(no subject)
i cant figure it out. i feel like i cant make robert understand something. i cant get him to see what im trying to tell him. well its more like i cant make it come out. we got in a fight lastnight. it wasnt very good but things are better now. i heard a few things i needed to hear. its just shitty. i count the days til i get to see him again. right now its not so tuff because its only 4 days away. but after that who knows went. hes comign here in may for sure. which is like 3 months away. i cant handle the month its been since i saw him last. i think hes haveing a worse time about it. hes scared. doesnt want to leave his friends but wants to leave everything else. im not giving up anyuthing. and worst of all he feels like hes growing up. i hate that. and on top of all that i cant get enough of him. and thats causeing a huge issue. i hate thinking he doesnt want to talk to me. or that he wouldnt call me if i didnt call him.
fuck i hate all of this. im not good at long Distence. im not good at it at all. i dont really know how it works. before this all started i was very firm that i didnt want a long distence thing any more. but then he came and i fell in love. so what am i supose to do now? i wish there was a way i could get him to come sooner. ive tryed and it gets to him to much so i havnt said anything to him in a while. he hates everything there and he wants out. the only thing thats keeping himthere is his lease. hes already been told that he cant get out of his lease. maybe thats not the only thing keeping him there. i dont fucking know anymore. and i feel like i have to be emotionally detached from him. i already cant tell him how i feel about a lot of things. and i hate that. i get really fucked up if i cant tell him how i feel.
i just feel like this aweful aweful person, that totally fucked up his life.
i cant handle this anymore.
fuck i hate all of this. im not good at long Distence. im not good at it at all. i dont really know how it works. before this all started i was very firm that i didnt want a long distence thing any more. but then he came and i fell in love. so what am i supose to do now? i wish there was a way i could get him to come sooner. ive tryed and it gets to him to much so i havnt said anything to him in a while. he hates everything there and he wants out. the only thing thats keeping himthere is his lease. hes already been told that he cant get out of his lease. maybe thats not the only thing keeping him there. i dont fucking know anymore. and i feel like i have to be emotionally detached from him. i already cant tell him how i feel about a lot of things. and i hate that. i get really fucked up if i cant tell him how i feel.
i just feel like this aweful aweful person, that totally fucked up his life.
i cant handle this anymore.