(no subject)
Three for the price of one, I present you with....
Turkey-Day Rant
I'm be blunt and straightforward- worst Thanksgiving EVER.
I have half a mind to poor my dad's rum down the drain, and I would if my mom hadn't beaten me to it. Wednesday night was horrid- cried myself to sleep for the first time in ages, and it's all his fault. My father has turned back into a drunkard and dear lord does this disappoint me. He PROMISED that he wouldn't take up hard alcohol again. And yes, I know he can't drink beer anymore because of his gout and that that's why he picked it up again. But he could at least have the decency to limit himself.
He's a god-damned asshole when he's drunk.
And you know what else, he's not my father when he's drunk. I refuse to recognise him as my father when he's drunk, because when he's drunk he's a completely different person.
THREE HOURS of belittling and verbally abusing my mom. You have no idea how much I respect her self control, how much I respect how she handles this. I don't know how she doesn't snap at him.
And they started arguing about me. Do you know how guilty that made me feel? To know that he'll still praise me when he's drunk but completely turns his back on my mother at the same time? And I know I should go into hysterics because they're having an argument, however heated it may be, but I can't help it. I know I'm sensitive, and my parents are constantly picking on me because of that- or at least my dad is. And the worst part is he doesn't even realize it's his fault, he doesn't realize that the reason I cry whenever someone's yelling at me, or yelling around me is his fault. Because when I was little I associated yelling with the possibility that my parents would get a divorce, with the prospect that my mom would hug me the next morning and say 'I'm sorry'. So it's imbedded in my psyche now.
Thursday came and I took a shower as soon as I woke up to alleviate the puffy I-was-crying-last-night eyes. The tension in the house was so thick it was affecting my breathing. Mom set me up helping her cook, she seemed in a good enough mood and so did my dad. They apologized, but the funny thing about apologizing is that it's suppose to mean it won't happen again. The day went on well enough until about 9:00 when my dad was drunk again. On Wednesday night he at least started with something that made sense, though granted he didn't end with it. Last night however he didn't, he just started up about how the pumpkin pie was too dark. I like it better dark. Anyway, around 10:00 I just got sick of him cursing out everything from the doctors to the attic ceiling and went out to tell them both that I was going to bed. He must have been in the middle of yelling at mom then because he didn't stop talking to her when he turned to me and just said 'Fuck you'. Now, I know it was aimed at my mom and not me but that's when I really knew what it felt like to be her. To have him staring you down and just curse you out. I slammed my door shut and locked it. I could hear him yelling I'm sorry and my mom stood up and for the first time that night screamed her lungs out at him before going into their bedroom and shutting the door. It didn't even phase him, apparantly it was my fault for going out at the wrong time. Well. I sobbed on my bed for a good solid hour just getting my emotions out, they started up again a little while later and that's when I think I started calling out for Dana, but the new spurt ended quickly and the house was quiet around 11:15. They had gone to bed. I actually got my old baby blanket down from the closet and slept with that last night, just because I was scared, really scared. They were arguing worse than they had when I was in 7th grade, when mom was a hair width away from divorcing him before he swore off hard alcohol.
Well. This morning seems better, mom poured the last or his rum down the drain and he didn't complain about it. I think they reached some agreement or something. There were no apologies this time, I think that means that they're not trying to promise me that it won't happen again, but the air about them says they're going to try to keep it from happening again.
They love each other when he's sober, but I'm not so sure about when he's not.
Anyway. If you just read all of that I really love you, like woah I love you.
I think I just needed to get that off my chest.
Quizzy Swiped From Jon
Bold what applies.
My comments in italics because I'm too lazy to put them in red like I usually do.
I'm a nineties child.
I have had a VERY scary experience involving Santa.
I overuse smileys on AIM.
I can't stand when people overuse the words "like," "whatever," or "uh-huh," in conversation.
If I made my own food pyramid based on what I really eat, "fats, oils and sugars" would be the big box at the bottom.
I can speak at least two languages fluently.
Soda should never be diet.
I have an irrational fear of clowns.
If you had to choose a large group of people to complete annhialate, it would DEFINITELY be preps.
Fruit is nature's candy.
