Rocket Men - Chapter 3
<< Chapter 2
Progress - Russian spacecraft designed to deliver supplies into orbit. It was used both for the Russian space station MIR and later the International Space Station. Derived from the Soyuz transportation system, it is launched into space by the Soyuz rocket. It can be entered by astronauts when docked to a space station and, after unloaded, is loaded up with trash and other items the crew doesn't need any more. It is then undocked and burns out upon re-entering the earth's atmosphere.
***
A week after returning home, Jensen finds an e-mail in his inbox when he opens his laptop after work.
From: jared.padalecki@nasa.org
To: j.ackles@gmail.com
Hey Jensen,
we realized that we've been saving up all the omelet food bags today, since they were your favorites. Then we realized that we could eat them at will now, so we all had like two packages for breakfast each. In fact, I had three.
If we had gravity up here, I would've been able to roll from Zarya to here.
Hope you settled in at home. Enjoy gravity. And real omelets.
- J.
Jensen snorts out a laugh. He clicks the answer button and writes “Hey Jared,” but then the cursor stops and blinks at him.
He can't think of a single thing to say. He feels bad bragging about normal, non-dehydrated food. He feels too adult to write a simple 'LOL' back. Mostly, he's too unsure on where Jared and he stand.
Not even settling in is something to write about. His house doesn't feel homey any more, for whatever reason. His dog left with Monica. The place is too big, his parents live a couple hours away, so he's mostly alone. And the bed is stuffy with the thick duvet Monica had wanted and Jensen had kept. He doesn't like it any more. He doesn't even like the cream color of the couch, even though they both had decided on that one back in the day.
Jensen thinks of Jared's smirky little face while typing up this e-mail and feels his heart ache for him. Those feelings are pushed aside quickly and more easily than Jensen thought, but a lot more painful than expected.
Then, the doorbell rings, and Jensen leaves to open the door to his neighbor, Mrs. Potter - first name not Lily, but Josephine - to take a package she had accepted for him. It contains a couple DVDs, movies they've watched on the station during movie nights. Over unpacking and sorting the DVDs onto his shelf, Jensen completely forgets the e-mail.
He manages to forget it until the next Friday, when there's another one from Jared.
From: jared.padalecki@nasa.org
To: j.ackles@gmail.com
Hey Jensen,
Gen and I invented Skittleball today. It's basically a game of who can catch most of three Skittles thrown in short succession from Unity to Kibo.
She kicked my ass and is now the reigning champion on the ISS. An ego and a smirk double her own size, let me tell ya.
I feel sick, might be because I ate too many Skittles. Training, you know?
Jones told me the other day that you're fine and back at work and busy evaluating our experiments. Good luck!
- J.
PS: You don't need to answer these. I just enjoy writing them.
Jensen has no idea what to answer either.
Over the next weeks, Jared keeps him updated with short messages from the station, containing anecdotes and dumb jokes and some probably classified data about experiments. There's an e-mail every Friday, and Jensen finds himself bouncing with excitement wherever one is sitting in his inbox.
Thanksgiving is the first time that Jared does write to Jensen out of order.
The e-mail doesn't have a greeting or an end, but it's enough to make Jensen stare at his phone for a few gut-wrenching seconds after dinner at his parents' place. He takes a deep, shuddering breath before he reads the words again.
From: jared.padalecki@nasa.org
To: j.ackles@gmail.com
I miss you. And I'm wondering if you read these at all.
To unsubscribe to this newsletter, answer to this message with the following keyword: “Not interested.”
Jensen never answers to the e-mail. So the updates keep coming.
On Christmas, there's another message out of order.
From: jared.padalecki@nasa.org
To: j.ackles@gmail.com
Will I ever see you again?
'Yes!' Jensen wants to yell, but by now, answering feels stupid. He's left Jared hanging for so long that it seems dishonest to write now.
Once again, he's at his parents' place for the holidays, since there's no point in celebrating in his empty, too silent house. He'd rather go back to being treated like a teenager.
“Honey, what's wrong?” his mom asks from the doorway to the living room, where Jensen sits on the sofa.
Jensen wordlessly raises his cell phone as an explanation.
