(no subject)
i'm a little distraught right now...i dont really know what to do.
i just found out that my friend Tanay dropped out of international business. yeah i understand that people switch from international business to regular business all the time, but this is different (its almost as bad as if nam dropped out of bsib, not quite as bad, but almost). this is tanay, friend who i've had since day 1 of college, who i've had at least one class with every semester since freshman year, and has had a huge influence on my academic career thus far in life. tanay was one of the main supporters of my switch from france to ireland for my study abroad - he was the kid that every time he would see me in our out of class (mostly out 'cause who am i kidding, i never showed up hahaha), would always be like "jess...c'mon...switch to ireland..think of what a party its gonna be...c'mon..ireland with me and jeff lee...how can it get better than that" hahaha. he was the kid who, during our sophomore year, was contacting students who had come back from ireland to set up meeting times with them for both him and me so we could sit and ask questions and get tips about living and classes in ireland, even though we weren't going for another 2 years. he was the kid who would tell me to go for the dual degree, which meant staying an extra year in ireland. i remember him telling me that he was done with boston and that his life plan was to go to dublin and/or london for the next 2 years then come back and work for merril lynch in new york city and then never really be a citizen of any country because he'd be travelling so much.
i remember we were talking with this one girl, colleen, about going to ireland, and she was telling us how she had a serious boyfriend that she was in love with before she went to school in dublin. but when he came to visit her over thanksgiving, she said that she had changed so much as a person that the two of them just weren't compatible anymore because some of the things he did and said were just so naiive. since this was during the time when vj and i were together and in love and all that crap, i remember telling tanay that i was scared of going abroad now because i didn't want that to happen to me and vj. i remember tanay getting mad at me and giving me a 20 minute lecture about how i couldn't sacrifice an opportunity like we had, just for someone else. at the time i remember thinking that tanay had a very valid point because studying abroad has always been my dream, ever since i was old enough to know what it was (i think i was like 5 or something). i also remember thinking that tanay didn't understand about love and what really happens when you love someone with your entire heart and you're wiling to do anything and sacrifice anything for that person. i mean, tanay was the crazy skinny indian kid in class that would talk about how much he loved his guitar and said that girls and relationships in general were stupid and not anything he wanted to sacrifice his life's plans for. i always had a hunch that he felt that way because he had never really been in a relationship before. i think i was kind of right in my theory because i think his girlfriend he has now is one of the main reasons he doesn't want to go to ireland anymore.
he claims that his reason for not going to ireland is because his coop right now, which is for merril lynch in new york city, is the worst job he's ever had in his life and i quote, "i want to shoot myself in the head". ok, fair enough, he doesn't want to do whatever it is he's doing for merrily lynch right now (i think its something with entering the numbers "1,2,3" into a computer hahaha). so he claims that he needs to do another coop in the u.s., this time with wellington management, doing the asset management coop he turned down this past time for the merril lynch job. ok, sounds good right? but then tanay tells me that he HATES living in new york city. now, this is coming from a guy who's lived in jersey since he was 10...and i mean, if you grew up in jersey, its a given that you're absolutely OBSESSED with the city. i remember talking to him online during the summers we weren't at school and he would always be going into the city to do who know's what with his friends. i guess now its different though because his friends are at school so they aren't home to go hang out with in the city. and then there's the girlfriend factor. he says that he's been in boston almost every weekend to hang out with her blah blah blah. so his lack of motivation to try to find things to do in nyc + his not knowing anyone in nyc = unhappy missing his girlfriend lots and lots tanay. he probably thinks that if he can't go for like a week without seeing her now, he's never gonna be able to survive dublin without her, and if he did, he'd be absolutely miserable in the process. yeah tanay, that 20 minute lecture to me is looking pretty good to throw in your face right about now hahahahaha. i mean, its not that i dont care that he's being utterly hypocritical right now, i just dont want him to sacrifice a great opportunity for a relationship. because this is his first love and its almost inevitable that a first love will end. i dont want him to regret something he didn't do because he thought he would be with someone "forever", when, well, lets face it, we all know how "forever" ends up.
maybe travelling is what independent people do to try to fill a void. and its like no matter how much one travels, that void will never be filled, yet the search continues and the travelling continues, with unfaltering faith that eventually the void will be filled. i know tanay feels like he doesn't need that anymore because i was starting to feel the same way when i was with vj. i still wanted to travel and see the world, but only with him. and since he didn't have the spontaneity or the drive to just pick up and go to a foreign country for fun, he was indirectly holding me back from living my life to its fullest. one positive i can say about vj's and my breakup is that i regained my independence and have learned that no one is worth sacrificing any of my dreams. i mean, maybe that's not necessarily what tanay is doing, but i just dont want him to look back and be like "fuck, my gf and i broke up and i lost a chance to live in ireland".
