so, why are you so quiet?

[namistai]

i really need to write in this thing more.

it's difficult though.
you don't know me.
shit, not even that.
you aren't me.
you don't know what i've seen, felt, thought...
maybe you've been through something similar.
maybe not.
any/everything that i say in here is just
a tiny little piece of this thing
that i'm living each & every day.

as much as i might want to say,
might want to tell you,
is it really even worth the bother?
i suppose it's still worth the shot
(certainly, i say enough to communicate
at least a vague semblance of what i feel
about things most of the time).
but,
i can put everything i have into describing my life,
or her life,
or this,
or that.
but there's still so much -
that's just there
and that completely escapes words.

there's a reason why i don't let people
read much (if any) of what i write.
it just doesn't express enough of what i want...
what i need it to.
though
(hindsight is always a bitch),
i guess it does -
but only to me.

no matter how articulate the words,
illustrative the passages,
intense the emotions,
it's just not the same to you.
close, but...just...
not quite enough for me.

& it kills me,
that with something so important to me,
something that i feel warrants expressing
exactly what i'm thinking to the world -
no matter what i want to say,
how i want to make you feel,
what i want to make you think about...

i just can't.