The Not So Painful Truth
Title: The Not So Painful Truth
Author: nancygrew
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Characters belong to ATWT
Notes: Futurefic. Takes place late October 2010. You do not have to read the rest of my stories in order to understand this one.
Summary: Bob's retiring and Reid's the new Chief of Staff
After Bob’s saccharine speech about his gratitude for having had the great honor of being Oakdale Memorial’s Chief of Staff and his complete faith in his replacement, it was Reid’s turn to step up to the podium and to give his inaugural speech as the new Chief of Staff.
"I was going to give a speech about how honored and humbled I was to be selected as the new Chief of Staff. And while the honored part is true, it would have been idiotic if I hadn’t been the one selected as the new Chief of Staff. I’m going to do such a great job and it would have been moronic if someone else had been given the job."
There seemed to be an equal amount of gasps and laughs from the crowd of Oakdale Memorial employees, Board members, members of the media and various freeloading moochers chowing down on free h’ors doerves..
"But I can see why some of you might be a little leery about me being your boss. I’m conceited and arrogant. I’m a rigid, over-achieving perfectionist with OCD tendencies. I have absolutely no people skills. I doubt that a day goes by when someone doesn’t put a pin in their Dr. Reid Oliver voodoo doll. Heck, I could probably make a fortune if I started marketing voodoo dolls of myself."
There was a lot of smirking and nodding in the audience.
"But I can back up my arrogance. I’m a world-renowned neurosurgeon and that’s going to bring us attention, patients and medical personnel that long to bask in the glory that is me. The fact that I’m a perfectionist means that I’m going to do everything possible to make this hospital a state of the art, technologically advanced, cutting edge facility that saves lives and improves the quality of living for all of it’s patients."
"It’s true that I’m a jerk. Even people that like me, there actually are a few, think I’m a jerk. But I’m a fair jerk who believes in rewarding people for hard work and recognizing their efforts. I want every one of you to live up to your potential and to excel at what you do. You came into Medicine because you wanted to make a difference. And you do make a difference. And if I can help you stay invested and interested by helping you with additional cross-training, more responsibilities, or educational opportunities, then I really will try to see that you get them."
"And fortunately for all of you, I no longer think that having a personal life is a ridiculous waste of time that takes your much-needed attention away from the job. Don’t get me wrong. I’m never going to want to see pictures of your dog or hear heart-warming anecdotes about your little, germ-ridden rugrats. But a balanced life can only serve to make you all better at your jobs."
"But talk is cheap. It’s what one does that’s important. I won’t be beloved like Dr. Bob Hughes but you probably won’t want to have me killed once you get used to me as Chief of Staff. Uh, see you."
Huh. He hadn’t planned on saying any of that. He turned around to step away from the podium.
"Dr. Oliver!" someone called out.
"Channing? What is an incompetent hack like you doing skulking around my hospital?" snarked Reid.
"I’m hardly skulking!" huffed Dr. Channing.
"Well, I doubt you were invited," said Reid. "Unless someone hired you to act like a clown for the pediatric wing. Did you bring a big red nose and floppy shoes with you?"
"I have a question for you that I would like answered in front of all of these good people," called out Dr. Channing.
"’All of these good people’?" mouthed Reid silently in disbelief.
"Isn’t it true that the only reason you’ve been given the Chief of Staff job is because you were given the Chief of Neurology job? And that you only got the Chief of Neurology job because you slept your way into it?"
There were more audible gasps. And a few smirks by those with a healthy amount of schadenfreude.
"That’s idiotic. I’ve been attached to the neurowing project from the very beginning when Henry Coleman made his very generous donation to Oakdale Memorial. Luke didn’t become involved with the project until later. And I didn’t manage to get into his pants until much later."
This confession was met with a wealth of amused and/or shocked gasps. Reid took a step backwards and glanced around to find Luke.
That was when Luke finally decided to rescue him.
"Ladies and gentlemen," spoke a smiling Luke as he approached the podium. He straightened Reid’s collar as he passed him. "I’m sure we’re all appreciative of Dr. Oliver honestly and forthrightly giving us his plans for maintaining the continued greatness of Oakdale Memorial. Even if it was in a slightly more quirky manner than the speech I had helped him write."
Luke grinned at the guests as he said this, welcoming them to share in his amusement at Reid’s complete lack of social skills. As usual, the Grimaldi charm seemed to win everyone over.
Luke began the introduction to the video presentation that he had put together with Kim Hughes and Chris Hughes. The presentation was meant to honor Bob and his commitment to the hospital. It was filled with funny and touching testimonials from many of his former patients.
"Even though Dr. Bob Hughes has left the hospital in good hands by entrusting Dr. Oliver with the stewardship of his beloved hospital, it doesn’t mean that we’re not going to miss Dr. Bob. He’s been such an integral part of this community and of our lives that his legacy will continue."
