You Can't Keep Me Away Baby...
Yeah, I am back, but before you are like "Oh this time..." Believe me, a lot of things have changed me... The pandemic and being home more often than I would have liked to have been really got me to think a lot about my thoughts and actions... I have not been my best, but I can't blame my parents for my life, I have to blame myself. I had NOT been using social media wisely for years, such as making fun of workers, making fun of myself, and just being so negative because I wasn't the prettiest, smartestst or whateverest girl in the room. I am NOT and really, honestly that is okay. I don't need that approval. Someone put it so eloquently that the people who love me love me for me and not that I don't look like a supermodel... The nail finally hit the head. I have an amazing boss who really touts me so much I am embarrassed, and he doesn't look down on me (well he can't because he is like five feet tall haha), but he is a great boss who has never looked down on me... I have good friends, ones that fucking CALL me on shit that needs to be called out on... Sadly, a former friend was a little too soft hearted to do that... I got called out hard by a really good friend and yeah the way I carried on about things really was not too cool and it had to stop. I don't like to lose good friends. I honestly don't.
I lashed out at someone on here who I shouldn't but at the time I had so much hate in my heart. I was angry because the pretty girl in the office got all the attention and hey,. the world loves a pretty girl and that is okay. She could do the job better than me a week into it for her. Well she was a business major and I can run an election and talk about voting like a mofo, but budgets and things like that just ain't me. Yeah, I will talk about that job later, but when I was let go it was fucking freeing. I also was quite rude and dismissive to someone on here that I really looked like an asshole...
I don't know if it's because I didn't have a lot to do over the summer, so I just hung out with friends and did me. It was nice to be with friends who don't complain that they were fat, and we are all little on the heavy side and they made me realize it's okay. I am amazing regardless. As much as I love my former friend and she is gorgeous but her self hate triggered me a lot, and HONESTLY I had to work on that A LOT. I also talked about myself A LOT and you know that really isn't too cool, and the crushes on men who were really not available when I have one right here that loves me and adores me (and love is not all moonlight and canoes).
Yeah, I got schooled on some chit, but it HAD to be done...