I am allergic to peanuts and/or latex.
I was born in a country outside of the US.
I have at least one friend named Jessica, David, AND Sarah.
I fall into obsessions easily...VERY easily.
Lefty and damn proud of it!
I am the most tech-challenged person I know.
I'm blonde on the outside, but not on the inside.
I'm blonde on the inside, but not on the outside.
I have real issues with bugs.
I have left the country. For all of five minutes.
ACHOO!! I have a cold.
I know at least 15 of my neighbors.
I know that I shouldn't, but I have, on more than one occasion, have been tempted to go porto-potty tipping.
I have cheated on at least 5 tests.
I'm scared of at least three teachers.
If I could be any bird, it would be a bird of prey. OSPREY!!
I find fist-fights very pointless. It's much more fun to beat people up with words anyway.
My middle school friends were completely forgotten when I went to high school.
Green Day is THE band.
I have seen "Avenue Q" more than once.
I think that preps are just football players in drag.
Vegetables are more than just a little scary.
I CANT STAND banner ads on websites.
I'm freezing my ass off.
I have no idea what a concourse is.
Video games are fuuuun.
I like it when people I don't know subscribe to my site. If A&MF was still afloat, I would have bolded this, but alas, she is dead.
I have become good friends with at least one person who I IMed when they didn't know my SN.
I'm friends with the person I like.
Jojo is scary. Very scary. Wait, the clown or the singer? Nevermind.
I have more bracelets than I have room on my arms... And I wear them all every single effing day.
I curse. A lot.
People have complained to me for my constant cursing.
I have at least two siblings.
I can't sing...but do anyways.
I'm the best dancer I know.
The person I like is older, but acts younger.
The person I like is younger, but acts older.
I have, on more than one occasion, laughed at the completely and totally innappropriate time AND have really really gotten in trouble for it.
One or more of my parents is a TERRIBLE driver. My mom's not allowed to back-up anymore.
I'm short.
I've been told that I'm geeky, but seriously couldn't care less.
Popularity is overrated.
I can't understand Matheletes.
I have more than three blogs on more than two sites.
I always freak out when the person I like IMs me.
I insult others well.
I have NETA.
I firmly believe that some people just act stupid so that I will mock them.
I can't stand internet slang.
I eat McDonalds for breakfast most of the times.
I'm obsessed about surveys.
Pink is a cool color.
I have an iPod.
I hate Pepsi.
I like rocks. OH EM GEE!! SHOEBOX REFERENCE!!
I am a genius. I'm smart but I wouldn't go far enough to call myself a genius. Maybe it's modesty maybe it's not.
I'm planning to call my friend right now. Or sooner.
I buy my shoes at Payless.
I still watch Looney Toons. Hell yeah.
Chocolate is good. Chocolate is like, life.
I have over 5 friends.
I dislike school. Dislike, but don't hate.
I think cats are better than dogs.
Dogs are the best. As much as I love cats, I just can't say no to my pup.
I like In-N-out burgers.
I like the month April. And not only because it's my birthday month.
My birthday is coming up.
I like to read.
I like uploading pictures.
I have a MySpace.
A computer is better than a radio. In all seriousness, I haven't listened to the radio of my own will for YEARS.
I have a pet. And I love them both dearly
I was born on the year 1991.
I wanna eat something.
I like video games.
I'm a total neat freak.
I like everyone.
Sometimes/Usually I think I'm ugly.
I'm hot. But by no means am I photogenic....
Green is the worst color.
I'm over 15 years old.
I will soon go shopping. My mom's insane, I think she wants to kill me with After-Thanksgiving Sales.
I love the person[s] that's reading my weblogs.
I think school is boring.
School's the best.
I hate bad grades in school.
I wouldn't be hating a person on the way he/she looks.
Britney Spears rocks.
This survey is boring. But it passes the time....
Tomorrow is Friday.
My teacher[s] is/are mean.
Xanga is the best.
I'm obsessed with LIPGLOSS.
I love to buy shoes.
This survey is long. Though I've done longer....
I am very smart.
I love fries.
I like the color red.
My B-day is in October.
Christmas is my favorite time of the year. February/March is my favorite time of the year.
