Updates.
Time for updates. Things with Dave are great. He tolerates me being crazy right now which has been fantastic. I work at Antique Carriage corp. cleaning horse stalls and feeding some MONSTER horses. They are beyond huge. I guess you really can't take the farm from the girl.
Papa seems ok. His cancer is stage 4. They took his kidney which they thought was golf ball sized and turned out to be football sized! It has spread to his lymphnodes and his hip, femur, and shoulder. According to Dr.Marcotte, we're looking at close to a year left with him. It is soooo so strange to be home with him, because I don't know what to do. Am I supposed to be joking and making him laugh? Serious? Should I be spending every second I have with him? Should I move home? Does he know that I am destroyed about it? I've never met a better person than my Dad. It sounds super cliche, but it's so true. I have never heard anyone other than my Mother make a negative comment about him. What an awful thing to happen to him. He's using a walker, he's tired, he isn't eating. He can stop doing chemo and radiation if he wants to which is scary and reassuring at the same time, because it's making him miserable. Let's face it, do we want 4 extra months with Papa not being Papa? Being cranky and tired and sick, not being able to hunt or fish or hangout? Or do we let him stop the treatments and have an amazing few more months, but a few less months with the chemo and radiation??
I just don't know. I feel like my family may think I'm cold-hearted or unaffected because I'm not talking about this, and not having breakdowns with the rest of them...I just have no idea how to be around them, and don't want to think about it when I'm there with him.
Papa seems ok. His cancer is stage 4. They took his kidney which they thought was golf ball sized and turned out to be football sized! It has spread to his lymphnodes and his hip, femur, and shoulder. According to Dr.Marcotte, we're looking at close to a year left with him. It is soooo so strange to be home with him, because I don't know what to do. Am I supposed to be joking and making him laugh? Serious? Should I be spending every second I have with him? Should I move home? Does he know that I am destroyed about it? I've never met a better person than my Dad. It sounds super cliche, but it's so true. I have never heard anyone other than my Mother make a negative comment about him. What an awful thing to happen to him. He's using a walker, he's tired, he isn't eating. He can stop doing chemo and radiation if he wants to which is scary and reassuring at the same time, because it's making him miserable. Let's face it, do we want 4 extra months with Papa not being Papa? Being cranky and tired and sick, not being able to hunt or fish or hangout? Or do we let him stop the treatments and have an amazing few more months, but a few less months with the chemo and radiation??
I just don't know. I feel like my family may think I'm cold-hearted or unaffected because I'm not talking about this, and not having breakdowns with the rest of them...I just have no idea how to be around them, and don't want to think about it when I'm there with him.