“Someone wrote you?” she guesses with a frown.
“Yeah.”
And Donna Ackles wouldn't be his mom if she didn't notice when one of her kids needed help.
So she sits down beside him and curls her arm around his shoulders. “Tell me what's wrong.”
And Jensen wouldn't be her son if he didn't know that resistance was futile. “I met somebody. At work.”
“Oh,” she sighs, clearly not thrilled. “Again?”
“Yeah. So I have no idea what to do about it.”
“After last time-“ she breaks off, shoots Jensen a worried look.
Jensen just nods. “I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. But I'm too deep into this as it is.”
“You're in love,” Donna states, although there's a question in there somewhere.
Jensen hesitates. For a second, he thinks about it, but there's no point in lying to himself or his mom. “Yes, I am. So what do I do?”
“Make a choice. Either try this again with all the risks involved,” she tilts her head in consideration, skeptical. “Or you set your priorities and stick to them.”
“Meaning?”
“Your job at NASA or a relationship. Decide on one, go through with it, and never look back.”
Jensen bites down on his bottom lip and stares into space for a few seconds. “Thanks, mom. I'll think about it.”
She pats his back in support. “You'll make the right decision, I'm sure. Just follow your heart.”
Jensen smiles, and he's aware it's a bit self-depreciating.
“And tell Jared Happy Holidays from us,” she adds with a wink at Jensen's phone.
“How did you know it was Jared?” Jensen splutters in shock.
“Well, you were very close friends with him up in space, weren't you? You did all those lovely videos,” Donna seems irritated. “I was sure you'd have his e-mail.”
“I have, but I--” Jensen accesses her. “Oh, you meant just because I- oh.”
“Why, is there something else concerning Jared?”
Jensen opens his mouth to answer, but he's out of anything to say, so he averts his eyes.
“Wait, did you mean that I knew-- are you in love with Jared?” Donna asks.
Jensen's defeated, crestfallen look must give it all away.
“Oh, baby,” Donna says and runs her hand through his hair just like she did the first time Jensen had his heart broken by a boy. Jensen remembers having felt too old to be called that back in college, but now, it's all the comfort he needs. “How does he feel about you?” she wants to know.
“The same way,” Jensen confesses, and feels his heart swell at the knowledge that yes, Jared feels just as attracted to him as Jensen feels towards him. “But I was the one who messed it up before I left.”
“Then fix it, if he's worth it,” Donna advises.
***
From: jared.padalecki@nasa.org
To: j.ackles@gmail.com
Hey Jensen,
you're probably watching the ball drop right now, so I won't keep you from that for too long.
Happy New Year!
- J.
P. S.: I wish I had a certain someone to kiss at midnight.
***
From: jared.padalecki@nasa.org
To: j.ackles@gmail.com
Hey Jensen,
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I've set up the last experiments of my mission today. In two weeks, it's go time.
Gen keeps teasing me about you, because I'm always bursting out with stupid thoughts about things you would've done differently or commented on in whatever way. I really do miss you a lot as a friend. Even more so as more than that.
Sometimes I find myself thinking that these e-mails are a waste of time and I shouldn't still hold onto you when you made it so abundantly clear that you don't want me in your life like that.
And then I'm thinking that I'm maybe brightening your Fridays with these messages. Maybe you read all of these and collect them, printed out, under your pillow, like the hopeless romantic high school kid you are on the inside. ;)
Anyway, T-minus two weeks. Two more messages. For what it's worth, I'll finish this.
Just hoping you're thinking about little old me up here the way I can't stop thinking about you down there.
- J.
***
Jensen is so busy that he barely has time to rest after work. After the message that makes him get sloppy drunk with Mike like he's in his early twenties again - and thank god that Mike will never be that mature, either, except for the fact that the fucker becomes a wannabe philosopher when he's wasted - there's another short one, like Jared doesn't know what to say any more.
And okay, the message the week before wasn't the whole reason for Jensen getting drunk. He meant to celebrate, after all. He had a reason to celebrate.
That he got to a point where he poured his heart out to Mike of all people had only to do with the amount of alcohol Mike kept bringing to their table.
