Title: Noah's Exes
Author: nancygrew
Disclaimer: Characters belong to ATWT
Notes: Futurefic. Takes place early May, 2017 about six months after my fic Cop Play. You do not have to read any of my other fic in order to understand this one. I had originally planned the conversation between Maddie and Luke but then the very funny lemondrop34 had mentioned in Noah_Who how she thought that a fic with Richard and Luke having a conversation would be a good thing. Thus I smushed Richard in here.
Characters: Luke/Reid, Maddie, Richard
Rating: PG [just some cussing]
Summary: Luke is having lunch when he gets some company.
The cafe had just opened for the day when Luke strolled in carrying his laptop. He noticed that the soundtrack to Psycho was playing on the sound system. He planned on making Calliope’s Cafe and Cinema his base of operations for most of the day. His sister Faith had commandeered his and his husband Reid’s house for the day so that she could throw a joint baby shower for their sister, Abigail Snyder Ward, and sister-in-law, Carolyn Crawford Snyder. Luke had taken getting kicked out of their home for the day with equanimity. Reid had not. Several weeks ago when Faith had informed Luke and Reid that they’d have to vacate their home on an upcoming Saturday so that Faith could throw a baby shower, Reid had huffed and puffed. If there had been a nearby house made of straw or wood, it would have fallen down. Reid pointed out that Faith could use her mother’s house or her grandmother’s estate or her grandma’s farmhouse or her father’s condo or her boyfriend’s condo. She responded by ignoring him. Reid pointed out that Luke and Faith’s mother, Lily Walsh Hughes had previously given Abigail and Carolyn a joint baby shower back when they had been pregnant with their first children, little Jeffrey David Snyder-Ward and wee DeWitt Harvey Crawford-Snyder respectively. Surely, they didn’t need more baby crap. Babies were small; they couldn't even appreciate conspicuous consumption yet. Faith responded by explaining to Reid that the shower Lily had thrown for them had been lame and hadn’t even included oiled-up Go Go Boys. Reid had felt that this was a compelling argument and had stopped kicking up a fuss.
Letting Faith use their house for the shower made sense to Luke. Reid and Luke had previously done the math and had theorized that both Carolyn and Abigail had become pregnant with their second children after attending, with their husbands, Reid and Luke’s Literary Character Theme Party back on New Year’s Eve. It had been a great party. Perhaps unsurprisingly, detective characters had been a very popular choice of costume for the party. Abigail and her husband, Gregory Snyder Ward, had come as Sherlock Holmes and his nemesis, Irene Adler; Abigail had been dressed as Sherlock and Gregory as Irene. Carolyn and her husband, Aaron Crawford Snyder, had come as Lord Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane. Bob and Kim Hughes had come as Agatha Christie’s detectives, Tommy and Tuppence. Luke’s grandmother, Emma Snyder had come as Miss Marple. Faith had come, in vintage tweed and cloche hat, as Nancy Drew and had dressed her boyfriend, Casey Hughes, in vintage tennis whites as the bland love interest, Ned Nickerson. Casey had explained that he had wanted to come as Zorro but that Faith had vetoed the idea. Luke forwent making comments about Casey being completely whipped by Faith. Reid had not forgone making comments about Casey being completely whipped by Faith. Casey had just shrugged and explained that Faith was really, really pretty.
Not everyone had dressed as literary detectives. Luke’s youngest sister, Natalie Snyder, had put together a Alice in Wonderland posse. She had come as Alice while she had dressed her good-natured youngest brother, Ethan, as the Mad Hatter. Lucinda Walsh had come as the Queen of Hearts while her husband, John Dixon, had come as the King of Hearts. Natalie had somehow managed to get her fashionable mother, Lily and Lily’s husband, Adam Hughes, to come as Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum. Reid had made several comments about the fact that the costume that Lily had worn was the only Tweedle-Dee costume ever made with a décolletage neckline.
The rest of the costumes were varied. Henry Coleman and Barbara Ryan had come as The Scarlet Pimpernel and Marguerite St. Just. Paul Ryan and Emily Stewart had come as Huckleberry Finn and Becky Thatcher; however, Emily’s version of Becky Thatcher wore high heels. Holden Snyder and Lien Hughes Snyder came as Mr. Rochester and Jane Eyre. To the utter and complete delight of the Ward sisters, who were dressed as Glinda the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch of the West, MJ Snyder had [barely] dressed as Conan the Barbarian. Other guests had covered the gamut from Greek mythology to the Bible to Shakespeare to graphic novels.