Reid walked away from the podium towards the back of the room. He was feeling kind of freaked out and out of control. He leant against a wall and tried to concentrate on the video presentation. Luke had done an amazing job with it.
The fashionable Barbara Ryan approached Reid.
"Dr. Oliver?" she asked with concern.
"Yeah?"
"Are you alright?"
"I think I might be having a neuorological episode," confessed Reid. The confession shocked Reid more than it seemed to shock Barbara.
"It did strike me as unusual that you referred to Henry by his given name instead of as ‘Hank’. I was hoping that you just might be a little drunk but I think maybe you were slipped truth serum by someone. Possibly by that rude doctor who asked you that extremely embarrassing question and who seemed surprised by your response."
Reid huffed a laugh. "That’s not how truth serum works. It’s not a roofie that you can just slip somebody. I realize that having been married to the notorious criminal mastermind James Stenbeck that you’re used to seeing nefarious schemes behind every corner but---"
Barbara cut him off. "When was the last time you had sex with Luke?"
"He nailed me about an hour ago in my office," responded Reid. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"
"Well, it’s not something that you would normally tell a relative stranger. The fact that you did answer my question should be worrisome."
Reid frowned. "Ask me another question and I’ll try to lie."
"Do you really dislike Henry?" asked Barbara.
"Not really. He’s ridiculous in about a dozen different ways but he has some positive qualities. I admire his loyalty to those he cares about. I actually wish that he was Katie’s boyfriend instead of that paragon of mediocrity Chris Hughes." Reid hadn’t meant to say any of that either. This was bad.
Barbara huffed. "Thanks a lot."
"Sorry," said Reid. "But it’s not as though I know you well enough to have any investment in your happiness. Plus, you’re actually one of the few people in the world that Luke hates. Well, he doesn’t use the word hate. But he thinks you destroyed his friend Will’s childhood and that you’re to blame for his Aunt Rose’s death. Crap. I’m really sorry."
Barbara waved him off. "Don’t apologize for something that’s not you’re fault. Not only are you obviously drugged, but I did do irreparable harm to my children. If it wasn’t for my late husband Hal providing them with some semblance of stability and safety, they’d probably be . . . Well, that’s not important right now. Luke was always really good to Will and I can appreciate the fact that he feels protective of him. I bear Luke no grudge. We need to get Bob to take a look at you before your honesty makes someone hit you over the head with a cast iron frying pan."
"I don’t want to ruin Bob’s moment basking in the adulation of his Bob-groupies. I trust Susan almost as much as Bobbo. I’ll grab her and get her to run some tests. It was really nice of you to worry about me and I actually do feel bad that I hurt your feelings."
"Don’t worry about it," said Barbara. She slipped one of her hands into the crook of Reid’s arm and led him to Dr. Susan Stewart who was raptly watching the video presentation.
"Susan," greeted Barbara. "Can you accompany me and Dr. Oliver into the hallway for a moment?"
"Sure," agreed a puzzled Susan.
Barbara led Reid and Susan towards Police Chief Margo Hughes. Margo was standing next to her husband, Tom Hughes while they watched the video presentation. Tom’s arm rested across Margo’s shoulders.
"Margo," greeted Barbara. "Can you accompany us into the hallway for a moment."
"Okay," said a suspicious Margo.
When the four of them reached the relative privacy of the hallway, Barbara told Margo and Susan that they had a problem.
"What’s going on?" asked Margo while resting her hand on the butt of her gun. "Is there a bomb threat or a kidnapping?"
"No," advised Reid. "I can’t lie."
"What?" asked a puzzled Margo.
"It’s not that I don’t believe in complete honesty," said Reid. "But the fact that I’m incapable of lying seems to indicate that I’m having some sort of neurological issue. Or, and I know that this sounds ridiculous, I’ve possibly been dosed with some kind of truth serum by the jealous, and uninvited, Dr. Channing. Maybe he got one of the servers to give me a drink that he slipped a Truth Mickey into."
"He did seem surprised that you didn’t confess to sleeping your way into the Neurowing when he asked about it," said Margo with a frown.
"That’s really not how truth serums work, though" blurted Susan.
"I know, I know," said Reid. "But I don’t have any other symptoms. Other than the complete inability to prevaricate."
Margo gave a considering frown. "You must like Chris a little bit, right? You did everything you could to save his life."
"I can’t stand Chris. He’s a petulant man-child and a mediocre doctor. He had no right to risk his health and possibly traumatize Katie who lost her most recent husband less than a year ago," said Reid. "And if that was a test to see if I could lie, it wasn’t a very good one. It’s not like I’ve ever pretended to respect Chris."
