In a recent post, matociquala talked about her self-hatred, the pervasiveness of self-hatred among women, and the importance of not spreading self-hatred
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This is really interesting to read. A lot of it is familiar to me as things I do, but some of it's different (mine's worse when I am reading or relaxing than when I am doing things) and it is proving very useful to me to try to think about how your patterns match mine, or don't, because I haven't heretofore been paying enough attention to the patterns. And as you say, describing it is worth pursuing. Asking "What am I doing?" sounds like a fantastic idea; resonant of things I've heard suggested but never tried properly myself. I think this formulation, the words of this question, could well be useful to me too.
Thanks. For all of this.
I'm not sure I can offer any advice, but I will continue to think about that.
i am not sure suicide is a sign of self-hatred. Despair is not self-hatred (my life has become endless suffering, this is how to end it) is not self-hatred as I understand the term, for example.
However, I agree men suffer from self-hatred as well as women. It is one of those things common to both sexes and all ethnic groups.
On the other hand, while some suicide is a result of physical pain, the feeling that one's life is endless suffering can be a result of the misery caused by self-hatred.
Summary: Julian Simon was miserable all the time. He was planning on committing suicide as soon as his sons passed a certain age.
Fortunately, he was good enough at his work and making money that he eventually had a short stretch of time when he had nothing he needed to do, and he started thinking about what was going on in his mind.
He concluded that misery is caused by comparing what is true to some ideal and feeling helpless to improve matters, and devised a number of ways of breaking up that way of thinking-- lower one's standards, improve the situation, realize that one cares about something more important than tormenting oneself, etc.
He mentioned that the pattern of self-harassment was the result of believing that he'd failed morally.
Suicide isn't necessarily a sign of self-hatred, but it seems to me like a reasonable proxy for the sharp end of the wedge, as it were, in the absence of better data.
Less flippantly, this is an issue I spend a lot of time thinking about, in the context of just wondering why it's something humans are so prone to.
It's possible that human brains just aren't very good at the whole conscience thing yet, sociopathy being as common as it is, so it stands to reason that conscience could be prone to failure in more or less the opposite way.
i learned to visualize the nasty voices that try to tell me I'm no good and stupid and powerless as snide little gnomes (as in 1" tall). When the voices would naggle at me, I would respond "into the Lava Pit" and visualize myself tossing this obnoxious little gnome into a pit of boiling lava. At which point all the other little nasty gnomes would cower and beg for mercy. "Anyone else want to tell me how stupid or powerless I am?" Terrified silence and trembling. "Good."
it takes a bit to make yourself believe it. But when you do, it an really improve your sense of power in the world.
Re: The Lava PitsosewalrusApril 6 2012, 01:00:37 UTC
Pride.
My K-12 experience can charitably be described as an effort to persuade me to doubt myself, with one or two notable exceptions. BTW, I'm told this is not uncommon for "gifted and talented." It was not until some years later that I discovered when I was younger and had attended a particularly enjoyable and challenging summer program that the reason I was admitted was because my IQ tested at 137+.
Being a social misfit also had its pluses.
I was stubborn. I was proud. I observed one or two other social misfits who would try desperately to fit in and abase themselves for acceptance. They revolted me. Better to reign in Hell, etc. Nor would I make the mistake of defining myself in opposition to others. I saw my older brother make that mistake. Doing something despite someone else gives them as much control as doing something because of someone else. To be myself, my actual self, would require constructing my own identity
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Thanks. For all of this.
I'm not sure I can offer any advice, but I will continue to think about that.
Reply
http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide_rates/en/
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However, I agree men suffer from self-hatred as well as women. It is one of those things common to both sexes and all ethnic groups.
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Here's a very pure example.
Summary: Julian Simon was miserable all the time. He was planning on committing suicide as soon as his sons passed a certain age.
Fortunately, he was good enough at his work and making money that he eventually had a short stretch of time when he had nothing he needed to do, and he started thinking about what was going on in his mind.
He concluded that misery is caused by comparing what is true to some ideal and feeling helpless to improve matters, and devised a number of ways of breaking up that way of thinking-- lower one's standards, improve the situation, realize that one cares about something more important than tormenting oneself, etc.
He mentioned that the pattern of self-harassment was the result of believing that he'd failed morally.
Reply
Reply
It's possible that human brains just aren't very good at the whole conscience thing yet, sociopathy being as common as it is, so it stands to reason that conscience could be prone to failure in more or less the opposite way.
Reply
it takes a bit to make yourself believe it. But when you do, it an really improve your sense of power in the world.
Reply
Reply
My K-12 experience can charitably be described as an effort to persuade me to doubt myself, with one or two notable exceptions. BTW, I'm told this is not uncommon for "gifted and talented." It was not until some years later that I discovered when I was younger and had attended a particularly enjoyable and challenging summer program that the reason I was admitted was because my IQ tested at 137+.
Being a social misfit also had its pluses.
I was stubborn. I was proud. I observed one or two other social misfits who would try desperately to fit in and abase themselves for acceptance. They revolted me. Better to reign in Hell, etc. Nor would I make the mistake of defining myself in opposition to others. I saw my older brother make that mistake. Doing something despite someone else gives them as much control as doing something because of someone else. To be myself, my actual self, would require constructing my own identity ( ... )
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