughed and helped him back on the couch, “Aw, really?”
“Yeah,” Bret curled up between Jemaine and the pillows, resting a hand over his stomach possessively. “Sorry bout that. I keep teasing you.”
The both glanced to Jemaine’s pants, then Bret’s. Jemaine shrugged and hugged Bret close to his side. “It’s annoying, but whatever.”
“Gee, you sound so placid.”
“I am.”
“Right.” Bret nodded and closed his eyes for a minute, those three absent hours of sleep catching up on him. He’d love a nap right now. And it was so easy to slip off with Jemaine’s warm body right there, the TV still talking dully and the shades drawn against the early noon sun. Bret yawned and inhaled Jemaine’s scent deeply, smiling as broad as he could manage, ignoring the sting in his eye.
“You falling asleep on me, Bret?” He heard Jemaine’s voice from far away and only responded with a contented mumble. The rest was all deep vibrations from Jemaine’s chest as he spoke to Bret, but he never understood a word, instead falling into a warm doze against his best friend and newest catch.
Rating R
Fandom Flight of the Conchords
Characters -
Pairing Bret/Jemaine
Summery The boys, having calmed down, try to have sex. But they don't.
Jemaine wasn’t quite sure how it happened, really. They were watching something on TBS (very funny?) and he was rubbing Bret’s feet-something he rarely, if ever, did-to calm his hysterical little buddy down. And he did seem to calm down, after a bit, and he had regressed into a thoughtful silence. That was fine by Jemaine, just content to cheer Bret up. He usually had a hard time of it, too. But tonight, cuddling seemed to be the answer to their problems and Jemaine found himself half wondering why he’d never thought of this before. Well, before he would have called it “uncomfortably gay” and dismissed the idea. But after his mini-epiphany, he pretty much figured that cuddling would be an easy solution to most problems Bret would be having, whether they were Jemaine’s fault or not.
And that’s when Bret sat up, blocked Jemaine’s view of the TV, ignored Jemaine’s protest for him to move, and kissed Jemaine with something almost like confidence.
Jemaine was sufficiently surprised at that. He wouldn’t have thought Bret would be the one to initiate their first kiss (though technically that one at his mom’s sixtieth birthday party was their first, but they were both really drunk). He kind of figured he would in a day or so, when Bret stopped acting like a crazy person. But apparently he still wanted to act like a crazy person, initiating this very random-but not unwanted-kiss.
That being said, it was a lovely kiss indeed. The beard was only a minor thought in Jemaine’s mind as the very nervous, very chaste kiss lingered for a second or two, and then Bret retreated, looking bashful and ashamed again. Jemaine smiled and asked him if the guilt was gone and Bret nodded, explaining his rather interesting thought process.
“The only way to trust someone is to be around them a lot… right?” Bret waited for Jemaine’s nod, “Well, I’m already around you a lot. So I guess moving on with… this,” He waved a hand between the two of them, “Is a different way to do it. Get it again. Yeah.”
“Makes sense to me,” Jemaine said dully and nudged Bret’s head closer to him again, kissing him for the second (or third, depending on who you are) time. It was slow and uneventful, like last time and Bret pulled away again without prompting.
“What?”
“I just… I’m nervous?” Bret shrugged, suddenly aware of being in Jemaine’s lap. Yes, he was familiar with this lap, and what things might come of it, and that was vaguely intimidating.
“Well,” Jemaine pursed his lips, thinking, “Whatever you’re into.”
“I’m into it!” Bret nodded quickly, “Just. Well… you’re a man, Jemaine.”
“Am I?” Jemaine chuckled, vaguely amused, and settled back into the cushions. Bret rolled his eyes.
“Wow, you’re annoying. And you’re acting like you’re such a pro at this! And you’re not, I can tell you that.”
“Eh?”
“You’ve never been with a man,” Bret huffed, wondering when Jemaine decided to be difficult, “I’d be worried for my bum, if I were you…”
“Oh, who says I’m on the bottom?”
“Well, I’m not!”
“Bret…”
“Okay, just because I had to wear a lady’s wet suit does not mean I’m a lady! I’ve got a beard, even!” Bret pointed to his scruff proudly, tilting his head up slightly.
“I’m bigger.” Jemaine retorted calmly, adjusting his glasses.
“Don’t even try that. Loads of girls are bigger than their boyfriends!”
“I’m way hairier, then.” Jemaine waggled his eyebrows at the sputtering Bret, who was trying desperately to gain leverage over this argument.