Margo gave a sheepish shrug.
Susan smirked. "Oooh, I’ve got one. Are you completely and totally in love with Luke Snyder? Do you daydream about him when you’re not together? Does your heart beat faster when he smiles at you?"
"Yes," bit out Reid. "And I kind of despise you a little right now."
"I’m going to go ask Dr. Channing a few questions," said Margo. She strode away. She was a woman on a mission.
"Why don’t you and I go to an exam room and run some tests," soothed Susan.
Barbara placed her hand on Reid’s arm. "I’m going to go back inside. As soon as he’s done with the presentation, I’ll let Luke know what’s going on."
"Try not to scare him, though," ordered Reid. Barbara nodded and hurried away.
Susan led Reid into an empty exam room.
"On the bright side, if you’re doomed to a lifetime of brutal honesty, it’s not like it’s going to be that big a change for you," comforted Susan.
"I’ve actually been working on my people skills lately," muttered Reid.
Susan made a disbelieving face.
"I didn’t say I was getting any good at it," huffed Reid.
Susan got Reid to hop up onto the exam table. She took Reid’s vitals and seemingly drew a gallon of blood for testing purposes. She patted Reid on his knee. "I’m going to go send these vials for testing. Why don’t you stay here for awhile?"
"I’m not anxious to go back out into the world without being able to lie about anything. You don’t really appreciate the ability to dissemble until you’ve lost it."
"Yeah, it’s the little things like lying that makes life worth living," agreed Susan.
Reid frowned at her. He was pretty sure she was joking.
Susan left to have the tests run.
A moment later, Katie rushed into the room. She pulled Reid into a tight hug.
"Geez, Margo must have waited all of ten seconds before spilling the beans to you," sighed Reid. "Why isn’t there some kind of Cop - Victim confidentiality?"
Katie smacked his arm. "I’m your best friend and Margo thought I should comfort you."
Reid shifted uncomfortably.
Katie frowned. "What is it? You’re worried you’re going to be forced to be honest about something with me, aren’t you?"
"Yeah," grunted Reid. "Why don’t you go see how Margo’s doing? Luke will be here any second."
"Not a chance, buster," exclaimed Katie. "What bit of annoying honesty is trying to bust it’s way out of you?"
"I really wish that you hadn’t invited me to your wedding with Chris," said Reid reluctantly.
"He’s my boyfriend and you’re just going to have to live with it," snarled Katie.
"For awhile, anyway," said Reid. "The problem is that I only plan on going to one of your future weddings. It’s a rule I have. I refuse to go to more than one wedding for any one person. Luke okayed it. If I go to your wedding with Chris, then I won’t be able to go to any of your other future weddings where there’s an actual chance that you’re not going to marry a loser."
"How dare you!" screeched Katie.
"Hey!" defended Reid. "I asked you to leave the room. You’re the one who insisted on staying and insisted on asking me what I didn’t want to tell you."
Luke entered the room just as Katie began a tirade. "If that’s how you really feel, then I wonder why I’m even friends with you. I think you need to apologize to both me and Chris for the way you feel about him."
"Get out," Luke ordered Katie.
"I’m not going--"
"If you don’t get the Hell out of here, I’m going to have security kick you out of the hospital and have you banned from the building for life," hissed Luke. "You’ll have to seek medical care from traveling hobo doctors."
Katie took a step backwards. She had never seen this side of Luke before.
"You’re one of the very few people that Reid actually trusts and you dare to make him think that your friendship is conditional?" sneered Luke. "And that it’s conditional on him pretending to like someone as unethical as Chris? You know that Reid’s been drugged. The fact that you’re using his condition as a weapon against him is appalling. I don’t want to see you again until I feel less like destroying your life. Get out."
Katie started crying and ran out of the room.
"Technically, you’re really not authorized to kick anyone out of the hospital or to have them banned for life," Reid gleefully informed Luke.
Luke shrugged. He sat down on the side of Reid’s exam table and took one of his hands into his. "I don’t want you to worry about your relationship with Katie. Once she realizes that she was wrong, I’ll allow her to apologize to you. She better do a little groveling, though."
"I know that I should be worried about me and my bestie being on the outs," admitted Reid. "But all I can really concentrate on is how hot you are. Protective Luke and Arrogant Luciano are two of your five sexiest aspects, you know. Let’s lock the door and have sex right now. Or we can leave the door unlocked, if you’d like."
Luke huffed a laugh. "Maybe we should put off having sex until they run all the tests that they need to run on you. I’m a little too worried about you to be able to enjoy exam table sex."
Reid gave an ever-so-sad sigh.