Reid had talked Luke into dressing as James Bond, solely because Luke looked hot in a tux. Reid had decided to come dressed as Ernst Blofeld. Maddie Coleman [dressed as a hobbit] and Gwen Munson [dressed as Pippi Longstocking] had decided to spend the evening creating scenarios in which James Bond and Ernst Blofeld would have had hot gay sex together. Luke found it horrifying while Reid had been highly entertained by the idea [and by Maddie’s and Gwen’s interest in something called PWP].
When Luke reached the counter of the café, he ordered a quinoa salad with vegetables and a mango smoothie. The server at the counter greeted Luke enthusiastically and sighed dreamily over his lunch choice. After tipping the server, Luke took his lunch to a small table so that he could do a final polish on what would be his last term paper before he would be awarded his MBA. He had enjoyed many of the classes he had taken, but he was relieved to be almost done with school.
He had completed the rough draft for his Global Management class paper last night. It wasn’t due for another couple of weeks but he hated leaving anything for the last minute. He had decided to write his term paper about the 1980s attempted takeover of Grimaldi Shipping by Corinth Shipping back when the late Eduardo Grimaldi had run Grimaldi Shipping. Given that Luke was the current president of Grimaldi Shipping, he had access to all of the Grimaldi Shipping’s internal documentation as well as what was in the public domain. He also had Eduardo Grimaldi’s personal diaries bequeathed to him by Eduardo’s widow, Lisa Grimaldi. Luke was quite proud of the paper he had written. Corporate espionage, financial malfeasance, bribery of public officials. It had it all. Maybe some day, he’d write a novel based upon the events. Of course, Luke’s paper didn’t mention the fact that Ricardo Corinth died in a mysterious accident with no known witnesses not too long after the failed takeover attempt. Luke had no proof but he wouldn’t be surprised if he were to discover that his paternal, sort-of grandmother, Orlena Grimaldi, had been behind Ricardo Corinth’s accident. Luke wasn’t sure how the authorities had arrived at the conclusion that the man had accidentally decapitated himself while barbecuing.
Luke was just about done with the final polish when he noticed his husband putting a tray down on the table and pulling over a chair. Luke grinned at Reid in greeting. Reid grasped Luke’s chin and bent down to give him a tongue-fest of a kiss.
"I take it the emergency surgery went well," said a smiling Luke once Reid had finished.
"We need to have neurosurgery victory sex at some point today," said Reid while digging his fork into his Moroccan-style chickpea salad.
"I already promised to have neurosurgery victory sex with Ben Harris today," said Luke. "But I can pencil you in for tomorrow."
"How droll," said Reid right before he shoveled some salad into his mouth.
Maddie, one of Luke’s partners in Calliope’s, approached their table. She pulled up a chair.
Maddie shot a glare in Reid’s direction. "Why haven’t you talked Luke out of the whole farce with Noah?"
Reid sighed and raised an eyebrow in Luke’s direction.
"I wasn’t keeping it a secret," Luke huffed. "He called this morning while you were at the hospital. I was going to tell you about it later."
"So, tell me now," demanded Reid.
"You know how he’s been seeing a therapist for awhile?" asked Luke.
"Yep. I’m amazed Redhead Hughes didn’t take one look at him and commit him to a Nut House immediately. Your Aunt Meg’s former room is probably still available. I hear the other patients are afraid to use it because of it having lots of bad juju. And the persistent odor of nutmeg."
"Anyway, he’s been trying to come to terms with his past and Frannie thought it would be a good idea for Noah to have a joint session with me so that we could talk about our past relationship and he could get some kind of closure."
"Where did Redhead Hughes get her psychology degree? A cereal box?" snarked Reid.
"Yes," answered Luke. "DeWitt Cereals was having a special promotion. Buy one box of Honey Monkeys cereal and get a free college degree."
"Noah’s the whacka-douche, it’s ridiculous that you have to attend his session----"
"Look, I’m not exactly looking forward to it," said Luke. "It’s not going to be a laugh riot for me to relive how pitiful I was with him. I was so desperate for his love, his approval. I don’t like thinking about how pathetic I was when I was with him. Begging him not to leave me. Begging him to come back to me. All the damn time, Reid."
