Financial Ownership of a Dog
from editgrrl
Vacuum Cleaning
I no longer buy vacuum bags.edit: I must constantly buy vacuum bags. While the following is true: My dogs eagerly take care of accidentally dropped food. They will sit under the table at mealtime to provide our family with instant clean up service....the price for this is the inordinate amount of hair left in a fuzzy overcoating of EVERYTHING in the house. Thus, the need for vacuum bags
Identity Protection
There is no need to buy a paper shredder or sign up for expensive identity protection services. I simply give all my financial papers to my dogs and they are unreadable in no time. The dogs also do a wonderful shredding job on old magazines, towels, and even blankets (when playing tug of war) which cuts down on overall trash while making all of it so indistinguishable that not even an identity thief would want to try and decipher it.edit: Damn me for training him to stop doing this as a puppy!
Stranger Screening - check
I no longer need to pay for background checks on my mail-person, delivery drivers or my neighbors. My dogs will give every visitor a thorough sniffing before allowing entrance to my yard. They also come with a convenient built-in alarm system if the stranger does not pass inspection.
Exercising
I don’t waste money on a gym membership. I hook my big male dog to a leash and let him pull me through the neighborhood. I get a good run from the forward momentum and my biceps are starting to bulge from restraining him. Also, it’s a great opportunity for him to pre-screen our neighbors during our walk.edit: too bad the pulling and general bad lead behaviour increases my need to see the chriopractor
Custom Remodeling - check
I have remodeled for free. My exterior doors have a new look since my dogs scratched on them. Their design work on my wood doors is lovely, but they are especially proud of the sliding-glass door etching. This was no easy feat and it took them several tries to get it just right. As a bonus, the smears from nose and tongue prints on the sliding glass doors provide an opaque privacy screen against anyone fond of snooping.
Dishwashing - check
I save water. This is good for the environment as well as the wallet. I put dirty dishes on the floor and allow my dog to pre-wash them. No scraping or rinsing required.
Pest removal
My dogs will stomp ants, snatch flies from the air and chase rodents to the house next door.edit: this, unfortunately is not true. Bugs may be sniffed up his nose, then sneezed out, but rodents are completely ignored. Moles and squirrels have also been eradicated from my yard I don't know about moles, but squirrels are rodentia non grata.
Bogart still comes out as a benefit, though. love my dog.
Vacuum Cleaning
I no longer buy vacuum bags.edit: I must constantly buy vacuum bags. While the following is true: My dogs eagerly take care of accidentally dropped food. They will sit under the table at mealtime to provide our family with instant clean up service....the price for this is the inordinate amount of hair left in a fuzzy overcoating of EVERYTHING in the house. Thus, the need for vacuum bags
Identity Protection
There is no need to buy a paper shredder or sign up for expensive identity protection services. I simply give all my financial papers to my dogs and they are unreadable in no time. The dogs also do a wonderful shredding job on old magazines, towels, and even blankets (when playing tug of war) which cuts down on overall trash while making all of it so indistinguishable that not even an identity thief would want to try and decipher it.edit: Damn me for training him to stop doing this as a puppy!
Stranger Screening - check
I no longer need to pay for background checks on my mail-person, delivery drivers or my neighbors. My dogs will give every visitor a thorough sniffing before allowing entrance to my yard. They also come with a convenient built-in alarm system if the stranger does not pass inspection.
Exercising
I don’t waste money on a gym membership. I hook my big male dog to a leash and let him pull me through the neighborhood. I get a good run from the forward momentum and my biceps are starting to bulge from restraining him. Also, it’s a great opportunity for him to pre-screen our neighbors during our walk.edit: too bad the pulling and general bad lead behaviour increases my need to see the chriopractor
Custom Remodeling - check
I have remodeled for free. My exterior doors have a new look since my dogs scratched on them. Their design work on my wood doors is lovely, but they are especially proud of the sliding-glass door etching. This was no easy feat and it took them several tries to get it just right. As a bonus, the smears from nose and tongue prints on the sliding glass doors provide an opaque privacy screen against anyone fond of snooping.
Dishwashing - check
I save water. This is good for the environment as well as the wallet. I put dirty dishes on the floor and allow my dog to pre-wash them. No scraping or rinsing required.
Pest removal
My dogs will stomp ants, snatch flies from the air and chase rodents to the house next door.edit: this, unfortunately is not true. Bugs may be sniffed up his nose, then sneezed out, but rodents are completely ignored. Moles and squirrels have also been eradicated from my yard I don't know about moles, but squirrels are rodentia non grata.
Bogart still comes out as a benefit, though. love my dog.