Luke kissed Reid on his forehead. "Look, I want you to know that I understand that you’re not exactly in control of what’s going to come out of your mouth. Not that you’ve ever been renowned for having any control of what’s going to come out of your mouth. But, I don’t want you to worry that I’m going to be offended if you’re even more truthful than usual. And if you manage to hurt my feelings, I’ll get over it. I don’t want you to be nervous about something that’s out of your control."
"What do you think I’m going to say to you that I don’t normally say?" asked a befuddled Reid. "You already know that you suck at chess."
Luke grinned at Reid. "Yes, it’s the chess thing that I’m worried about you being brutally honest about. It’s not as though you and I have different world-views, or age differences, or experience differences, or that we’re both stubborn jerks with annoying quirks."
Reid shrugged. "We’re on the same page when it comes to the important stuff. And our annoying quirks balance each other out nicely. In fact, I sometimes worry that our relationship is too easy. People are always yammering on and on about how much work relationships are but we haven’t actually had to work on it. We just fit."
"We do fit," agreed Luke. "But I think we do work on it. We’re pretty good at trying to see each other’s side when we argue. We support each other. We’re open and honest with one another. We schedule time together."
"That’s just common sense," replied Reid. "It’s not like that’s work. It’s not like we go on Woodland Couples Retreats where we try to balance our Feng Shui with our Thetans while we swim with dolphins. Woodland dolphins."
"I’m torn between being grateful that you went into neurosurgery instead of marriage counseling and squealing over the thought of us swimming with woodland dolphins," admitted Luke.
Just then Margo and Susan entered the examination room.
Luke stood up. "Did Channing admit to drugging Reid? Do we have a sample that the labs can test so that we can make sure that Reid’s going to be okay?"
"Channing denied everything," said Margo.
Reid harrumphed.
"But then Jack started questioning servers and threatened to charge them with attempted murder after we ran the fingerprints we found. We don’t actually have any evidence with fingerprints on it but . . Anyway, the first server he questioned tearfully confessed immediately. Channing had given her twenty bucks to give you that particularly glass. He convinced her that you were a schizophrenic and that you always had to be tricked into taking your medications."
"Can she be charged with stupidity?" asked Reid.
"No," smirked Margo. "We had to take Felony Stupidity off of the books. We ran out of room at the jailhouse. Anyway, once she confessed we had cause to search Channing and we found a half-emptied vial in his pocket."
"We’ve rushed the contents to the labs in order to get it analyzed but Channing had a list of the ingredients in the compound in his pocket. None of the ingredients are known toxins but we want to keep you overnight so that we can keep an eye on you," said Susan.
"I can’t believe that hack Channing managed to create something that’s actually kind of brilliant," huffed Reid.
"Actually, he didn’t," said Margo cheerily. "It was actually his cousin, Dr. Adolph Hitler Channing, who devised the drug. The Channing that’s your sworn enemy just borrowed some of it."
"Adolph Hitler Channing?" mouthed a silent Reid.
"Can you imagine what kind of boon to law enforcement a truth serum will be?" asked Margo.
"Sure, if you don’t mind getting rid of those pesky civil liberties that we all enjoy so much," snarked Reid.
"Actually, can you imagine how much money someone could make if they marketed it to parents of teenagers?" asked Susan. Margo and Susan gave each knowing looks and then got far-off, longing expressions on their faces. Reid found it kind of disturbing.
"When little Olivia Snyder becomes a teenager, we’re not keeping her drugged up on Truth Drops," Reid informed Luke.
Luke, possibly remembering his own teenage misadventures, didn’t verbally respond. He patted Reid’s knee. "Susan, do we know how long the effects will last?"
Margo pulled out her detective notebook and flipped it open. "Channing said that his cousin’s test subjects were affected for anywhere between 12 and 24 hours."
"So, we stay here overnight so that the staff can keep an eye on you then we hole up at the cottage until we’re sure that you can lie," suggested Luke. "And that sounded pretty weird."
"The problem is going to be in deciding what ward to put me in," said Reid. "It’s not like we have an Honesty Wing. And what diagnosis are we going to use on the paperwork? And what nurses are going to be willing to tend to my care if they know that I’m not going to even be capable of attempting polite lies? It’s only a matter of time before rumors about my ‘condition’ get out."
"Actually, I’m pretty sure the entire hospital already knows. Gossip Orderly overheard Margo talking to Channing. We’ll keep you the general wing," suggested Susan. "And I’ll figure out something with the paperwork. As for selecting a nurse for you . . . I got nothing."
Luke scratched his ear.
"What?" asked Reid suspiciously.
"I saw Gretchen Weinan out in the hall and she volunteered," claimed Luke.
"The teary one?" asked an astonished Reid. "Are you blackmailing her into it?"
"No," snorted Luke.
"Then why’d she volunteer?"
"I offered to make her a Dr. Reid Oliver voodoo doll," shrugged Luke.
