gettin' old is not so bad....sometimes....
I think the best thing about getting old is finally being at a point where I have learned from the multitude of mistakes I have made during my life. My regret is that I was not smart enough to watch other people make mistakes and learn from THEIR mistakes...which would have saved me a lot of time and PAIN>>>>!
But alas...I will take the hand I have created from my many choices...good and bad. This morning was a goodun....
I ended last night at 8:30pm in a perfectly good mood, driving the 20 miles to town to pick up Matthew from work. I had just served a successful dinner to my step daughter and her new husband, got the kitchen cleaned and took off in my new car with the soundtrack to RIVERDANCE turned up loud in honor of my sort of shared experience with Melissa...
Matt and I had a good talk on the way to my mom's then I made the fatal mistake of thinking I could visit my mom and keep my cheery outlook. Well, it only took about three minutes until she began arguing reality with me and piling on the guilt and bad news of her life at present. I walked to my car, a little heavier in the shoulder area, and my head and chest filled with unvented stress, only to know that at 9:30 this morning I would have to pick Matthew up and relive the predictable experience again.
I am conducting in Relief Society this month, which is always intimidating to me, so I woke up knowing that I needed some emotional lifejackets to keep from "going under". To add to it, Chelsea needed a ride to Single's Ward, (2 1/2 hours prior to our church service) , and help with her hair, and Scott announced that he had to teach nursery today and "could I help him with the Lesson?". Normally, when too many demands start piling up before I take my meds....I break down...either emotionally outwards or at least inwards. But today, I was able to sort out a better way.
I said, "Scott, If you will call and get Chelsea a ride from one of the Coburg families while I do her hair...and if you will drive her in and take Matthew to work, I will have your lesson all prepared and ready to go when you return..." He paused, thought about how it was a positive sugguestion and agreed.
Now, 1 hour later, I have completed the lesson WITH VISUALS, and finger plays,stories and games, I have had time to fix my hair, put makeup on , read my scriptures and write in my journal. And did I mention, my meds have kicked in?
I have wasted so much time in my life waiting for people to anticipate and ask to help me instead of being clear about what I NEEDED to have done in order for us to help each other. I have taken years off my life stressing and feeling depressed because of demands made on me that I grudgingly did, because I was waiting for someone, (usually my husband) to read my mind and help me out. It was probably not that he was so unwilling to help, but just didn't magically know exactly WHAT WOULD HELP. I can't expect a man to think like a woman...though I have spent years waiting for that. I am reminded of the line in MY FAIR LADY where they sing...."why can't a woman, be more like a man?" Relationships are tough enough without real communication. I think I have known this for a long time, but today it finally all came together at once.
The good thing about a journal, is that now I can scroll back and remind myself when I forget...again. Notice that I didn't say "if"?