keep going
I would like to stop feeling sad. Then I'm angry with myself for feeling sad, its over a stupid thing really I lost my job, so what? but I can see know that I really connect myself to my occupation. first, I need to work-that part is fairly easy...I could remedy this by doing what I've always done and go out and get a job, any job....just bag groceries, fold t-shirts, dig holes, nod and smile and mean nothing, be empty, punch the clock, turn off my brain.
But I want it to have meaning. This is the first time I haven't just rushed out and grabbed the first thing I could.
But I feel bad for wanting more, " you haven't earned it" my mind whispers. WHY NOT? I ask.
is passion not enough? I don't know exactly how to categorize what I want....I just want to help people. that could mean a lot of things....it could be in a small way. I want to work for/with people who are PEOPLE and who treat me as an equal. I want to thrive not simply survive.
I can't seem to find it, and I'm slipping, slipping, and hiding.
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