Author: nancygrew
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Characters belong to ATWT
Notes: Futurefic. Takes place late October 2010. You do not have to read the rest of my stories in order to understand this one.
Summary: Bob's retiring and Reid's the new Chief of Staff
After Bob’s saccharine speech about his gratitude for having had the great honor of being Oakdale Memorial’s Chief of Staff and his complete faith in his replacement, it was Reid’s turn to step up to the podium and to give his inaugural speech as the new Chief of Staff.
"I was going to give a speech about how honored and humbled I was to be selected as the new Chief of Staff. And while the honored part is true, it would have been idiotic if I hadn’t been the one selected as the new Chief of Staff. I’m going to do such a great job and it would have been moronic if someone else had been given the job."
There seemed to be an equal amount of gasps and laughs from the crowd of Oakdale Memorial employees, Board members, members of the media and various freeloading moochers chowing down on free h’ors doerves..
"But I can see why some of you might be a little leery about me being your boss. I’m conceited and arrogant. I’m a rigid, over-achieving perfectionist with OCD tendencies. I have absolutely no people skills. I doubt that a day goes by when someone doesn’t put a pin in their Dr. Reid Oliver voodoo doll. Heck, I could probably make a fortune if I started marketing voodoo dolls of myself."
There was a lot of smirking and nodding in the audience.
"But I can back up my arrogance. I’m a world-renowned neurosurgeon and that’s going to bring us attention, patients and medical personnel that long to bask in the glory that is me. The fact that I’m a perfectionist means that I’m going to do everything possible to make this hospital a state of the art, technologically advanced, cutting edge facility that saves lives and improves the quality of living for all of it’s patients."
"It’s true that I’m a jerk. Even people that like me, there actually are a few, think I’m a jerk. But I’m a fair jerk who believes in rewarding people for hard work and recognizing their efforts. I want every one of you to live up to your potential and to excel at what you do. You came into Medicine because you wanted to make a difference. And you do make a difference. And if I can help you stay invested and interested by helping you with additional cross-training, more responsibilities, or educational opportunities, then I really will try to see that you get them."
"And fortunately for all of you, I no longer think that having a personal life is a ridiculous waste of time that takes your much-needed attention away from the job. Don’t get me wrong. I’m never going to want to see pictures of your dog or hear heart-warming anecdotes about your little, germ-ridden rugrats. But a balanced life can only serve to make you all better at your jobs."
"But talk is cheap. It’s what one does that’s important. I won’t be beloved like Dr. Bob Hughes but you probably won’t want to have me killed once you get used to me as Chief of Staff. Uh, see you."
Huh. He hadn’t planned on saying any of that. He turned around to step away from the podium.
"Dr. Oliver!" someone called out.
"Channing? What is an incompetent hack like you doing skulking around my hospital?" snarked Reid.
"I’m hardly skulking!" huffed Dr. Channing.
"Well, I doubt you were invited," said Reid. "Unless someone hired you to act like a clown for the pediatric wing. Did you bring a big red nose and floppy shoes with you?"
"I have a question for you that I would like answered in front of all of these good people," called out Dr. Channing.
"’All of these good people’?" mouthed Reid silently in disbelief.
"Isn’t it true that the only reason you’ve been given the Chief of Staff job is because you were given the Chief of Neurology job? And that you only got the Chief of Neurology job because you slept your way into it?"
There were more audible gasps. And a few smirks by those with a healthy amount of schadenfreude.
"That’s idiotic. I’ve been attached to the neurowing project from the very beginning when Henry Coleman made his very generous donation to Oakdale Memorial. Luke didn’t become involved with the project until later. And I didn’t manage to get into his pants until much later."
This confession was met with a wealth of amused and/or shocked gasps. Reid took a step backwards and glanced around to find Luke.
That was when Luke finally decided to rescue him.
"Ladies and gentlemen," spoke a smiling Luke as he approached the podium. He straightened Reid’s collar as he passed him. "I’m sure we’re all appreciative of Dr. Oliver honestly and forthrightly giving us his plans for maintaining the continued greatness of Oakdale Memorial. Even if it was in a slightly more quirky manner than the speech I had helped him write."
Luke grinned at the guests as he said this, welcoming them to share in his amusement at Reid’s complete lack of social skills. As usual, the Grimaldi charm seemed to win everyone over.
Luke began the introduction to the video presentation that he had put together with Kim Hughes and Chris Hughes. The presentation was meant to honor Bob and his commitment to the hospital. It was filled with funny and touching testimonials from many of his former patients.
"Even though Dr. Bob Hughes has left the hospital in good hands by entrusting Dr. Oliver with the stewardship of his beloved hospital, it doesn’t mean that we’re not going to miss Dr. Bob. He’s been such an integral part of this community and of our lives that his legacy will continue."