i guess i'm just kind of sad because i dont know what i'm gonna do in ireland without tanay :o(
i just found out that my friend Tanay dropped out of international business. yeah i understand that people switch from international business to regular business all the time, but this is different (its almost as bad as if nam dropped out of bsib, not quite as bad, but almost). this is tanay, friend who i've had since day 1 of college, who i've had at least one class with every semester since freshman year, and has had a huge influence on my academic career thus far in life. tanay was one of the main supporters of my switch from france to ireland for my study abroad - he was the kid that every time he would see me in our out of class (mostly out 'cause who am i kidding, i never showed up hahaha), would always be like "jess...c'mon...switch to ireland..think of what a party its gonna be...c'mon..ireland with me and jeff lee...how can it get better than that" hahaha. he was the kid who, during our sophomore year, was contacting students who had come back from ireland to set up meeting times with them for both him and me so we could sit and ask questions and get tips about living and classes in ireland, even though we weren't going for another 2 years. he was the kid who would tell me to go for the dual degree, which meant staying an extra year in ireland. i remember him telling me that he was done with boston and that his life plan was to go to dublin and/or london for the next 2 years then come back and work for merril lynch in new york city and then never really be a citizen of any country because he'd be travelling so much.
i remember we were talking with this one girl, colleen, about going to ireland, and she was telling us how she had a serious boyfriend that she was in love with before she went to school in dublin. but when he came to visit her over thanksgiving, she said that she had changed so much as a person that the two of them just weren't compatible anymore because some of the things he did and said were just so naiive. since this was during the time when vj and i were together and in love and all that crap, i remember telling tanay that i was scared of going abroad now because i didn't want that to happen to me and vj. i remember tanay getting mad at me and giving me a 20 minute lecture about how i couldn't sacrifice an opportunity like we had, just for someone else. at the time i remember thinking that tanay had a very valid point because studying abroad has always been my dream, ever since i was old enough to know what it was (i think i was like 5 or something). i also remember thinking that tanay didn't understand about love and what really happens when you love someone with your entire heart and you're wiling to do anything and sacrifice anything for that person. i mean, tanay was the crazy skinny indian kid in class that would talk about how much he loved his guitar and said that girls and relationships in general were stupid and not anything he wanted to sacrifice his life's plans for. i always had a hunch that he felt that way because he had never really been in a relationship before. i think i was kind of right in my theory because i think his girlfriend he has now is one of the main reasons he doesn't want to go to ireland anymore.
he claims that his reason for not going to ireland is because his coop right now, which is for merril lynch in new york city, is the worst job he's ever had in his life and i quote, "i want to shoot myself in the head". ok, fair enough, he doesn't want to do whatever it is he's doing for merrily lynch right now (i think its something with entering the numbers "1,2,3" into a computer hahaha). so he claims that he needs to do another coop in the u.s., this time with wellington management, doing the asset management coop he turned down this past time for the merril lynch job. ok, sounds good right? but then tanay tells me that he HATES living in new york city. now, this is coming from a guy who's lived in jersey since he was 10...and i mean, if you grew up in jersey, its a given that you're absolutely OBSESSED with the city. i remember talking to him online during the summers we weren't at school and he would always be going into the city to do who know's what with his friends. i guess now its different though because his friends are at school so they aren't home to go hang out with in the city. and then there's the girlfriend factor. he says that he's been in boston almost every weekend to hang out with her blah blah blah. so his lack of motivation to try to find things to do in nyc + his not knowing anyone in nyc = unhappy missing his girlfriend lots and lots tanay. he probably thinks that if he can't go for like a week without seeing her now, he's never gonna be able to survive dublin without her, and if he did, he'd be absolutely miserable in the process. yeah tanay, that 20 minute lecture to me is looking pretty good to throw in your face right about now hahahahaha. i mean, its not that i dont care that he's being utterly hypocritical right now, i just dont want him to sacrifice a great opportunity for a relationship. because this is his first love and its almost inevitable that a first love will end. i dont want him to regret something he didn't do because he thought he would be with someone "forever", when, well, lets face it, we all know how "forever" ends up.
maybe travelling is what independent people do to try to fill a void. and its like no matter how much one travels, that void will never be filled, yet the search continues and the travelling continues, with unfaltering faith that eventually the void will be filled. i know tanay feels like he doesn't need that anymore because i was starting to feel the same way when i was with vj. i still wanted to travel and see the world, but only with him. and since he didn't have the spontaneity or the drive to just pick up and go to a foreign country for fun, he was indirectly holding me back from living my life to its fullest. one positive i can say about vj's and my breakup is that i regained my independence and have learned that no one is worth sacrificing any of my dreams. i mean, maybe that's not necessarily what tanay is doing, but i just dont want him to look back and be like "fuck, my gf and i broke up and i lost a chance to live in ireland".
i guess i'm just kind of sad because i dont know what i'm gonna do in ireland without tanay :o(