I'm alergic to alot of things. I should edit that to say 'I am allergic to a lot of medicines.'
I live in an apartment.
I have siblings.
I am a female.
I have braces.
I like where I live. I like aspects of where I live.
I'm afraid of bugs.
I like summer.
Reading is my hobby.
I hate spiders.
I like Jessica Simpson.
I know how to play an instrument. Fear the viola!!
I am a cool person. By my standards, and some peoples.
I'm a bad singer.
I love cartoons.
I love everyone.
I am 10 years old.
I am addicted to junk food.
I have a cellphone.
I like going to the dentist.
I love to laugh.
I have been to Canada. Five minutes lost on a snow mobile. OH YEAH!
I have seen Gothika.
I am wearing Nail Polish.
I was born in March.
I am Gemini.
I like black. Such a crisp shade.
I share a room with someone.
I play basketball. Not on a team or anything, just with Juls.
I love to dance.
I like to sing.
My hairbrush is purple.
I love Ashton Kutcher.
I like popcorn.
I am a good singer.
I love to go to the movies.
I have a pool.
I have a hot tub.
I believe in love at first sight.
I love my life.
I have a crush.
I believe in Angels.
I am in love.
I graduate in the year 2007.
I love Cookies n' Cream ice cream. Butterscotch rules over your whimpy Cookies'n'Cream.
I love cupcakes.
I go to a camp every summer.
I named my cell phone. No, but I've named my iPod.
I love make-up.
I love eyeliner.
My hair is its natural color. I'm dying to dye it though.
I love going to the pool.
I love going to the beach.
I am a book worm.
I like school.
I am going to go to college.
I am addicted to AIM.
I watch Amazing Race.
My room is yellow.
I have a sister(s). And I miss her dearly.
I have a brother(s).
I wanna go to Antartica.
I love penguins.
My favorite color is pink.
I like skirts better then shorts.
I am in middle school.
I am in high school.
I have my own car.
I have my learners permit.
I love talking on the phone.
I like the name Melvin.
I don’t like Ashlee Simpson.
I like Ashlee Simpson.
I like roses.
I get bored easily.
I love watching TV.
I like nail polish. And if I wasn't so damned lazy I'd use it more often.
I like playing The Sims.
I like to work out.
I own binoculars.
My room looks like a tornado hit it.
When I was little I used to collect Beanie Babies.
When I was little I used to collect acorns.
I like the song “Hey Ya.”
I don’t believe in chain letters.
I like to rake leaves in the Fall. And then procede to jump in the piles.
I am a winter baby.
I wish I was older then I am now.
I eat squid. Fishing tradition.
I have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
I want a golf cart.
I like to play soccer.
I like to build igloos in the snow. Kelly and I built one that we actually tiled with ice once. Very cool.
I like Sugarcult.
I want a convertible.
I like to write poems.
I eat popcorn at the movies.
I go to the movies at least 2 times a week.
I dress up at Halloween.
I like the color gray. You know, gray isn't a color, it's a shade.
Social Studies, History, or World Cultures is my least favorite subject. Oh gods do I hate them with a passion.
I go to a private school.
I am a cheerleader.
I like Carebears. Mock me and die.
I sleep to 12 in the summer and on weekends.
I like Cameron Diaz.
I have seen the movie “8 Crazy Nights” at least 3 times.
My moms name is Patricia.
I am a SHOP-O-HOLIC.
I hate to read.
I like to wear black.
I love to skateboard.
I love to surf.
I rent movies all the time.
My favorite day of the week is Friday.
I have blonde hair.
I am a brunette.
I am boy crazy!
I have a hermit crab.
And, as reminded by Jon posting his, my grades for the quarter.
Overall GPA: 95.1111111....
Multimedia/Desktop Publishing- 91
English 10 Honors- 94
French III- 90
Math B Honors- 94
Orchestra- 100
Gym- 91
Chemistry- 96
AP World History- 89
Not entirely happy with the French, Math and Multimedia grades. I can pull better and probably would have if I hadn't missed those three days when I was sick and then only had like.... four days to make everything up before the quarter ended >_<
Very happy with the Chem one though.
