The Reality Of It All
I bit the bullet and decided to actually do the work co-op program which means I get to grow up this summer. Good times, can't wait.
The silver lining of all of this is that I don't have to go to work and see the two of them together anymore. I won't be spending an entire summer watching the two of them get closer together, giving each other more back rubs in the office, more arms around each other and hugs. I won't be constantly thinking to myself every time I over hear a sweet exchange over the phone and an exchange of endearment thinking that could have been me, that could have been wonderful and sweet. And maybe I won't keep getting reminded that there are really sweet guys out there that will do wonderful things for the people they are with to make them feel special and loved. And even better, hopefully by not having my nose rubbed in it I will stop feeling bitter about life and love.
I haven't thrown in the towel altogether, but I have come to the sad understanding that I will probably never find that. I have had long term relationships before and still never really been filled with that feeling of being really loved, wanted and desired. I don't honestly think that people really want or like me that much; I'm a fun person to hang out with but beyond that, meh.
So yeah, not going to waste my time looking or hoping anymore because it isn't worth it. I find people, I start having feelings for them, and I get hurt, so no, that isn't for me. Instead of looking for mister right, I'll be concentrating on the now, hanging out, sharing good times, and forget about anything beyond that because quite honestly, it just ain't going to happen.
It's just really too bad, because deep down inside I really am a sweet person, if anyone cared enough to really find out.
The silver lining of all of this is that I don't have to go to work and see the two of them together anymore. I won't be spending an entire summer watching the two of them get closer together, giving each other more back rubs in the office, more arms around each other and hugs. I won't be constantly thinking to myself every time I over hear a sweet exchange over the phone and an exchange of endearment thinking that could have been me, that could have been wonderful and sweet. And maybe I won't keep getting reminded that there are really sweet guys out there that will do wonderful things for the people they are with to make them feel special and loved. And even better, hopefully by not having my nose rubbed in it I will stop feeling bitter about life and love.
I haven't thrown in the towel altogether, but I have come to the sad understanding that I will probably never find that. I have had long term relationships before and still never really been filled with that feeling of being really loved, wanted and desired. I don't honestly think that people really want or like me that much; I'm a fun person to hang out with but beyond that, meh.
So yeah, not going to waste my time looking or hoping anymore because it isn't worth it. I find people, I start having feelings for them, and I get hurt, so no, that isn't for me. Instead of looking for mister right, I'll be concentrating on the now, hanging out, sharing good times, and forget about anything beyond that because quite honestly, it just ain't going to happen.
It's just really too bad, because deep down inside I really am a sweet person, if anyone cared enough to really find out.