to sleep... perchance to dream???
Well, ever since I had that dream about Scott's dad, I haven't been able to sleep well. Scott leaves at 4am today, because Dad's doctor says that he won't make it through the week. I think I am just stressed because of not knowing what is going to happen. I like things planned and a little more organized. Heck, I have had my reservations for my trip with Melissa for months and already have had my reservations for May for another month. Now, I just have to wait and see. My work is good about giving me a week for bereavement leave, but not until he actually dies. So I can't go back with Scott...and if it happens on the weekend, and the funeral is on Monday, I am not sure what I will do, maybe fly to wisconsin so I can fly back and drive to portland to fly to utah? Matthew is depending on me to take him to Utah.
Nothing is simple. I envy Scott, who has the flexibility in his life to just come home and say "I am leaving in the morning..." and be able to go knowing I will take care of everything here. And there are still issures with my own mother, who is already laying guilt trips saying that we "just like to fly back to wisconsin instead of taking care of her". And, there is Chelsea and her job and school and activities....I could use a moderately priced clone at this point.
On a more positve note...
I put together a giant book of Dad's life. It is in a 4inch ring notebook, and is an biography filled with pictures and narration from interviews I did with him in 2001. It tells about his childhood, his thoughts about his own mother and dad, wife and children. It also has letters and pictures from his friends and family, sharing stories and memories. It is all scrapbooked and came out really nicely. If I don't make it back, it will be a nice tribute to him. I also wrote him a letter with pictures of all my children and their children. I told him that he has been the only father I have known, the only grandpa my children have known and expressed my gratitude. Scott promises to read it to him tomorrow when he gets there.
As I write this I am getting very emotional.
Scott's exwife called last night and it looks like she is going to Wisconsin. How wierd would it be for her to be at the funeral and not me? I think I am a little too sleep deprived to make rational thought happen right now. I'll just do some mundane paperwork and hope it makes me drowsy enough to get a couple of hours sleep before I have to get up for work at 5:30am. After all life goes on and I have a baby shower to attend tomorrow night and ....and...and...