~Nova-san
Turkey-Day Rant
I'm be blunt and straightforward- worst Thanksgiving EVER.
I have half a mind to poor my dad's rum down the drain, and I would if my mom hadn't beaten me to it. Wednesday night was horrid- cried myself to sleep for the first time in ages, and it's all his fault. My father has turned back into a drunkard and dear lord does this disappoint me. He PROMISED that he wouldn't take up hard alcohol again. And yes, I know he can't drink beer anymore because of his gout and that that's why he picked it up again. But he could at least have the decency to limit himself.
He's a god-damned asshole when he's drunk.
And you know what else, he's not my father when he's drunk. I refuse to recognise him as my father when he's drunk, because when he's drunk he's a completely different person.
THREE HOURS of belittling and verbally abusing my mom. You have no idea how much I respect her self control, how much I respect how she handles this. I don't know how she doesn't snap at him.
And they started arguing about me. Do you know how guilty that made me feel? To know that he'll still praise me when he's drunk but completely turns his back on my mother at the same time? And I know I should go into hysterics because they're having an argument, however heated it may be, but I can't help it. I know I'm sensitive, and my parents are constantly picking on me because of that- or at least my dad is. And the worst part is he doesn't even realize it's his fault, he doesn't realize that the reason I cry whenever someone's yelling at me, or yelling around me is his fault. Because when I was little I associated yelling with the possibility that my parents would get a divorce, with the prospect that my mom would hug me the next morning and say 'I'm sorry'. So it's imbedded in my psyche now.
Thursday came and I took a shower as soon as I woke up to alleviate the puffy I-was-crying-last-night eyes. The tension in the house was so thick it was affecting my breathing. Mom set me up helping her cook, she seemed in a good enough mood and so did my dad. They apologized, but the funny thing about apologizing is that it's suppose to mean it won't happen again. The day went on well enough until about 9:00 when my dad was drunk again. On Wednesday night he at least started with something that made sense, though granted he didn't end with it. Last night however he didn't, he just started up about how the pumpkin pie was too dark. I like it better dark. Anyway, around 10:00 I just got sick of him cursing out everything from the doctors to the attic ceiling and went out to tell them both that I was going to bed. He must have been in the middle of yelling at mom then because he didn't stop talking to her when he turned to me and just said 'Fuck you'. Now, I know it was aimed at my mom and not me but that's when I really knew what it felt like to be her. To have him staring you down and just curse you out. I slammed my door shut and locked it. I could hear him yelling I'm sorry and my mom stood up and for the first time that night screamed her lungs out at him before going into their bedroom and shutting the door. It didn't even phase him, apparantly it was my fault for going out at the wrong time. Well. I sobbed on my bed for a good solid hour just getting my emotions out, they started up again a little while later and that's when I think I started calling out for Dana, but the new spurt ended quickly and the house was quiet around 11:15. They had gone to bed. I actually got my old baby blanket down from the closet and slept with that last night, just because I was scared, really scared. They were arguing worse than they had when I was in 7th grade, when mom was a hair width away from divorcing him before he swore off hard alcohol.
Well. This morning seems better, mom poured the last or his rum down the drain and he didn't complain about it. I think they reached some agreement or something. There were no apologies this time, I think that means that they're not trying to promise me that it won't happen again, but the air about them says they're going to try to keep it from happening again.
They love each other when he's sober, but I'm not so sure about when he's not.
Anyway. If you just read all of that I really love you, like woah I love you.
I think I just needed to get that off my chest.
Quizzy Swiped From Jon
Bold what applies.
My comments in italics because I'm too lazy to put them in red like I usually do.
I'm a nineties child.
I have had a VERY scary experience involving Santa.
I overuse smileys on AIM.
I can't stand when people overuse the words "like," "whatever," or "uh-huh," in conversation.
If I made my own food pyramid based on what I really eat, "fats, oils and sugars" would be the big box at the bottom.
I can speak at least two languages fluently.
Soda should never be diet.
I have an irrational fear of clowns.
If you had to choose a large group of people to complete annhialate, it would DEFINITELY be preps.
Fruit is nature's candy.
I am allergic to peanuts and/or latex.
