I just don't get it.
Humans are very....confusing.
So I have been seeing.....well fucking someone rather.
The Cancer in me knew this was a bad idea going into, I am way too emotional, and I take sex way too seriously to ever have it with someone on a casual level. In addition, its very difficult for me to sleep with a person for whom I have no feelings. I knew better.
The first time we were together was amazing. I felt so alive. it was passionate and intense, and It was purely for the sake of physical pleasure, since it had been so long since I had had any, my mind was able to focus purely on...well the sex.
But the more we started to talk and hang out, the more I realized we had in common. The more comfortable I became. The more fun we had just talking and laughing, spending time together, the more fond of him I became. And my mind, and emotions started to shift. Instead of my only real thoughts of him being sexual, they became more .....idk. I started thinking about him all day, wondering was he was doing, how his day was going. And when I was around him, I wanted to kiss him for the sake of kissing him, hold and cuddle with him...things that friends with benefits just don't do. Like an idiot, of course, I started to like him more than in a fuck for feeling type of way. Which has made everything messy.
IDK whats going on with him. He send out so many mixed signals....its nuts. In the beginning, he actually stopped talking to me because he thought we were on 2 different pages. he thought I was looking for more or a boyfriend/husband which he is not in a position to be, and honestly I am not in a position to have. I assured him that I wasnt, but I wouldn't mind....sexual gratification form time to time. At the time, that was true. Its still true....sort of. Idk, I still want sex but not with him, because I don't want JUST sex with him. If that makes any sense. I care about him now...so its akward.
But back to the mixed signals....yes. He after that whole fiasco, well now he says he never said that. Sometimes, we do cuddle. Hold hands. He started calling me baby. Tell sme how amazing and one of a kind I am. So i had an emotional breakdown and confessed to him that I liked him more than I was supposed to and he didnt really respond. for 2 days. So I figured he didnt want to talk to me anymore.
Until yesterday I get a text from him asking if id cut him off, he apologized, admitted to being difficult, and while I couldn't get him to talk he said "go with the flow". Whatever that means.
Yet today I texted him several times and he has not replied.
I am so confused.....Does he like me? Does he not like me? Is he afraid to like me, or afraid to admit he does? I don't think its a sexual thing, because we don't see each other that much. its pulling my heart strings though, and I wish he would just open up to me. We have A LOT in common. Convoluted religious views, alcohol habits, both single parents, in screwed up living situations.....
sigh.
just talk to me....please.
So I have been seeing.....well fucking someone rather.
The Cancer in me knew this was a bad idea going into, I am way too emotional, and I take sex way too seriously to ever have it with someone on a casual level. In addition, its very difficult for me to sleep with a person for whom I have no feelings. I knew better.
The first time we were together was amazing. I felt so alive. it was passionate and intense, and It was purely for the sake of physical pleasure, since it had been so long since I had had any, my mind was able to focus purely on...well the sex.
But the more we started to talk and hang out, the more I realized we had in common. The more comfortable I became. The more fun we had just talking and laughing, spending time together, the more fond of him I became. And my mind, and emotions started to shift. Instead of my only real thoughts of him being sexual, they became more .....idk. I started thinking about him all day, wondering was he was doing, how his day was going. And when I was around him, I wanted to kiss him for the sake of kissing him, hold and cuddle with him...things that friends with benefits just don't do. Like an idiot, of course, I started to like him more than in a fuck for feeling type of way. Which has made everything messy.
IDK whats going on with him. He send out so many mixed signals....its nuts. In the beginning, he actually stopped talking to me because he thought we were on 2 different pages. he thought I was looking for more or a boyfriend/husband which he is not in a position to be, and honestly I am not in a position to have. I assured him that I wasnt, but I wouldn't mind....sexual gratification form time to time. At the time, that was true. Its still true....sort of. Idk, I still want sex but not with him, because I don't want JUST sex with him. If that makes any sense. I care about him now...so its akward.
But back to the mixed signals....yes. He after that whole fiasco, well now he says he never said that. Sometimes, we do cuddle. Hold hands. He started calling me baby. Tell sme how amazing and one of a kind I am. So i had an emotional breakdown and confessed to him that I liked him more than I was supposed to and he didnt really respond. for 2 days. So I figured he didnt want to talk to me anymore.
Until yesterday I get a text from him asking if id cut him off, he apologized, admitted to being difficult, and while I couldn't get him to talk he said "go with the flow". Whatever that means.
Yet today I texted him several times and he has not replied.
I am so confused.....Does he like me? Does he not like me? Is he afraid to like me, or afraid to admit he does? I don't think its a sexual thing, because we don't see each other that much. its pulling my heart strings though, and I wish he would just open up to me. We have A LOT in common. Convoluted religious views, alcohol habits, both single parents, in screwed up living situations.....
sigh.
just talk to me....please.