A Rant Caused By Pain and My Frustrations with Sickle Cell
Its been forever in a year since I posted to LJ Facebook has become my social network of choice. I refuse to get a twitter. I post this hear because if I post this on my FB I'll get too many got damn "Are You Okay? It will be alright." messages. And I really hate their fake sympathy because you will never understand what I go through or feel on a daily basis. I hate this genetic curse called Sickle Cell. Never do I wish that I wasn't born but I do wish it would be without this disease.
As I type this I'm feeling very intense pain across my body. In my back, In my legs, my arms. I'm trying to ignore it but the pain just doesn't want to be ignored. I however really don't want to spend another day at Grady. I have nothing to take that could help ease this pain as I haven't been to the doctor to get my prescription refilled in two months. I hate those drugs anyways. My doctors are constantly pushing this treatment that JUST DOESNT WORK. When I tell them I feel like the drug makes me sicker they just say thats because you have to stick with it. Give it time if you keep starting and stopping treatment it will never work. The only reason I keep starting and stopping treatment is cause your pills make me SICK but when I dont take them I have to hear the Dr's harping about the treatment and how it will help.
I'm tired of the nurses and doctors in the Acute Care center fussing about me missing Dr. Appointments they say maybe you wouldn't keep getting sick if you kept your Dr appointments. I don't have insurance lady I cant afford to go to the doctor monthly or afford your pills that cost $60 a bottle that simply DON'T WORK. I love and hat the Acute Care center because I don't have to go to the emergency and get treated like shit from Doctors that don't know shit about Sickle Cell. I hate however the procedure of 1,2,3 go. Yes nurse I understand that your only allowed to give me 3 shots of morphine one shot every 3.5 hrs, but I'm still in pain and no sending me home with a prescription of percocets isn't going to help.
I hate opiates I really do. The itchyness, the nausea, the complete dumbing down of the mind and having my body feel as if its not in my own control just really really sucks. However its the only thing that can ease the pain of a Sickle Cell crisis. I also hate dumb doctors and nurses who treat me like a drug addict because of this. I'm not a drug addict just a person in VERY INTENSE PAIN I'm pretty sure if I was white and suffering from MS It wouldn't be a goddamn problem. I hate the pain that is consuming me now that has me typing this long as rant that most likely makes no sense. I'm just typing as I'm thinking it trying to focus off of the pain I am experiencing right now.
I have veins that are hard very hard to find for most nurses. Its the rare nurse who can successfully draw blood or I.V me on the first stick. As a result of having to be stuck multiple times to I.V I'm noticing needle marks in commonly stuck areas on my arms and wrist. It isn't that many that I'm worried about looking like a I.V Drug user but I am worried that this is a sign of my veins collapsing. I feel as if on my current route a port is in my future. I so don't want that. Is there anyway beside drinking alot of water to revitalize your veins or something? There has to be.
I hate that I'm seriously thinking about going to Grady right now. The pain is so intense however I really don't want to spend the next 14 hrs in an hospital. But the pain is really becoming to much. I hate that as I get older I seem to be getting sicker and sicker. I used to not have daily pain. I used to not have to take pain medication everyday just to get through the day. I used to be able to go out drinking, and not worry about possible triggering a Sickle Cell crisis. I hate the fact that anything can make me go into crisis. To hot...crisis; to cold...crisis; stressed...crisis.
AAAAAAAAARGHGLJGLH LKJ FLJ DL I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN RIGHT NOW!
As I type this I'm feeling very intense pain across my body. In my back, In my legs, my arms. I'm trying to ignore it but the pain just doesn't want to be ignored. I however really don't want to spend another day at Grady. I have nothing to take that could help ease this pain as I haven't been to the doctor to get my prescription refilled in two months. I hate those drugs anyways. My doctors are constantly pushing this treatment that JUST DOESNT WORK. When I tell them I feel like the drug makes me sicker they just say thats because you have to stick with it. Give it time if you keep starting and stopping treatment it will never work. The only reason I keep starting and stopping treatment is cause your pills make me SICK but when I dont take them I have to hear the Dr's harping about the treatment and how it will help.
I'm tired of the nurses and doctors in the Acute Care center fussing about me missing Dr. Appointments they say maybe you wouldn't keep getting sick if you kept your Dr appointments. I don't have insurance lady I cant afford to go to the doctor monthly or afford your pills that cost $60 a bottle that simply DON'T WORK. I love and hat the Acute Care center because I don't have to go to the emergency and get treated like shit from Doctors that don't know shit about Sickle Cell. I hate however the procedure of 1,2,3 go. Yes nurse I understand that your only allowed to give me 3 shots of morphine one shot every 3.5 hrs, but I'm still in pain and no sending me home with a prescription of percocets isn't going to help.
I hate opiates I really do. The itchyness, the nausea, the complete dumbing down of the mind and having my body feel as if its not in my own control just really really sucks. However its the only thing that can ease the pain of a Sickle Cell crisis. I also hate dumb doctors and nurses who treat me like a drug addict because of this. I'm not a drug addict just a person in VERY INTENSE PAIN I'm pretty sure if I was white and suffering from MS It wouldn't be a goddamn problem. I hate the pain that is consuming me now that has me typing this long as rant that most likely makes no sense. I'm just typing as I'm thinking it trying to focus off of the pain I am experiencing right now.
I have veins that are hard very hard to find for most nurses. Its the rare nurse who can successfully draw blood or I.V me on the first stick. As a result of having to be stuck multiple times to I.V I'm noticing needle marks in commonly stuck areas on my arms and wrist. It isn't that many that I'm worried about looking like a I.V Drug user but I am worried that this is a sign of my veins collapsing. I feel as if on my current route a port is in my future. I so don't want that. Is there anyway beside drinking alot of water to revitalize your veins or something? There has to be.
I hate that I'm seriously thinking about going to Grady right now. The pain is so intense however I really don't want to spend the next 14 hrs in an hospital. But the pain is really becoming to much. I hate that as I get older I seem to be getting sicker and sicker. I used to not have daily pain. I used to not have to take pain medication everyday just to get through the day. I used to be able to go out drinking, and not worry about possible triggering a Sickle Cell crisis. I hate the fact that anything can make me go into crisis. To hot...crisis; to cold...crisis; stressed...crisis.
AAAAAAAAARGHGLJGLH LKJ FLJ DL I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN RIGHT NOW!