Reid took a deep breath. He cradled Luke’s cheek with his hand. "You weren’t pathetic or pitiful. The fact that you love completely is awe-inspiring and the fact that he failed you is his issue not yours. He’s the one who needs therapy, not you. There’s no reason for you to have to suffer through his therapy. Screw that guy."
Luke snorted. "I don’t want to be the type of person who turns his back on someone who needs help Reid. Especially when it’s someone that I once loved."
Reid tossed his hands into the air and huffed. "Okay, you gotta be you. Birds gotta fly. Hank has to cross-dress. You gotta care. But promise me that you will walk out the door the very second he tries to make you feel guilty or sad. Or if he even looks like he’s thinking of blaming you for anything."
"Deal," smiled Luke.
Maddie crossed her arms over her chest and muttered. "Great. Just freaking great."
"What’s your problem, Hank’s Sister?" asked Reid.
"Noah called me after he talked to Luke. It seems that Frannie Hughes thinks a session with me would be good for Noah. And I’d look like a bitch if Luke was willing to go through with this ridiculousness and I wasn’t."
"I’m not going to try to talk you into doing anything you don’t want to do," said Luke. "But I thought you and Noah were still sort of friendly. You spend more time with him than I do."
"I enjoy hanging out with Noah occasionally talking about old movies with him," admitted Maddie. "I do mostly like him. But it’s because I ignore the fact that he was a jerk who didn’t care about destroying my college career or my self-esteem just so that he could fake heterosexuality. ‘Hashing it out’ with Noah will not be conducive to us remaining friendly. Thinking about that relationship just makes me feel like an idiot."
"On the plus side, you could bring up your successful career and your handsome cunnilingus-loving boyfriend during the session and make Noah cry like a baby," suggested Reid.
"There is that," agreed Maddie. "Looking back on it, I don’t see how I didn’t know that Noah was gay. I just thought he was boring in bed."
"Oh, he is," said Reid. "Luke once told me that Noah used to freak out whenever---"
"Reid!" yelled Luke. Reid shrugged unrepentantly.
"I’ve always blamed Luke falling in love with Closet Boy on the fact that Luke always had so much love to give and was just waiting for someone to give it to," Reid said to Maddie. "What was the pathology behind you falling in love with the idiot."
"I don’t know if I was ‘in love’ with Noah," said Maddie. "But I cared enough about him and what was going on between us that I was willing to give up Wesleyan for him. Part of it was probably my desperate need to be ‘normal.’"
"Normality is an idiotic thing to wish for," said Reid.
"After being the girl whose sister is a serial killer and whose boyfriend is in jail, being normal was really attractive."
"Okay, fair point," nodded Reid.
"And Noah seemed so normal and nice," said Maddie.
"Then he turned out not to be normal or nice," said Reid.
Maddie nodded. "Even after I figured out he had used me to try to pretend to be something he wasn’t, I gave him a lot of slack and I even forgave him. I figured that he must have been so scared that he had been desperate."
"He was scared," said Luke.
"Yeah, but what type of person lets their fear control their decisions?" asked Maddie. "Especially when it hurts other people. How was hurting me and using me okay just because he was scared of being gay and disappointing his father?"
"It wasn’t," soothed Luke.
"And it wasn’t fair to you to put you in the position of trying to convince him to be honest with me," said Maddie.
"No, it wasn’t," said Luke. "He was so angry at me when I was trying to convince him to be honest with you that I wasn’t even sure anymore that my motivations were pure."
"He was always good at using his self-righteous anger to make you question yourself," said Reid while stabbing at a stray chickpea with his fork. Luke rubbed a hand down Reid’s back.
"Just because I’ve agreed to a session with Noah, doesn’t mean that you have to," said Luke. "Noah and I aren’t really close enough anymore that I have any fear of the session ruining our friendship. And I know that sounds mean."
"It doesn’t sound mean," assured Maddie. "Your breakup with him was a lot uglier than my breakup with him. And the fact that you tried to stay friends with him afterwards is testament to what a good guy you are. He’s the one who ruined your romantic relationship and he’s the one who ruined your friendship."
Luke scratched his ear. "I don’t think it’s really productive to put blame on anyone when it comes to my relationship with Noah. I made just as many mistakes as he did."