“But what's stopping you now?” he had asked, in the end. “You got a new job. Which, for the third time, congratulations. Great gig you scored there. No more internal work relationship.”
“What if he doesn't want me anymore?” Jensen had stared into his beer. They were on their third pitcher, because when Mike had a night out without his husband, he went big or he went home. Mostly both, the latter very late.
“Dude, he wrote you like, every week for the past three, almost four months. I dare say he's smitten with you.”
“And what if I gave up my job for nothing? What if this all will fuck up my life?”
“You should've thought of that before you quit NASA and transferred to the space education center,” Mike raised an eyebrow. “Still, the teaching job will be just the change you need after all of this. No matter how it ends. Trust me on this, Jenny. You did this because you thought Jared was worth it, and that was while sober. Now you're just drunk rambling.”
Jensen rolled his eyes. “How did you know Tom was the right one?”
“Derailing the topic, nice, Ackles,” Mike grinned. “Honestly, though? The second he met my family.”
“Okay. How?” Jensen asked.
“He immediately got along great with my parents. And he was incredible with my nephew, and then it just went - 'click' in my head, like, this is the man I want to marry and spend my life with and have his babies and whatnot. That we shared this, both wanted to have a family, that established a bond that nothing could change.”
Jensen remembered the hour-long conversations from the space station with his parents, with Jared butting in every five minutes and eventually just staying to chat. They loved him at first sight.
Mike was smiling to himself as he spun his wedding ring over his left ring finger.
Jensen had decided on the Rosenbaum principle right then and there. Go big or go home.
***
From: jared.padalecki@nasa.org
To: j.ackles@gmail.com
Hey Jensen,
so, this is it. My last e-mail from space. It's time to say goodbye tomorrow. I wish I was back home already.
Wish me luck.
- J.
Jensen takes a deep breath as he finishes reading the message that just arrived the second he opened his inbox. Jared sent it only a couple minutes ago, as per its timestamp.
Now or never.
From: j.ackles@gmail.com
To: jared.padalecki@nasa.org
Hey Jared,
godspeed and good luck! I'll see you when you get there.
- Jensen
He turns off his laptop, then, because he can't stare at the open browser tab, waiting for an answer. It'd kill him.
***
Jensen can't follow the landing of the Soyuz capsule that brings Jared back home, because it's his first day at his new job and he's way too nervous because of that.
Jared will be checked by a NASA doctor anyway and won't be released until about a week after landing, when he's used to gravity and walking again.
It doesn't stop Jensen from reading up the news online, scrolling through picture sets of the search and rescue team heaving the astronauts out of the capsule that made a perfect landing in the Kazakh steppe. Jared looks good, his hair having grown out a lot longer, gathered in a ponytail, and grinning into the camera as he's held up in a stretcher.
The article says they're recovering fast, Jared already having picked up walking after landing, which is good. Jensen had tried to do the same and had failed, but it was common knowledge that the ones who walked again soon recovered faster.
There's a few days of silence between them, until there's another e-mail.
From: jarpad@hotmail.com
To: j.ackles@gmail.com
Hey Jensen,
I was surprised to hear you quit NASA. And by surprised I mean flabbergasted.
Any chance there's a meeting with coffee and an explanation like, at least a little bit possible?
- J.
From: j.ackles@gmail.com
To: jarpad@hotmail.com
Hi Jared,
how does Saturday at 3 p.m. at Louis' suit you?
- Jensen
From: jarpad@hotmail.com
To: j.ackles@gmail.com
It's a date. ;)
***
Jensen sees him standing in front of Louis' coffee shop a mile away, and his heart makes a leap in his chest.
He's so nervous he's shaking.
Jared looks over when Jensen still has to walk a couple yards and doesn't take his eyes off him until Jensen is standing right in front of him. His breath is hitching at Jared's smile, and he's ready to jump out of his skin.
“Hey Jen,” Jared says. It's quiet and affectionate, and it makes Jensen's worries seem unreasonable.
“Hi,” Jensen answers.
For a second, it's awkward between them, neither of them knowing how to react or how to handle the situation.
