"I could live a life of gender-specific pronouns, and answer truthfully about boyfriends."
It's been... nearly six months since I have last updated this journal. And to think that I promised myself I would actually try to keep posting as regularly as possible. But you know what happens. Things start to happen in your life, and then, when you see it, so many things have happened that you feel lazy to just explain it to your dear readers (not that I have a whole lot of readers left after this hiatus).
I just feel like I've been compromising to do so many things that I just can't honour all of those commitments. It's not that I don't have the time; I just don't have the energy.
So I promised myself that these vacations I was not going to screw around and do nothing, but that I would study and read things I needed (and still need) to read for college, since I am now in two research groups, and they demand some of my time.
Today I sat down, and decided I was going to throw myself head long into the case I'm supposed to study and yet... And yet I ended up on my Live Journal looking for a copy of the Chart to send to a friend of mine. Oh, and all of that while trying to download the first episode of the fifth season of The L Word on a really slow internet connection.
Did I mention I'm at a vacation resort at Bahia?
Oh, yeah. My whole family is here and I've been acting straight for such a long time now that I am this close to freaking out. Actually, I have not been myself to a point in which whenever I engage on a conversation with my father or my stepmother I just blurt out comments about the lesbian world. I know my dad accepts gay people and all, but how desperate need a person be in order to do that?
I just... feel like I'm in the closet all over again, and that feeling creeps me out. I had made the decision to actually come out to my overly Catholic grandmother and my father's side of the family, but after three weeks with them I have decided I am not that bold. Also, I don't feel like the moment is right, since I really don't wish to spoil the trip or give my grandmother an opportunity to ask me stupid questions and annoy me to an even greater extent than she's managed to annoy me during the past weeks with her homophobic comments regarding other people.
The decision has, therefore, been indefinitely postponed, even though I hate the feeling that everyone knows I'm gay, and is being careful around me not mention a subject that could bring it up. But they all clearly already know, since nobody has mentioned marriage, kids or boys to me since I went to the countryside on December 19th. It is either a world record that they are taking such a long time to taunt me with inquiries regarding boyfriends, or the subject has become more tender than my family can swallow. Obviously, I would go for the second option.
On other news, I broke up with my ex-girlfriend for the second time, something I had never done before (this sounded like a paradox. I meant to say, I never broke up with anyone in my life "for the second time"). It was a weird experience, but a relieving one - not an offense to Chris, since I know that she has felt the same relief. As good lesbians that we (or I) are, we're still friends, and are doing ok.
Speaking of the girls in my life, my best friend is traveling on Friday, and I unfortunately won't see her until my birthday. I already haven't seen her in ages, so I'll have to figure out how to live without her hugs for a little while longer. We also decided to record a podcast about The L Word, which was pretty fun to do, and that we should keep recording for the next months as season five develops.
Speaking of season five, I'm now off to finish the first episode, and then, hopefully, get some work done.
Post scriptum: some people have added me during the hiatus, and I have no idea who some of them are, so please, if you're still around, identify yourself!
I just feel like I've been compromising to do so many things that I just can't honour all of those commitments. It's not that I don't have the time; I just don't have the energy.
So I promised myself that these vacations I was not going to screw around and do nothing, but that I would study and read things I needed (and still need) to read for college, since I am now in two research groups, and they demand some of my time.
Today I sat down, and decided I was going to throw myself head long into the case I'm supposed to study and yet... And yet I ended up on my Live Journal looking for a copy of the Chart to send to a friend of mine. Oh, and all of that while trying to download the first episode of the fifth season of The L Word on a really slow internet connection.
Did I mention I'm at a vacation resort at Bahia?
Oh, yeah. My whole family is here and I've been acting straight for such a long time now that I am this close to freaking out. Actually, I have not been myself to a point in which whenever I engage on a conversation with my father or my stepmother I just blurt out comments about the lesbian world. I know my dad accepts gay people and all, but how desperate need a person be in order to do that?
I just... feel like I'm in the closet all over again, and that feeling creeps me out. I had made the decision to actually come out to my overly Catholic grandmother and my father's side of the family, but after three weeks with them I have decided I am not that bold. Also, I don't feel like the moment is right, since I really don't wish to spoil the trip or give my grandmother an opportunity to ask me stupid questions and annoy me to an even greater extent than she's managed to annoy me during the past weeks with her homophobic comments regarding other people.
The decision has, therefore, been indefinitely postponed, even though I hate the feeling that everyone knows I'm gay, and is being careful around me not mention a subject that could bring it up. But they all clearly already know, since nobody has mentioned marriage, kids or boys to me since I went to the countryside on December 19th. It is either a world record that they are taking such a long time to taunt me with inquiries regarding boyfriends, or the subject has become more tender than my family can swallow. Obviously, I would go for the second option.
On other news, I broke up with my ex-girlfriend for the second time, something I had never done before (this sounded like a paradox. I meant to say, I never broke up with anyone in my life "for the second time"). It was a weird experience, but a relieving one - not an offense to Chris, since I know that she has felt the same relief. As good lesbians that we (or I) are, we're still friends, and are doing ok.
Speaking of the girls in my life, my best friend is traveling on Friday, and I unfortunately won't see her until my birthday. I already haven't seen her in ages, so I'll have to figure out how to live without her hugs for a little while longer. We also decided to record a podcast about The L Word, which was pretty fun to do, and that we should keep recording for the next months as season five develops.
Speaking of season five, I'm now off to finish the first episode, and then, hopefully, get some work done.
Post scriptum: some people have added me during the hiatus, and I have no idea who some of them are, so please, if you're still around, identify yourself!