My body may be broken, but..

[nanda]

It's really been weighing me down, lately. Being unable to do virtually anything. The fact that doctors don't know what's wrong with me. 5 years of this. Constant, barely endurable pain. I feel like I'm being tortured for information I don't have by an enemy I can't see. Everything always hurts, all the time, and OTC pain meds aren't working anymore.

I have an appointment with a rheumatologist in August. I'm leaving this area in July. No one really seems to get it. I don't need an appointment "in the future." I need help now. I need medicine now.

And it's not like I'm asking for narcotics. I don't wanna get high. I wanna get fixed. I wanna get better. I want my life back.

But, as always, I'm checking the silver lining. If the alternative is that my mind would be failing.. I much prefer this. Even though the mind can't exist without the body (at least with current technology) having a poor body is much preferred to failing mentally. I'm glad I am myself and aren't losing who I am through dementia, or mania, or anything like that. At least, as far as I know, right?

I'm trying to stay positive. Maybe there will be time, when I get to Washington, to get the appropriate doctors.

So, the thing I've been saying about all this..

My body may be broken, but my mind is sharp, and strong, like a steel trap.

~Nanda