Reid walked away from the podium towards the back of the room. He was feeling kind of freaked out and out of control. He leant against a wall and tried to concentrate on the video presentation. Luke had done an amazing job with it.
The fashionable Barbara Ryan approached Reid.
"Dr. Oliver?" she asked with concern.
"Yeah?"
"Are you alright?"
"I think I might be having a neuorological episode," confessed Reid. The confession shocked Reid more than it seemed to shock Barbara.
"It did strike me as unusual that you referred to Henry by his given name instead of as ‘Hank’. I was hoping that you just might be a little drunk but I think maybe you were slipped truth serum by someone. Possibly by that rude doctor who asked you that extremely embarrassing question and who seemed surprised by your response."
Reid huffed a laugh. "That’s not how truth serum works. It’s not a roofie that you can just slip somebody. I realize that having been married to the notorious criminal mastermind James Stenbeck that you’re used to seeing nefarious schemes behind every corner but---"
Barbara cut him off. "When was the last time you had sex with Luke?"
"He nailed me about an hour ago in my office," responded Reid. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"
"Well, it’s not something that you would normally tell a relative stranger. The fact that you did answer my question should be worrisome."
Reid frowned. "Ask me another question and I’ll try to lie."
"Do you really dislike Henry?" asked Barbara.
"Not really. He’s ridiculous in about a dozen different ways but he has some positive qualities. I admire his loyalty to those he cares about. I actually wish that he was Katie’s boyfriend instead of that paragon of mediocrity Chris Hughes." Reid hadn’t meant to say any of that either. This was bad.
Barbara huffed. "Thanks a lot."
"Sorry," said Reid. "But it’s not as though I know you well enough to have any investment in your happiness. Plus, you’re actually one of the few people in the world that Luke hates. Well, he doesn’t use the word hate. But he thinks you destroyed his friend Will’s childhood and that you’re to blame for his Aunt Rose’s death. Crap. I’m really sorry."
Barbara waved him off. "Don’t apologize for something that’s not you’re fault. Not only are you obviously drugged, but I did do irreparable harm to my children. If it wasn’t for my late husband Hal providing them with some semblance of stability and safety, they’d probably be . . . Well, that’s not important right now. Luke was always really good to Will and I can appreciate the fact that he feels protective of him. I bear Luke no grudge. We need to get Bob to take a look at you before your honesty makes someone hit you over the head with a cast iron frying pan."
"I don’t want to ruin Bob’s moment basking in the adulation of his Bob-groupies. I trust Susan almost as much as Bobbo. I’ll grab her and get her to run some tests. It was really nice of you to worry about me and I actually do feel bad that I hurt your feelings."
"Don’t worry about it," said Barbara. She slipped one of her hands into the crook of Reid’s arm and led him to Dr. Susan Stewart who was raptly watching the video presentation.
"Susan," greeted Barbara. "Can you accompany me and Dr. Oliver into the hallway for a moment?"
"Sure," agreed a puzzled Susan.
Barbara led Reid and Susan towards Police Chief Margo Hughes. Margo was standing next to her husband, Tom Hughes while they watched the video presentation. Tom’s arm rested across Margo’s shoulders.
"Margo," greeted Barbara. "Can you accompany us into the hallway for a moment."
"Okay," said a suspicious Margo.
When the four of them reached the relative privacy of the hallway, Barbara told Margo and Susan that they had a problem.
"What’s going on?" asked Margo while resting her hand on the butt of her gun. "Is there a bomb threat or a kidnapping?"
"No," advised Reid. "I can’t lie."
"What?" asked a puzzled Margo.
"It’s not that I don’t believe in complete honesty," said Reid. "But the fact that I’m incapable of lying seems to indicate that I’m having some sort of neurological issue. Or, and I know that this sounds ridiculous, I’ve possibly been dosed with some kind of truth serum by the jealous, and uninvited, Dr. Channing. Maybe he got one of the servers to give me a drink that he slipped a Truth Mickey into."
"He did seem surprised that you didn’t confess to sleeping your way into the Neurowing when he asked about it," said Margo with a frown.
"That’s really not how truth serums work, though" blurted Susan.
"I know, I know," said Reid. "But I don’t have any other symptoms. Other than the complete inability to prevaricate."
Margo gave a considering frown. "You must like Chris a little bit, right? You did everything you could to save his life."
"I can’t stand Chris. He’s a petulant man-child and a mediocre doctor. He had no right to risk his health and possibly traumatize Katie who lost her most recent husband less than a year ago," said Reid. "And if that was a test to see if I could lie, it wasn’t a very good one. It’s not like I’ve ever pretended to respect Chris."
Margo gave a sheepish shrug.
