how much can a guy take
so...school starts monday haha really sucks but oh well.
in other news...i'm wondering how much more i can take. I know this prolly won't make sense but i've accepted the fact that i'll prolly never have you to myself. I know i fucked up and didn't go to sandalwood like i was sposed to. But how much is a guy supposed to take before he breaks down? I know that no matter what i would support you as much as i can, and it doesn't matter how much it hurts me on the inside. As much pain as i felt knowing that you had feelings for someone else...none of that mattered to me. That's because i want to see you happy. No matter how hurt i am in the end, how much of myself i put to the side. Yet at the same time...i can't help but think about how much i want to be with you...how much i wanted to be danny (minus the jerk part) or any of the other guys that you've liked since we split up. Its like being a starting football player sitting on the bench with an injury, you know you're not getting back into the game, but still you hope for a miracle.
What i would do to be with you...i would give up a lot but...i dunno how or where to start explaing that. As i said before u really have no clue what i would do for you, and i suppose just for saying that you're prolly gonna push me now lol but its ok. I wish there was a way to show you...to show how much i care. To show how much i love you and want to be with you. I still don't understand myself why i still like you as much as i do now, as i have since way the hell back in the day. Sadly i'm just left with memories and dreams. Memories of kisses in the movies, the weekend after my birthday before 9th grade...the heartbreak of when danny came into your life. The regret of not going to sandalwood. The nights i wanted to end it all because i didn't think the pain could get any worse. The same nights that i cried myself to sleep. And the dreams that i have of you, which i wish i never had to wake up from. Because in that sub-consciousness state of mine i feel a litter better about life when your with me in my dreams. Those are the moments i wish i could share with you forever. But in reality...my chances are being with you are slim to none, but something inside keeps me hoping, wishing that we could be together.
in other news...i'm wondering how much more i can take. I know this prolly won't make sense but i've accepted the fact that i'll prolly never have you to myself. I know i fucked up and didn't go to sandalwood like i was sposed to. But how much is a guy supposed to take before he breaks down? I know that no matter what i would support you as much as i can, and it doesn't matter how much it hurts me on the inside. As much pain as i felt knowing that you had feelings for someone else...none of that mattered to me. That's because i want to see you happy. No matter how hurt i am in the end, how much of myself i put to the side. Yet at the same time...i can't help but think about how much i want to be with you...how much i wanted to be danny (minus the jerk part) or any of the other guys that you've liked since we split up. Its like being a starting football player sitting on the bench with an injury, you know you're not getting back into the game, but still you hope for a miracle.
What i would do to be with you...i would give up a lot but...i dunno how or where to start explaing that. As i said before u really have no clue what i would do for you, and i suppose just for saying that you're prolly gonna push me now lol but its ok. I wish there was a way to show you...to show how much i care. To show how much i love you and want to be with you. I still don't understand myself why i still like you as much as i do now, as i have since way the hell back in the day. Sadly i'm just left with memories and dreams. Memories of kisses in the movies, the weekend after my birthday before 9th grade...the heartbreak of when danny came into your life. The regret of not going to sandalwood. The nights i wanted to end it all because i didn't think the pain could get any worse. The same nights that i cried myself to sleep. And the dreams that i have of you, which i wish i never had to wake up from. Because in that sub-consciousness state of mine i feel a litter better about life when your with me in my dreams. Those are the moments i wish i could share with you forever. But in reality...my chances are being with you are slim to none, but something inside keeps me hoping, wishing that we could be together.