In the end, Jared takes a step forward and wraps his arms around Jensen, holds him close and doesn't let him go for almost too long.
“I never noticed you have bowlegs,” Jared chuckles into his ear.
Jensen laughs. “I do have a pretty bad set of Texas bowlegs, yes.”
“How are you?” Jared asks when he pulls back.
“Fine,” Jensen grins, and the shift of Jared's eyes to his lips makes a shiver run down his spine. He wants to kiss Jared, God, he wants it so much, but this is not the time or place. Instead of giving in, Jensen retreats and checks out the coffee shop, which isn't very crowded. “You?”
“Better, now that I can walk again,” Jared winks and somehow makes it sound dirty.
Jensen feels heat spread on his cheeks. “C'mon, let's find ourselves a table.”
As soon as they're seated and have a cup of coffee - in Jensen's case - and a frilly high glass of latte macchiato with lots of cream and sugar and fucking sprinkles in Jared's case - Jensen doesn't feel like beating around the bush. He's waited and wasted three months to say this.
“There are a couple of things I wanted to tell you,” Jensen starts, looking Jared straight in the eye. He's indeed taller in person, and Jensen can't say he didn't check him out now that he sees him up and walking. Despite months in space, he's kept his slim, muscular figure, although it's hidden under a comfy looking white shirt and a dark blue scarf haphazardly thrown around his neck.
“Shoot,” Jared nods.
“Why I quit NASA, that's a long story. Back when I was considered a candidate to fly to the ISS, there was the retreat.” Jensen stops, waits for Jared.
“The week-long camp to sort out the candidates,” Jared nods.
“Yeah. There were twenty of us, Jones as the boss, his assistant for organizational stuff, a couple others from the upper ranks, and fourteen for consideration. You know how the thing works, you're cooped up with each other for the week, and you spend too much time with each other. I met Mark back then, by the way. And Monica, my ex.”
“Monica Roth, Jones' assistant?” Jared asks in surprise.
“Yeah,” Jensen confirms.
“You dated the boss' secretary?” Jared chuckles.
“Yes, is it that ridiculous?” Jensen smiles back and takes a sip from his coffee.
“Nah, I can see why she fell for you,” Jared winks again and manages to make Jensen all flustered. Again.
“Anyway,” he coughs. “We were hanging out all week, and by the end of it, we were dating. It was all clichéd, you know. Meeting someone at work, impressed by their competence and all. In hindsight, it was nothing but cabin fever.”
Jared lifts his chin with a look of realization. “That's why you--”
Jensen nods. “I didn't know it back then. The trouble started when we were already living together and I was selected for the mission. We were used to people talking about us at work, but Monica soon became more resentful with every day approaching my launch into space. She got bitter, and when we fought, even about the stupidest little things, she got cruel. Like, accusing me of only being with her because she got me closer to Jones, so Jones would pick me for the space program.”
“No way,” Jared frowns. “Really? Wow, that's just... wow. Low blow.”
“And at first I thought she just threw it in to hurt me or because she was impulsive, but after a while those accusations became more and more. It wasn't until two months before I would go to the ISS that I realized she wanted me to not go. She had huge problems with her ego and self-confidence issues, and she resented being with someone who had more success than her.”
Jared just raises an eyebrow.
Jensen shrugs. “So I finally did what I should've done in the first place and broke up with her. And it got ugly, believe me. She told lies, confirmed all the rumors they'd spread concerning me and my relationship with her. The only one who didn't believe her was Jones, thank God, because he knew why he picked me.”
“Well,” Jared says when Jensen stays silent for a few moments. “I can see why you didn't want a repetition of that.”
Jensen nods.
“I can also assure you that I wouldn't ever do that,” Jared hurries to say, then follows it up with an apologetic smile. “If you still consider, you know, this.”
“Point is, Jay, I had to make a decision. It was my job at NASA, which was kind of done after the mission and the evaluation of the experiments, anyway. So I quit my job and got into teaching at the space education center,” Jensen smiles and takes a sip of his coffee. “As my mother decided to call it, I sorted out my priorities.”
“But you loved NASA.”
“Yeah.”
