Why Do I Like All The Pretty Boys?
Wow, well I wonder what part of me thought that was a good idea, or any of this really. And I'm wondering whatever became of my no musician policy, but really, am I surprised it got thrown away? It seems like they all are musicians out here in East Van. All the pretty ones are anyways.
I felt amazing first thing in the morning post Halloween, elated that I went from being a half hour late for work to a half hour early, carrying a black high heeled shoe in one hand and my meter stick in the other. I managed to make it home in one piece besides being a little fucked the night before, both literally and literally, swaggering and sauntering home feeling like a rock star and on top of the world no regrets whatsoever. And now all I can think of is him; I fucked someone I cared about on pretty much the first date and now I am afraid he is going to evaporate on me.
That night I didn't want him to speak because I didn't want him to feel as though he needed to give me any lines, because in all honesty, I was more than willing and had been waiting to do so for a while. Today as I rode home on the SkyTrain from school after a few days of perspective and a lot of thought, I knew that all I wanted at that very moment was to open my eyes and see him standing right there in front of me. Written out it looks like a very small thing to say, but if you analyze the intensity of the message, it’s an incredibly profound thought. The very knowledge that through sheer coincidence if I were to run into him at any given instant, if my head became upturned from its relaxed rest on the back of the seat, sunlight streaming onto my face as it rested while listening to my music, and thinking, always thinking, and upon reopening my eyes to the world the first image I would focus on would be the one of his face, that the very sight of his image would make my heart skip a beat and tears ping the edges of my eyelids, is very profound to me. It would be one overwhelmingly powerful moment, one so completely drenched in emotion, a culmination of relief and love converging at once into a single instant of time. Without hesitation I would walk to him, and give him the biggest hug as I stood on tip toe, my head resting on his chest, arms fully wrapped around him, breaking the embrace only to lay one slow hard kiss on his lips, and take his hand.
No regrets, just uncertainty. I guess that's the way the dating game goes though really, from one uncertainty to the next. We'll see what the weekend brings. Either way, it was a great Halloween.
I felt amazing first thing in the morning post Halloween, elated that I went from being a half hour late for work to a half hour early, carrying a black high heeled shoe in one hand and my meter stick in the other. I managed to make it home in one piece besides being a little fucked the night before, both literally and literally, swaggering and sauntering home feeling like a rock star and on top of the world no regrets whatsoever. And now all I can think of is him; I fucked someone I cared about on pretty much the first date and now I am afraid he is going to evaporate on me.
That night I didn't want him to speak because I didn't want him to feel as though he needed to give me any lines, because in all honesty, I was more than willing and had been waiting to do so for a while. Today as I rode home on the SkyTrain from school after a few days of perspective and a lot of thought, I knew that all I wanted at that very moment was to open my eyes and see him standing right there in front of me. Written out it looks like a very small thing to say, but if you analyze the intensity of the message, it’s an incredibly profound thought. The very knowledge that through sheer coincidence if I were to run into him at any given instant, if my head became upturned from its relaxed rest on the back of the seat, sunlight streaming onto my face as it rested while listening to my music, and thinking, always thinking, and upon reopening my eyes to the world the first image I would focus on would be the one of his face, that the very sight of his image would make my heart skip a beat and tears ping the edges of my eyelids, is very profound to me. It would be one overwhelmingly powerful moment, one so completely drenched in emotion, a culmination of relief and love converging at once into a single instant of time. Without hesitation I would walk to him, and give him the biggest hug as I stood on tip toe, my head resting on his chest, arms fully wrapped around him, breaking the embrace only to lay one slow hard kiss on his lips, and take his hand.
No regrets, just uncertainty. I guess that's the way the dating game goes though really, from one uncertainty to the next. We'll see what the weekend brings. Either way, it was a great Halloween.