i cant sleep, so hi.
wow livejournal has gotten way high tech since the last time i updated.
sup yoo. so yeah...since i got back from england some shits gone down.
so when me and kelly got back to my sisters from Paris, my sister broke the news to me that my dad has a tumor on his liver. internally i was fucking the fuck out, but on the outside i was totally cool with it, because i thought it could be fixed.
so we get back from europe and a couple of weeks later my dad has surgery to remove the tumor. everything is going fine for like...a month...he's almost perfecly fine.
then...on one magical thursday, the exact day that i got my interview for tutor time, i get a call from a hysterical josephine and a "desperatly-trying-to-stay-calm-in-front-of-his-little-hailey face aunt telling me that my dads liver is failing and the night before he had been up in the middle of the night hallucinating and smoking imaginary cigarettes. i call up tutor time and have my interview moved earlier in the day so i could go see my dad. the interview went fucking awesome and i'm off to north shore hospital to visit my dad.
i get there and i go upstairs. i get in the room and my dad is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down, and hiccuping, by himself in the room. as i come into the room more he realizes i'm there and looks up and says "hi hail!." he looks like...COMPLETE shit. he's all yellow and his mouth is all shrively. i go from code yellow yellow to red. he tells me i look nice. i act completely normal. he says "i must be dying, everyones coming to see me." i "pfft" it off. i go home. i spend the night with justin.
next day, i decide its completely practical to drive out to nassau and to purchase with kelly to do shrooms. i almost died at least 72 times. we were run off the road. i got out of my vehicle in the middle of the expressway to clear off the snow off hood of my car that a passing police SUV shoveled all over me. we got there and i legitimatly thought i had frost bite.
but we had closet hiding in, fire alarm going off, holographic magazine reading, jamie t listening, room descriminating, sign making fun. so its ok.
that sunday, i went to visit my dad again. he looked the same. he asked me to hold his hand. i watched them take blood and they were having a hard time getting enough out of him. i went home.
so, then. on monday march 19th, i go school 2 hours early to see a math tutor. go to class. and then i go to tutor time for my try out interview. it also goes amazing. they tell me on the spot that i got the job. i get out to the parking lot and i have HELLA missed calls and a voicemail. i listen to the voicemail and its my aunt telling me that they were going to be doing a procedure on my dad and that i had to come visit. i call back to ask "if i really had to be there because i got the job and had for the next day" and josephine answers her phone and calmly says hold on. next, peter gets on the phone. and he says:
peter:hailey?
me: yeah?
peter:are you alone?
me:yeah....
peter:you're father just passed away.
i call my mom. she tells me to stop driving right where i am and that shes coming to get me. i tell her i'm fine and that ill be home in 10 minutes. i get home and no ones there. my mom pulls in the drive way and it looks like she hasn't cried yet but shes gonna FLIP when she sees me so i'm scared because i cant deal with crying people. she doesnt cry, she hugs me. craig hugs me. she asks if erin knows. i misunderstood peter because i was imploding so i thought she did. i ask my mom to call erin. she gets out her xanex and give me one and take the other. she calls erin. i can hear her because our phone mad loud. she sounds all domestic and motherly and normal. im like..."fuck." mom tells her.
erin comes. i see my baby man. he doesnt even know why he was forced to stay in the lobby of this place with perfect marble floors for his toy cars for a whole day.
funerals happen. things settle. i get 3 weeks with my sister and my baby. i start working at tutor time and love it. too bad that xanex is still working.
now i care about trivial shit a lot less. pay my own bills. pay for my own gas. im am going to hunter. and im in love.
sup yoo. so yeah...since i got back from england some shits gone down.
so when me and kelly got back to my sisters from Paris, my sister broke the news to me that my dad has a tumor on his liver. internally i was fucking the fuck out, but on the outside i was totally cool with it, because i thought it could be fixed.
so we get back from europe and a couple of weeks later my dad has surgery to remove the tumor. everything is going fine for like...a month...he's almost perfecly fine.
then...on one magical thursday, the exact day that i got my interview for tutor time, i get a call from a hysterical josephine and a "desperatly-trying-to-stay-calm-in-front-of-his-little-hailey face aunt telling me that my dads liver is failing and the night before he had been up in the middle of the night hallucinating and smoking imaginary cigarettes. i call up tutor time and have my interview moved earlier in the day so i could go see my dad. the interview went fucking awesome and i'm off to north shore hospital to visit my dad.
i get there and i go upstairs. i get in the room and my dad is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down, and hiccuping, by himself in the room. as i come into the room more he realizes i'm there and looks up and says "hi hail!." he looks like...COMPLETE shit. he's all yellow and his mouth is all shrively. i go from code yellow yellow to red. he tells me i look nice. i act completely normal. he says "i must be dying, everyones coming to see me." i "pfft" it off. i go home. i spend the night with justin.
next day, i decide its completely practical to drive out to nassau and to purchase with kelly to do shrooms. i almost died at least 72 times. we were run off the road. i got out of my vehicle in the middle of the expressway to clear off the snow off hood of my car that a passing police SUV shoveled all over me. we got there and i legitimatly thought i had frost bite.
but we had closet hiding in, fire alarm going off, holographic magazine reading, jamie t listening, room descriminating, sign making fun. so its ok.
that sunday, i went to visit my dad again. he looked the same. he asked me to hold his hand. i watched them take blood and they were having a hard time getting enough out of him. i went home.
so, then. on monday march 19th, i go school 2 hours early to see a math tutor. go to class. and then i go to tutor time for my try out interview. it also goes amazing. they tell me on the spot that i got the job. i get out to the parking lot and i have HELLA missed calls and a voicemail. i listen to the voicemail and its my aunt telling me that they were going to be doing a procedure on my dad and that i had to come visit. i call back to ask "if i really had to be there because i got the job and had for the next day" and josephine answers her phone and calmly says hold on. next, peter gets on the phone. and he says:
peter:hailey?
me: yeah?
peter:are you alone?
me:yeah....
peter:you're father just passed away.
i call my mom. she tells me to stop driving right where i am and that shes coming to get me. i tell her i'm fine and that ill be home in 10 minutes. i get home and no ones there. my mom pulls in the drive way and it looks like she hasn't cried yet but shes gonna FLIP when she sees me so i'm scared because i cant deal with crying people. she doesnt cry, she hugs me. craig hugs me. she asks if erin knows. i misunderstood peter because i was imploding so i thought she did. i ask my mom to call erin. she gets out her xanex and give me one and take the other. she calls erin. i can hear her because our phone mad loud. she sounds all domestic and motherly and normal. im like..."fuck." mom tells her.
erin comes. i see my baby man. he doesnt even know why he was forced to stay in the lobby of this place with perfect marble floors for his toy cars for a whole day.
funerals happen. things settle. i get 3 weeks with my sister and my baby. i start working at tutor time and love it. too bad that xanex is still working.
now i care about trivial shit a lot less. pay my own bills. pay for my own gas. im am going to hunter. and im in love.