For a while, Jared keeps his eyes on him while his smile slowly stretches into a blinding grin. “I see.”
It's a quiet moment between them, the coffee shop bustling in the background, machines whirring, customers chatting, the smell of fresh dark roast in the air. Jensen takes it all in, smiles at Jared and waits for his reaction.
Jared sits there with his glass of latte macchiato half-empty in his left hand, his right hand curled under his chin.
He suddenly lets go of the glass to reach out for Jensen's hand lying on the table in front of him, but he never gets that far. The glass falls down onto the table and spills all over the polished wood.
“Oh shit,” Jared curses and jumps to his feet.
Jensen is a bit slower than him and gets hot coffee all over his crotch.
“Fuck!” he curses out, then stands next to Jared, dabbing at his crotch with a napkin.
“I'm so sorry,” Jared apologizes both to Jensen and the waitress hurrying towards them. “I didn't mean to, and I can pay for--”
“It's alright,” she reassures him with a smile. “I can handle it, don't worry,” she adds when he goes to help her.
Jared is so red in the face that Jensen can't keep in his laughter as soon as the waitress cleared their table and heads off to bring Jared another cup of coffee with a generous tip paid up front.
Still standing beside the ruined table, Jensen throws his head back and just laughs like he hasn't in all the months since he returned to earth.
“Forgot how gravity works, huh?” he teases Jared with a nudge into his ribs.
Jared becomes even redder and bites his lip.
“Man, I bought a new set of dishes recently because I smashed so many,” Jensen chuckles. “I still drop pens because I forget they don't float in mid-air.”
Jared huffs out a harsh laugh at that and turns to Jensen. “But this was... this was supposed to be our first date, Jensen. It was supposed to be perfect and I wanted to tell you how much I missed you and why I still want this and you were supposed to be all sappy and falling into my arms and now... it's all ruined.”
Jensen takes in his crestfallen posture and decides someone as happy and energetic as Jared should never look like this. “Hey,” he says and reaches out to tilt up Jared's chin, make him look at him. “It's far from ruined. It's perfect.”
With that, Jensen kisses Jared, right there in the middle of the coffee shop. It's just a short kiss, because Jensen has never been into public displays of affection, but it's perfect.
Jensen sits down afterwards and finishes his coffee. Their waitress returns with a new latte macchiato for Jared and Jensen orders another cup.
“You quit your job for me,” Jared states like he just realized the magnitude of this.
“After I had the teaching job in my pocket,” Jensen shrugs, then smiles. “'Sides, you're worth it.”
Jared shakes his head and looks out the window.
Jensen can't stop looking at him. His slanted, hazel eyes, the fine curve of his mouth, the stubble on his cheeks.
When Jared turns to lock eyes with him, Jensen is hit by an overwhelming wave of feelings.
No one would understood what just happened, not on the level that Jensen has. What they've experienced together up on the ISS is something no one would ever be able to take away from them. Plus, Jensen could look at Jared all day every day and still find new and interesting quirks about him.
This time, Jared sets down his beverage before he reaches out for Jensen's hand.
When his fingers curl around Jensen's, it's like electricity running over his skin where it touches Jared's. It's like the proverbial click that Mike was talking about, because Jensen can feel it right then and there.
This is it, Jared is it.
“I know I never told you and I never answered your e-mails because I couldn't think of anything appropriate to write,” Jensen squeezes Jared's hand. “But I missed you, too. Swear to god, I missed you like a limb.”
“Yeah,” Jared nods. “I know how that feels.”
“So, uh. We still on the same page with this?” Jensen asks and feels like he's back in high school, what with his heart beating too fast and his hand shaking in Jared's hand.
Jared's smile turns teasing. “I don't know, are we?”
“Well, I don't know where you are,” Jensen smirks, tilting his head to the side. “But I'd really like to pick up where we left off. You know, before I ruined it.”
“Good,” Jared says with his eyes sparkling in amusement. “Me too. Might be because I'm still a little bit in love with you. Don't tell anyone.”
“I won't if you don't,” Jensen replies.
With a grin, Jared leans over the table and kisses Jensen, and it is, indeed, perfect.
THE END
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