Susan smirked. "Oooh, I’ve got one. Are you completely and totally in love with Luke Snyder? Do you daydream about him when you’re not together? Does your heart beat faster when he smiles at you?"
"Yes," bit out Reid. "And I kind of despise you a little right now."
"I’m going to go ask Dr. Channing a few questions," said Margo. She strode away. She was a woman on a mission.
"Why don’t you and I go to an exam room and run some tests," soothed Susan.
Barbara placed her hand on Reid’s arm. "I’m going to go back inside. As soon as he’s done with the presentation, I’ll let Luke know what’s going on."
"Try not to scare him, though," ordered Reid. Barbara nodded and hurried away.
Susan led Reid into an empty exam room.
"On the bright side, if you’re doomed to a lifetime of brutal honesty, it’s not like it’s going to be that big a change for you," comforted Susan.
"I’ve actually been working on my people skills lately," muttered Reid.
Susan made a disbelieving face.
"I didn’t say I was getting any good at it," huffed Reid.
Susan got Reid to hop up onto the exam table. She took Reid’s vitals and seemingly drew a gallon of blood for testing purposes. She patted Reid on his knee. "I’m going to go send these vials for testing. Why don’t you stay here for awhile?"
"I’m not anxious to go back out into the world without being able to lie about anything. You don’t really appreciate the ability to dissemble until you’ve lost it."
"Yeah, it’s the little things like lying that makes life worth living," agreed Susan.
Reid frowned at her. He was pretty sure she was joking.
Susan left to have the tests run.
A moment later, Katie rushed into the room. She pulled Reid into a tight hug.
"Geez, Margo must have waited all of ten seconds before spilling the beans to you," sighed Reid. "Why isn’t there some kind of Cop - Victim confidentiality?"
Katie smacked his arm. "I’m your best friend and Margo thought I should comfort you."
Reid shifted uncomfortably.
Katie frowned. "What is it? You’re worried you’re going to be forced to be honest about something with me, aren’t you?"
"Yeah," grunted Reid. "Why don’t you go see how Margo’s doing? Luke will be here any second."
"Not a chance, buster," exclaimed Katie. "What bit of annoying honesty is trying to bust it’s way out of you?"
"I really wish that you hadn’t invited me to your wedding with Chris," said Reid reluctantly.
"He’s my boyfriend and you’re just going to have to live with it," snarled Katie.
"For awhile, anyway," said Reid. "The problem is that I only plan on going to one of your future weddings. It’s a rule I have. I refuse to go to more than one wedding for any one person. Luke okayed it. If I go to your wedding with Chris, then I won’t be able to go to any of your other future weddings where there’s an actual chance that you’re not going to marry a loser."
"How dare you!" screeched Katie.
"Hey!" defended Reid. "I asked you to leave the room. You’re the one who insisted on staying and insisted on asking me what I didn’t want to tell you."
Luke entered the room just as Katie began a tirade. "If that’s how you really feel, then I wonder why I’m even friends with you. I think you need to apologize to both me and Chris for the way you feel about him."
"Get out," Luke ordered Katie.
"I’m not going--"
"If you don’t get the Hell out of here, I’m going to have security kick you out of the hospital and have you banned from the building for life," hissed Luke. "You’ll have to seek medical care from traveling hobo doctors."
Katie took a step backwards. She had never seen this side of Luke before.
"You’re one of the very few people that Reid actually trusts and you dare to make him think that your friendship is conditional?" sneered Luke. "And that it’s conditional on him pretending to like someone as unethical as Chris? You know that Reid’s been drugged. The fact that you’re using his condition as a weapon against him is appalling. I don’t want to see you again until I feel less like destroying your life. Get out."
Katie started crying and ran out of the room.
"Technically, you’re really not authorized to kick anyone out of the hospital or to have them banned for life," Reid gleefully informed Luke.
Luke shrugged. He sat down on the side of Reid’s exam table and took one of his hands into his. "I don’t want you to worry about your relationship with Katie. Once she realizes that she was wrong, I’ll allow her to apologize to you. She better do a little groveling, though."
"I know that I should be worried about me and my bestie being on the outs," admitted Reid. "But all I can really concentrate on is how hot you are. Protective Luke and Arrogant Luciano are two of your five sexiest aspects, you know. Let’s lock the door and have sex right now. Or we can leave the door unlocked, if you’d like."
Luke huffed a laugh. "Maybe we should put off having sex until they run all the tests that they need to run on you. I’m a little too worried about you to be able to enjoy exam table sex."
Reid gave an ever-so-sad sigh.