“Well-“
“And I’ve had sex more.”
“That’s not-“
“And your bum’s cuter.”
“How is that a reason-“
“And,” Jemaine sat up, taking Bret by his hips and scooting closer, “I’ve thought about it longer.”
Bret’s cheeks burned bright red and he struggled to form a sentence as Jemaine pulled him down onto the couch, pressing his back into the empty cushions and stockpiled pillows; settling between his awkwardly long legs and pressing his face close against Bret’s, just within kissing distance. Bret vaguely wanted to tilt his head up and kiss Jemaine again, but Jemaine inched away as he did. Tease.
“You,” Bret tried to choke out a sentence, “You can’t prove that…”
“Hm,” said Jemaine, thinking about it mildly while removing his glasses, “Maybe not. But my other reasons stand.”
He moved back into Bret’s face, his mouth brushing Bret’s cruelly, “And your bum is ridiculously cute.”
“Oh…” Bret sucked in a breath before Jemaine pressed down and kissed him warmly and without restraint. Bret closed his eyes and kissed back heatedly, managing to tilt his head up despite the arm rest and the mountain of pillows shifting beneath his head and back. Jemaine’s mouth was warm and soft and his lips were exactly as Bret might have imagined, if he ever gave himself a minute to think about kissing Jemaine. That aside, Bret kissed Jemaine with a newfound confidence and briefly sucked Jemaine’s lower lip into his mouth, sucking on it and kneading it with his teeth a bit more than he meant. Jemaine mumbled a distant ‘ow’ but quickly returned focus to Bret, just wonderful Bret and kissed him with an open mouth.
The two kissed for longer than they meant, tongues briefly touching with a bit of hesitance, teeth clicking as their kisses became more heated and passionate and their hips occasionally bucking against each other. Bret was whining and letting out long, cut off pants when he got a chance through the kissing and raising his hips up to a more suggestive angle for Jemaine.
“Jem-“
“Bret-“
They cut each other off, saying each other’s name at the same time and briefly chuckling over that slight silliness. Bret glanced down between them, seeing both his and Jemaine’s covered erections pressed between them and flushing with embarrassment. Looking back to Jemaine, he saw a friendly gap-toothed smile that made him feel safer than he ever felt before, even back in New Zealand. Bret smiled and, taking a bold step, reached between them to cup Jemaine’s erection through the constricting blue jeans. Jemaine tensed and swallowed thickly at that, looking at Bret and somehow telling him that he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to.
“No, no, I do,” Bret reassured him and awkwardly popped open the button before shoving his hand inside Jemaine’s pants. It was fantastically warm inside and, ignoring the coarse hair that rubbed against his palm, Bret made an awkward grab for Jemaine’s erection.
“Ah!” Jemaine gasped and shoved his hips forward into Bret’s hand, squeezing his eyes shut and telling himself that this was real, this was real, this wasn’t a dream. The jeans were more constricting than Bret had hoped for and getting an angle on handling Jemaine was difficult, so there was indeed a lot of squirming around to be done.
“Hey!”
“Sorry, I just-“
“Jemaine, stop-“
“Move your hand-“
“I can’t-“
“Just-“
“Ah!!”
Bret ended up sliding out from under Jemaine and landing very hard on the floor just next to the couch. The two paused for a moment, then blinked up at each other. A moment flitted by and they were laughing hysterically at the absolute mess of the situation.
“Oh God,” Bret laughed, smoothing down his hair, “It’s gone. It’s gone, it’s gone.”
Jemaine laughed and helped him back on the couch, “Aw, really?”
“Yeah,” Bret curled up between Jemaine and the pillows, resting a hand over his stomach possessively. “Sorry bout that. I keep teasing you.”
The both glanced to Jemaine’s pants, then Bret’s. Jemaine shrugged and hugged Bret close to his side. “It’s annoying, but whatever.”
“Gee, you sound so placid.”
“I am.”
“Right.” Bret nodded and closed his eyes for a minute, those three absent hours of sleep catching up on him. He’d love a nap right now. And it was so easy to slip off with Jemaine’s warm body right there, the TV still talking dully and the shades drawn against the early noon sun. Bret yawned and inhaled Jemaine’s scent deeply, smiling as broad as he could manage, ignoring the sting in his eye.
“You falling asleep on me, Bret?” He heard Jemaine’s voice from far away and only responded with a contented mumble. The rest was all deep vibrations from Jemaine’s chest as he spoke to Bret, but he never understood a word, instead falling into a warm doze against his best friend and newest catch.