It's been a long time...
Even though I haven't posted anything on my livejournal in over a year, that doesn't mean that I haven't been watching the LJ world.. I've read your posts and watched all kinds of communities, I just haven't done any postings of my own - and now, as I seem to have lost everything, I turn to livejournal again.
I guess I never updated because I felt that I had to explain everything that happened since my last post - and most of the time it would take too long. But now, I'm starting anew. I'll gladly share my story if you're curious, but for now, I'll just be using this journal as an outlet - to release some of my thoughts and feelings.
I spent a lot of this evening reading some of my previous journal entries. It's odd to read back on all of those old words and see how easy my life used to be. I would bitch and complain about things that were meaningless and I often wondered how I was going to make it through those "tough times".
In my mind, I always thought that as I got older, things would get less complicated and the progression of age would bring along times of stress-free happiness. Now, I am not saying that I have never been happy - that's definitely not the case. It's just that I never realized that my life could be this hard. It seems that emotional pain almost always hurts worse than physical pain. Is it because we punish ourselves for our pain? Even if it wasn't our fault...
My guilt and shame are overwhelming - and I just can't seem to get past it.
I guess I never updated because I felt that I had to explain everything that happened since my last post - and most of the time it would take too long. But now, I'm starting anew. I'll gladly share my story if you're curious, but for now, I'll just be using this journal as an outlet - to release some of my thoughts and feelings.
I spent a lot of this evening reading some of my previous journal entries. It's odd to read back on all of those old words and see how easy my life used to be. I would bitch and complain about things that were meaningless and I often wondered how I was going to make it through those "tough times".
In my mind, I always thought that as I got older, things would get less complicated and the progression of age would bring along times of stress-free happiness. Now, I am not saying that I have never been happy - that's definitely not the case. It's just that I never realized that my life could be this hard. It seems that emotional pain almost always hurts worse than physical pain. Is it because we punish ourselves for our pain? Even if it wasn't our fault...
My guilt and shame are overwhelming - and I just can't seem to get past it.