Maddie smiled gently. "Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you hadn’t wasted so much time on Noah?"
Maddie laughed in delight as Luke blushed.
"I don’t regret my relationship with Noah," asserted Luke as Reid looked at him in amusement. "But, maybe we both would have been a lot happier if I had just let him walk away from me during one of our first breakups. Maybe if I had just let him join the army, it could have just been one of those bittersweet first romances that one looks back upon with a gentle smile. And maybe Noah would have been happier if he had committed himself to something that he felt would have made his father proud of him."
"Oh, we’re going to get into his Daddy Issues?" asked Maddie. "For someone who preaches the gospel of self-reliance and independence as much as Noah does, you’d think he wouldn’t have spent his entire adult life trying to please Daddy."
"I get wanting to have your dad love you," said Luke. "Even during the times where I was estranged from Damian or Holden, I wanted them to love me. But it always felt like Noah blamed me for the fact that he lost his relationship with his dad. He definitely blamed me when his dad was temporarily dead. I wish I had been able to make Noah happier during our relationship. Maybe he would have been able to let go of his conflicted feelings about his dad."
"No one could have made Noah happy, Luke," said Reid. "He’s not capable of being happy."
Maddie, Reid and Luke noticed that Richard Edwards had approached their table.
Richard waved at them. They waved back.
"Is it okay if I pull up a chair?" asked Richard.
"Sure," said Luke.
Richard pulled up a chair. "So, is it true that you two are going to attend therapy sessions with Noah?" he asked Luke and Maddie.
"Yeah," admitted Luke. "He told you about it?"
Richard nodded. "He asked me to attend one, too."
Maddie gave a start. "Oh my goodness, I wasn’t around back then so I always forget that you’re in the Noah Mayer Was A Lousy Boyfriend club."
"Well, to be fair, he and I weren’t together very long," said Richard. "To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure what we were to each other."
"He must have cared about you if he wants to get closure with you," said Luke sweetly.
"I think there should be some kind of statute of limitations with people trying to get closure," said Richard. "I really liked him and I felt like such an idiot when he dumped me. The fact that he wants to bring all of that back up when I moved on years ago just seems mean."
"On the plus side, during the session, you can tell Noah about how solid and loving your marriage with Brian is," said Reid. "You can tell him about the gay cruises you go on and the annual Oscar night parties that you give. You can tell him how much you love your job managing The Lakeview."
"Would it be petty to shove my happiness in Noah’s face?" asked Richard.
"A little bit," said Luke.
"It’s a good thing I don’t mind being petty," replied Richard. Reid snorted.
"Okay, I know why Luke and I each took a turn on the Noah Dysfunction Coaster," said Maddie. "How did you end up dating him?"
"We met at physical therapy," answered Richard. "He just seemed so . . . nice."
"You all know that nice is code for boring, right?" asked a disgusted Reid.
The Exes of Noah ignored Reid.
"He did have a lot of anger that would slip out but that was just because of his accident and being blind," said Richard.
"No, it wasn’t," said Luke.
"Really?" asked Richard.
Luke nodded. "He was angry a lot. At least with me. He was always Mr. Pleasant with everyone else so I always figured that I was the reason he had so much anger."
"You know that’s not true, right?" asked Maddie. "I think some of Noah’s anger is at his dad and some of it’s just because he’s kind of a jerk."
"He really is a jerk," said Richard. "Do you know that he dumped me the very minute he got back his sight?"
"No way!" said Maddie.
"Yeah," huffed Richard. "Tell me that isn’t enough to give a guy a complex."
"You’re totally cute. Why did he dump you?" asked Maddie.
"He was still in love with Luke and was set on winning him back," explained Richard.
"And his plan to win back the fair Luke lasted about ten minutes," snarled Reid. "He finally realized what he’d lost but didn’t even fight for him."
"Well, he did ask me to go to LA with him," said Luke. "Twice."
"When was this?" asked Reid.
"After you and I were really together but before he left for LA," said Luke.
"Why didn’t you mention this before?" asked Reid.
"Yeah, because you always loved me bringing Noah up in the conversation," said Luke. "Besides, by that point I had stopped feeling guilty about the fact that you were the one I wanted to be with."
"Did he at least make some sort of grand, romantic gesture to show you how much he still loved you?" asked Reid. "Did he make you a film or a mix tape or buy you roses?"