Luke kissed Reid on his forehead. "Look, I want you to know that I understand that you’re not exactly in control of what’s going to come out of your mouth. Not that you’ve ever been renowned for having any control of what’s going to come out of your mouth. But, I don’t want you to worry that I’m going to be offended if you’re even more truthful than usual. And if you manage to hurt my feelings, I’ll get over it. I don’t want you to be nervous about something that’s out of your control."
"What do you think I’m going to say to you that I don’t normally say?" asked a befuddled Reid. "You already know that you suck at chess."
Luke grinned at Reid. "Yes, it’s the chess thing that I’m worried about you being brutally honest about. It’s not as though you and I have different world-views, or age differences, or experience differences, or that we’re both stubborn jerks with annoying quirks."
Reid shrugged. "We’re on the same page when it comes to the important stuff. And our annoying quirks balance each other out nicely. In fact, I sometimes worry that our relationship is too easy. People are always yammering on and on about how much work relationships are but we haven’t actually had to work on it. We just fit."
"We do fit," agreed Luke. "But I think we do work on it. We’re pretty good at trying to see each other’s side when we argue. We support each other. We’re open and honest with one another. We schedule time together."
"That’s just common sense," replied Reid. "It’s not like that’s work. It’s not like we go on Woodland Couples Retreats where we try to balance our Feng Shui with our Thetans while we swim with dolphins. Woodland dolphins."
"I’m torn between being grateful that you went into neurosurgery instead of marriage counseling and squealing over the thought of us swimming with woodland dolphins," admitted Luke.
Just then Margo and Susan entered the examination room.
Luke stood up. "Did Channing admit to drugging Reid? Do we have a sample that the labs can test so that we can make sure that Reid’s going to be okay?"
"Channing denied everything," said Margo.
Reid harrumphed.
"But then Jack started questioning servers and threatened to charge them with attempted murder after we ran the fingerprints we found. We don’t actually have any evidence with fingerprints on it but . . Anyway, the first server he questioned tearfully confessed immediately. Channing had given her twenty bucks to give you that particularly glass. He convinced her that you were a schizophrenic and that you always had to be tricked into taking your medications."
"Can she be charged with stupidity?" asked Reid.
"No," smirked Margo. "We had to take Felony Stupidity off of the books. We ran out of room at the jailhouse. Anyway, once she confessed we had cause to search Channing and we found a half-emptied vial in his pocket."
"We’ve rushed the contents to the labs in order to get it analyzed but Channing had a list of the ingredients in the compound in his pocket. None of the ingredients are known toxins but we want to keep you overnight so that we can keep an eye on you," said Susan.
"I can’t believe that hack Channing managed to create something that’s actually kind of brilliant," huffed Reid.
"Actually, he didn’t," said Margo cheerily. "It was actually his cousin, Dr. Adolph Hitler Channing, who devised the drug. The Channing that’s your sworn enemy just borrowed some of it."
"Adolph Hitler Channing?" mouthed a silent Reid.
"Can you imagine what kind of boon to law enforcement a truth serum will be?" asked Margo.
"Sure, if you don’t mind getting rid of those pesky civil liberties that we all enjoy so much," snarked Reid.
"Actually, can you imagine how much money someone could make if they marketed it to parents of teenagers?" asked Susan. Margo and Susan gave each knowing looks and then got far-off, longing expressions on their faces. Reid found it kind of disturbing.
"When little Olivia Snyder becomes a teenager, we’re not keeping her drugged up on Truth Drops," Reid informed Luke.
Luke, possibly remembering his own teenage misadventures, didn’t verbally respond. He patted Reid’s knee. "Susan, do we know how long the effects will last?"
Margo pulled out her detective notebook and flipped it open. "Channing said that his cousin’s test subjects were affected for anywhere between 12 and 24 hours."
"So, we stay here overnight so that the staff can keep an eye on you then we hole up at the cottage until we’re sure that you can lie," suggested Luke. "And that sounded pretty weird."
"The problem is going to be in deciding what ward to put me in," said Reid. "It’s not like we have an Honesty Wing. And what diagnosis are we going to use on the paperwork? And what nurses are going to be willing to tend to my care if they know that I’m not going to even be capable of attempting polite lies? It’s only a matter of time before rumors about my ‘condition’ get out."
"Actually, I’m pretty sure the entire hospital already knows. Gossip Orderly overheard Margo talking to Channing. We’ll keep you the general wing," suggested Susan. "And I’ll figure out something with the paperwork. As for selecting a nurse for you . . . I got nothing."
Luke scratched his ear.
"What?" asked Reid suspiciously.
"I saw Gretchen Weinan out in the hall and she volunteered," claimed Luke.
"The teary one?" asked an astonished Reid. "Are you blackmailing her into it?"
"No," snorted Luke.
"Then why’d she volunteer?"
"I offered to make her a Dr. Reid Oliver voodoo doll," shrugged Luke.