it hurts all over
ok, so I'll admit it, I'm just a little numb now. I still feel like shit though. Last week started out promising, but ended in a horrible way.
My Tuesday night drinking fit with cherise was ok, up until I threw up and my back yard attacked cherise with her own allergies.
Friday night is when shit really got bad. out of the complete events of the evening, this is what happened on my end. I get a call from Jeremy telling me that he found badger out with his (Jeremy’s)friends. now from what I knew badger was supposed to be at work and not playing hooky smoking pot with Jeremy’s friends. I later on get a call that Jeremy and nick are bringing badger over to my house to see me. I found it a little odd that badger wouldn't call me him self and tell me this.
anyways, Jeremy comes and leaves, leaves badgers cell with me since badger left it in his car. then nick and badger showed up, badger took his phone and walked like he was going to head out the door again. I'm glad nick sat down. Jeremy called a couple of times and stated that his girlfriend was upset cause badger had told her I hated her. well the actual statement was that she was not one of my favorite people. either way, only once did I say to him that I was uncomfortable around her and at the time he seemed really apathetic about it, but apparently it's important enough to take it completely out of context and tell her. not happy.
so badger and nick leave, and Friday comes. during my lunch break I go home and talk to nikki and Jeremy till I'm due back at work. nikki corners me online and asked why I was dating badger, of course only after she heard the previous nights events. I really started thinking about my relationship with him, and I really didn't like it, and haven't for a while. I guess I felt it was better then being alone, but I was alone, even if I was with him.
so I got home, really sad, but still understanding what I had to do, I had to end it even if the only way was over the phone. the first time I called there was no answer, just his voice mail. I told Jeremy what was happening, hopping that it might help me to be strong if I talked to someone about it.
the second time I called, I got his voice mail again, and this was several hours later. I needed to do it right there and then, so I broke up with badger through his voice mail. I don't know how he took it, but I guess that makes it a little easier.
all I was looking for after that was some comfort or some kind of human contact, I was so desperate to talk to someone, to calm my self down. I haven't shook that hard almost ever. Jeremy stayed with me that night, it was nice to have someone in the house after all that.
I tried talking to my grandmother today about what happened, she told me that it seemed that badger was in love with me and that I couldn't care less.
what she doesn't know, and what I didn't know till a couple of hours ago is that on Friday, if badger hadn't left his phone in Jeremy’s car and Jeremy hadn't left it with me that he wouldn't have come over.
I don't know how to feel, all I know it that it hurts all over, and it won't go away.
tomorrow is mothers day, and I'm spending it in the movie theater with grandma. I'm regretting opening my mouth to her about what was going on, I've felt like shit since. on a lighter note, I'm having dinner at Sue’s house tomorrow night, and that always a therapeutic experience.
anyways, I'm out, there are people coming over and I think being downstairs would be beneficial to their arrival.
night guys!
Luvs,
~Nana
My Tuesday night drinking fit with cherise was ok, up until I threw up and my back yard attacked cherise with her own allergies.
Friday night is when shit really got bad. out of the complete events of the evening, this is what happened on my end. I get a call from Jeremy telling me that he found badger out with his (Jeremy’s)friends. now from what I knew badger was supposed to be at work and not playing hooky smoking pot with Jeremy’s friends. I later on get a call that Jeremy and nick are bringing badger over to my house to see me. I found it a little odd that badger wouldn't call me him self and tell me this.
anyways, Jeremy comes and leaves, leaves badgers cell with me since badger left it in his car. then nick and badger showed up, badger took his phone and walked like he was going to head out the door again. I'm glad nick sat down. Jeremy called a couple of times and stated that his girlfriend was upset cause badger had told her I hated her. well the actual statement was that she was not one of my favorite people. either way, only once did I say to him that I was uncomfortable around her and at the time he seemed really apathetic about it, but apparently it's important enough to take it completely out of context and tell her. not happy.
so badger and nick leave, and Friday comes. during my lunch break I go home and talk to nikki and Jeremy till I'm due back at work. nikki corners me online and asked why I was dating badger, of course only after she heard the previous nights events. I really started thinking about my relationship with him, and I really didn't like it, and haven't for a while. I guess I felt it was better then being alone, but I was alone, even if I was with him.
so I got home, really sad, but still understanding what I had to do, I had to end it even if the only way was over the phone. the first time I called there was no answer, just his voice mail. I told Jeremy what was happening, hopping that it might help me to be strong if I talked to someone about it.
the second time I called, I got his voice mail again, and this was several hours later. I needed to do it right there and then, so I broke up with badger through his voice mail. I don't know how he took it, but I guess that makes it a little easier.
all I was looking for after that was some comfort or some kind of human contact, I was so desperate to talk to someone, to calm my self down. I haven't shook that hard almost ever. Jeremy stayed with me that night, it was nice to have someone in the house after all that.
I tried talking to my grandmother today about what happened, she told me that it seemed that badger was in love with me and that I couldn't care less.
what she doesn't know, and what I didn't know till a couple of hours ago is that on Friday, if badger hadn't left his phone in Jeremy’s car and Jeremy hadn't left it with me that he wouldn't have come over.
I don't know how to feel, all I know it that it hurts all over, and it won't go away.
tomorrow is mothers day, and I'm spending it in the movie theater with grandma. I'm regretting opening my mouth to her about what was going on, I've felt like shit since. on a lighter note, I'm having dinner at Sue’s house tomorrow night, and that always a therapeutic experience.
anyways, I'm out, there are people coming over and I think being downstairs would be beneficial to their arrival.
night guys!
Luvs,
~Nana