I was born in a country outside of the US.
I have at least one friend named Jessica, David, AND Sarah.
I fall into obsessions easily...VERY easily.
Lefty and damn proud of it!
I am the most tech-challenged person I know.
I'm blonde on the outside, but not on the inside.
I'm blonde on the inside, but not on the outside.
I have real issues with bugs.
I have left the country. For all of five minutes.
ACHOO!! I have a cold.
I know at least 15 of my neighbors.
I know that I shouldn't, but I have, on more than one occasion, have been tempted to go porto-potty tipping.
I have cheated on at least 5 tests.
I'm scared of at least three teachers.
If I could be any bird, it would be a bird of prey. OSPREY!!
I find fist-fights very pointless. It's much more fun to beat people up with words anyway.
My middle school friends were completely forgotten when I went to high school.
Green Day is THE band.
I have seen "Avenue Q" more than once.
I think that preps are just football players in drag.
Vegetables are more than just a little scary.
I CANT STAND banner ads on websites.
I'm freezing my ass off.
I have no idea what a concourse is.
Video games are fuuuun.
I like it when people I don't know subscribe to my site. If A&MF was still afloat, I would have bolded this, but alas, she is dead.
I have become good friends with at least one person who I IMed when they didn't know my SN.
I'm friends with the person I like.
Jojo is scary. Very scary. Wait, the clown or the singer? Nevermind.
I have more bracelets than I have room on my arms... And I wear them all every single effing day.
I curse. A lot.
People have complained to me for my constant cursing.
I have at least two siblings.
I can't sing...but do anyways.
I'm the best dancer I know.
The person I like is older, but acts younger.
The person I like is younger, but acts older.
I have, on more than one occasion, laughed at the completely and totally innappropriate time AND have really really gotten in trouble for it.
One or more of my parents is a TERRIBLE driver. My mom's not allowed to back-up anymore.
I'm short.
I've been told that I'm geeky, but seriously couldn't care less.
Popularity is overrated.
I can't understand Matheletes.
I have more than three blogs on more than two sites.
I always freak out when the person I like IMs me.
I insult others well.
I have NETA.
I firmly believe that some people just act stupid so that I will mock them.
I can't stand internet slang.
I eat McDonalds for breakfast most of the times.
I'm obsessed about surveys.
Pink is a cool color.
I have an iPod.
I hate Pepsi.
I like rocks. OH EM GEE!! SHOEBOX REFERENCE!!
I am a genius. I'm smart but I wouldn't go far enough to call myself a genius. Maybe it's modesty maybe it's not.
I'm planning to call my friend right now. Or sooner.
I buy my shoes at Payless.
I still watch Looney Toons. Hell yeah.
Chocolate is good. Chocolate is like, life.
I have over 5 friends.
I dislike school. Dislike, but don't hate.
I think cats are better than dogs.
Dogs are the best. As much as I love cats, I just can't say no to my pup.
I like In-N-out burgers.
I like the month April. And not only because it's my birthday month.
My birthday is coming up.
I like to read.
I like uploading pictures.
I have a MySpace.
A computer is better than a radio. In all seriousness, I haven't listened to the radio of my own will for YEARS.
I have a pet. And I love them both dearly
I was born on the year 1991.
I wanna eat something.
I like video games.
I'm a total neat freak.
I like everyone.
Sometimes/Usually I think I'm ugly.
I'm hot. But by no means am I photogenic....
Green is the worst color.
I'm over 15 years old.
I will soon go shopping. My mom's insane, I think she wants to kill me with After-Thanksgiving Sales.
I love the person[s] that's reading my weblogs.
I think school is boring.
School's the best.
I hate bad grades in school.
I wouldn't be hating a person on the way he/she looks.
Britney Spears rocks.
This survey is boring. But it passes the time....
Tomorrow is Friday.
My teacher[s] is/are mean.
Xanga is the best.
I'm obsessed with LIPGLOSS.
I love to buy shoes.
This survey is long. Though I've done longer....
I am very smart.
I love fries.
I like the color red.
My B-day is in October.
Christmas is my favorite time of the year. February/March is my favorite time of the year.