Luke huffed a small laugh. "No. I don’t think he was really invested in me moving to LA with him. I think his asking was really more habit than still having genuine feelings for me. The way he asked me wasn’t particularly flattering. It was sort of ‘I always pictured us together’ as opposed to ‘I love you so much.’"
"Noah wasn’t exactly big with the romance," said Maddie. "So, for those of us keeping track . . . Noah was boring in bed, wasn’t big with romance, was a jerk and had daddy issues. But other than that, do we think he was a good boyfriend?"
"He was totally selfish when it came to sex," said Richard.
"So it wasn’t just cunnilingus where he failed miserably?" asked Maddie.
Richard glanced over at Luke. "Would it have hurt you to be just a little selfish in bed so that his future lovers wouldn’t have to suffer the expectations of complete selflessness during sex?"
Luke ignored Reid’s smirk. "There wasn’t exactly a ton of sex during our relationship."
"Why not?" asked Maddie.
"If they had a healthy relationship, then Noah couldn’t use withholding sex and physical affection as a way to control Luke," explained Reid.
"We were both young and made mistakes, Reid," said Luke.
"Quick, tell me the best thing about your relationship with Noah," demanded Reid. "Don’t take any time to think about it. Just say it."
Luke gave a reluctant laugh. "He did help me with physical therapy when I was paralyzed."
"Yeah, after his father tried to kill you," snarled Reid. "How much credit can we really give Noah for doing something that anyone would have done.""
"He gave me a watch once," said Luke.
"Really? That’s how far you have to reach in order to say something nice about your ex-barista?" grinned Reid.
"He used to open the door for me," said Maddie.
"And you let this Romeo get away?" snarked Reid.
Maddie and Luke looked at Richard, expecting him to say something innocuously nice about Noah.
Richard shrugged. "I got nothing."
"Did the two of you date long enough that you got to see how self-righteous Noah could be?" Maddie asked Richard.
"Seeing as how we dated for more than two minutes, yes," replied Richard.
"You know, he turned Luke in for rigging a college election even though he had asked Luke to risk going to jail by lying to the INS so that Noah could marry some stranger to keep her in the country," said Maddie.
"Hey!" huffed Luke. "Not my best moment. You couldn’t have picked another example?"
"If you need another example, Faith has a whole computer program called Noah is a Loser," said Reid. "There’s a spreadsheet and Venn diagrams and footnotes."
"How about the time that he blamed you for Damian turning in the professor who was trying to sleep with Noah?" Maddie asked Luke.
"Why was it wrong for Damian to turn in a predatory professor?" asked Richard.
"As long as the professor was giving him a good grade, Noah didn’t care that the guy was trying to ruin his relationship with Luke," explained Reid.
"You weren’t even around back then," Luke whined to Reid.
"Am I wrong?" asked Reid.
Luke made a face.
"You want to know the best thing about Noah?" asked Reid.
"That he’s flammable?" said Luke.
"That a pitchfork would probably go easily into his head?" said Maddie.
"Ha! No. It’s the fact that I look even more amazing than I am by being compared to him."
Luke nodded solemnly. "That is true. You know what else is true?"
"What?" asked Reid.
"I have a beautiful life. I’m completely in love with my husband. I have a wonderful, if sometimes crazy, family that I adore. I have a fulfilling career. I have amazing friends. The fact that I once had a not-great relationship isn’t something that’s capable of hurting me. Spending an hour in therapy with Noah is something that I can do if it’s something that can help Noah come to terms with his romantic history."
"I have a pretty great life, too," said Maddie. "I guess I can spend an hour of my time doing something that might help an unhappy friend find some inner peace."
"My life is super," agreed Richard. "It won’t kill me to spend an hour doing something that might help some miserable excuse of a human being get some motivation for stop being a jerk."
"That’s the spirit," Reid told Richard.
Maddie went back to work and Richard went to buy a couple of sandwiches to take home with him and Luke and Reid were left alone.
" Hey, you know half the family is at the baby shower and the other half is in Chicago at a Cubs game."
"So, we have a Snyder-free Oakdale to run amok in?" asked Reid.
"You know, Noah would never go skinny dipping with me at the pond."
Reid sighed. "What is with you and skinny dipping? Fine, you and I can go skinny dipping at the Germ Lagoon. I’m wearing eye goggles though."