'cause i'm all fucked up
It is strange, letting go of people. I've done it my whole life, without much thought. I let go of friends I was very close with in elementary school when we went to middle school. We just moved apart and neither felt the need to pretend to be horribly upset over it. It was sort of a nice unspoken agreement of "We had good times, but they're over. Thanks." Doesn't matter anymore. And I've pushed people out of my life because they were not needed anymore, because they were having negative affects on me. No problem. Moved on quickly.
But now I can't seem to do that anymore. It seems like there are people I need to move away from, and I can't. Because I felt like I was a part of their life for a while and now I'm suddenly not? Because neither of us make an effort? Even if there are things about them that bother me now, things that make me feel like "why would I want to hang out with them anymore anyway?", I just don't know.
^Main reason why I should do therapy again. Really. I just honestly don't have time. Not enough energy to make the time.
I hate secrets and I hate gossip. And I hate not knowing things about myself. Love is easy, you don't have to know why you love someone. But hate. I can't live with not knowing. And I don't really hate anyone, but when you piss me off constantly, it's easier just to call it that.
But now I can't seem to do that anymore. It seems like there are people I need to move away from, and I can't. Because I felt like I was a part of their life for a while and now I'm suddenly not? Because neither of us make an effort? Even if there are things about them that bother me now, things that make me feel like "why would I want to hang out with them anymore anyway?", I just don't know.
^Main reason why I should do therapy again. Really. I just honestly don't have time. Not enough energy to make the time.
I hate secrets and I hate gossip. And I hate not knowing things about myself. Love is easy, you don't have to know why you love someone. But hate. I can't live with not knowing. And I don't really hate anyone, but when you piss me off constantly, it's easier just to call it that.