I'm alergic to alot of things. I should edit that to say 'I am allergic to a lot of medicines.'
I live in an apartment.
I have siblings.
I am a female.
I have braces.
I like where I live. I like aspects of where I live.
I'm afraid of bugs.
I like summer.
Reading is my hobby.
I hate spiders.
I like Jessica Simpson.
I know how to play an instrument. Fear the viola!!
I am a cool person. By my standards, and some peoples.
I'm a bad singer.
I love cartoons.
I love everyone.
I am 10 years old.
I am addicted to junk food.
I have a cellphone.
I like going to the dentist.
I love to laugh.
I have been to Canada. Five minutes lost on a snow mobile. OH YEAH!
I have seen Gothika.
I am wearing Nail Polish.
I was born in March.
I am Gemini.
I like black. Such a crisp shade.
I share a room with someone.
I play basketball. Not on a team or anything, just with Juls.
I love to dance.
I like to sing.
My hairbrush is purple.
I love Ashton Kutcher.
I like popcorn.
I am a good singer.
I love to go to the movies.
I have a pool.
I have a hot tub.
I believe in love at first sight.
I love my life.
I have a crush.
I believe in Angels.
I am in love.
I graduate in the year 2007.
I love Cookies n' Cream ice cream. Butterscotch rules over your whimpy Cookies'n'Cream.
I love cupcakes.
I go to a camp every summer.
I named my cell phone. No, but I've named my iPod.
I love make-up.
I love eyeliner.
My hair is its natural color. I'm dying to dye it though.
I love going to the pool.
I love going to the beach.
I am a book worm.
I like school.
I am going to go to college.
I am addicted to AIM.
I watch Amazing Race.
My room is yellow.
I have a sister(s). And I miss her dearly.
I have a brother(s).
I wanna go to Antartica.
I love penguins.
My favorite color is pink.
I like skirts better then shorts.
I am in middle school.
I am in high school.
I have my own car.
I have my learners permit.
I love talking on the phone.
I like the name Melvin.
I don’t like Ashlee Simpson.
I like Ashlee Simpson.
I like roses.
I get bored easily.
I love watching TV.
I like nail polish. And if I wasn't so damned lazy I'd use it more often.
I like playing The Sims.
I like to work out.
I own binoculars.
My room looks like a tornado hit it.
When I was little I used to collect Beanie Babies.
When I was little I used to collect acorns.
I like the song “Hey Ya.”
I don’t believe in chain letters.
I like to rake leaves in the Fall. And then procede to jump in the piles.
I am a winter baby.
I wish I was older then I am now.
I eat squid. Fishing tradition.
I have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
I want a golf cart.
I like to play soccer.
I like to build igloos in the snow. Kelly and I built one that we actually tiled with ice once. Very cool.
I like Sugarcult.
I want a convertible.
I like to write poems.
I eat popcorn at the movies.
I go to the movies at least 2 times a week.
I dress up at Halloween.
I like the color gray. You know, gray isn't a color, it's a shade.
Social Studies, History, or World Cultures is my least favorite subject. Oh gods do I hate them with a passion.
I go to a private school.
I am a cheerleader.
I like Carebears. Mock me and die.
I sleep to 12 in the summer and on weekends.
I like Cameron Diaz.
I have seen the movie “8 Crazy Nights” at least 3 times.
My moms name is Patricia.
I am a SHOP-O-HOLIC.
I hate to read.
I like to wear black.
I love to skateboard.
I love to surf.
I rent movies all the time.
My favorite day of the week is Friday.
I have blonde hair.
I am a brunette.
I am boy crazy!
I have a hermit crab.
And, as reminded by Jon posting his, my grades for the quarter.
Overall GPA: 95.1111111....
Multimedia/Desktop Publishing- 91
English 10 Honors- 94
French III- 90
Math B Honors- 94
Orchestra- 100
Gym- 91
Chemistry- 96
AP World History- 89
Not entirely happy with the French, Math and Multimedia grades. I can pull better and probably would have if I hadn't missed those three days when I was sick and then only had like.... four days to make everything up before the quarter ended >_<
Very happy with the Chem one though.
~Nova-san