Fic: Raising The Sound (The West Wing, 1/1)
Title: Raising The Sound
Spoilers: “Noel”
Characters: Donna, Josh; also some Sam, Leo, and Margaret.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: “Donna's going to take you to the emergency room.” “She knows?” “She was the one who guessed.”
Disclaimer: I don't own this show or these characters.
Author's Note: I wanted a Donna POV fic from this episode, so I decided to go ahead and write one.
Thanks to hazel_eyes_86 for her beta!
~
“Josh, what happened?”
Josh looks up at her blankly. “What?”
Donna points at his bandage-wrapped hand, where it's resting on his desk in front of him. “Your hand, Josh. What happened to it?”
“Oh.” Josh looks at the bandages, and for a second Donna could swear it seems like he doesn't know the answer to her question. But then he tells her, “I, uh, I accidentally broke a glass setting it down last night. I cut my hand on the shards. It's not a big deal.” He only meets her eyes for a second before looking down at the papers on his desk.
Donna's heart sinks. She knows he was lying just then - and it seems like he might even have been lying to himself. She's still not sure exactly what's going on with Josh, but she knows this is a significant, serious development. It can't be a coincidence that he came to work with a bandaged hand the day after the Christmas party, after the way he had fallen apart by the end of the first piece. Donna wishes now, as she did then, that he would be willing to talk to her. But all she does is say, “Okay. Here's the Allred file. Did you need anything else?”
“No, thanks.” Josh takes it and immediately starts reading. Donna thinks about asking him about the meeting with ATVA that he has scheduled for tomorrow, but she decides against it. He'd been uncomfortable enough acknowledging the fact that she and Sam and Toby and CJ and the others had already been talking with ATVA these past few days. Instead, she makes a mental note to be sure she stays as late as she needs to tomorrow, in case Josh's meeting runs long. She has a feeling it might.
Donna can't help being distracted as the day continues. Josh is obviously still on edge whenever she interacts with him, and whenever she witnesses him interacting with anyone else. Sam is the first one to ask her, in a low voice, if she knows what happened to Josh's hand. She repeats the story Josh told her, and Sam raises his eyebrows. “That's what he told me, too. But...”
“It doesn't seem like a very likely story, does it?” Donna finishes with a sad smile, seeing her concern reflected in Sam's eyes.
“No, it doesn't,” Sam agrees. He sighs, then thanks her and heads back to his office.
She has similar conversations with CJ, and then Toby, and then it's time for lunch. In the middle of her salad, a possible real explanation for what happened to Josh's hand occurs to her - and Donna can barely swallow the bite of food in her mouth. She really doesn't want it to be true … but she is terribly afraid it might be.
Tossing the rest of her salad in the trash, Donna hurries to Margaret who is at her desk. Donna asks her if Leo has a moment to talk to her about Josh. Something in her face must convince Margaret that this is important, because she goes into Leo's office right away. She doesn't come out for about a minute, but then she opens the door and says, “Okay, go ahead and go in.”
“Thanks, Margaret,” Donna says. She manages a smile for the other woman before she closes the door to the office behind her.
“What is it, Donna?” Leo asks quietly. “You said it was something to do with Josh.”
“Yeah.” Donna does her best to hold back threatening tears. “He came in this morning with a bandage on his right hand. He told me he hurt himself accidentally when he broke a glass last night, but I don't think...” She has to take a breath, and has to look down. “I don't think it was an accident.”
Leo exhales slowly. “You think Josh hurt himself on purpose.”
Nodding, Donna says, “I think so. It makes more sense than the story he told me. I mean, of course it doesn't make sense at all. None of this makes sense, but--”
“I know what you mean, Donna,” Leo interrupts her gently. He stands up and starts to pace, looking thoughtful and concerned. “Okay. His meeting with ATVA isn't until tomorrow, and I don't think we can reschedule it for today, since half of the day is gone already. And based on how he's been acting, I don't think he's going to tell us what really happened until he talks to ATVA.”
Donna knows his comment about the day already being half-gone wasn't intended as a criticism of how long it took her to figure this out, but it still stings. She pushes past it to the more important issue. “Okay, but is he going to be all right until then? His hand...”
“Well, I'm not a doctor,” Leo says, frowning, “but I'm guessing if the bandage is at least stopping the bleeding, he'll be all right for a little while longer. We can get him to the doctor as soon as he's done tomorrow. But you keep a close eye on him in case that changes, all right?”
“I will,” Donna promises. She tries to calm herself by considering Leo's practical, straightforward attitude toward the whole situation. If Josh were in serious, immediate danger, Leo would know what to do then, too. She turns to leave with this in mind.
“Donna.” Leo's voice halts her, and she turns back. He is looking at her with both kindness and understanding. “Josh is going to be fine. We'll make sure of it.”
“Yeah.” Donna nods again. “Thanks, Leo.”
~
The Next Day
As the workday draws to a close, Donna gives up all pretense of doing anything useful at her desk and goes to sit in the lobby near where Josh is still having his meeting with ATVA. He's been in there all day, and the only contact she's had with him has been secondhand: Stanley had asked her for some coffee for himself and the woman who had come with him (for some reason, there were two people from ATVA for Josh, and Donna didn't want to think about why that might be necessary). She barely notices the beautifully-decorated Christmas trees all around her. In fact, she's so lost in thought and worry that she jumps when someone calls her name.
“Donna, how long have you been sitting out here?” It's Leo, and now he's looking worried about her.
Donna thinks about his question. “I, um - I'm honestly not sure,” she tells him.
“You know it might still be a while before Josh is finished, right?”
“I know.” Donna shrugs. “I just want to be here when he's done.”
Leo sighs and comes to stand next to where she's sitting. “Well, I'm not going to tell you to go home, because I know you won't,” he says. “But I am going to suggest that you try to distract yourself with something else for a while. I'll wait for Josh out here. I want to talk to him for a couple of minutes, anyway.”
Donna stands up. “Really? You'll let me know when he's out of the meeting?”
“I will let you know,” Leo tells her. He smiles and pats her on the arm. “It shouldn't be too much longer now. And when he gets out, maybe you could take him to the emergency room - just in case.”
“Okay. Thanks, Leo.” She wonders what he wants to talk to Josh about, but decides it isn't important at the moment. “I'll go find something to read in the meantime, or something.”
“Good.”
~
As it turns out, Donna has excellent timing. She puts her book away, puts on her coat - and then has another thought and goes back to get Josh's coat. She is just heading down the hall to ask Leo how much longer he thinks it'll be when she sees Josh through the window. His back is to her. She takes a few steps closer and sees that he's talking to Leo. She doesn't want to eavesdrop, so she waits until Leo gives her a little nod of his head to signal that she can come in.
Based on the tail end of the conversation, Josh is protesting - although not with much vigor - the idea that he needs to go to the emergency room. Both she and Leo ignore his protests, and she's relieved when he gets into his coat without further delay.
Josh is silent on his way out of the building, and Donna decides not to intrude into his thoughts. As they exit the gate into the cold, Josh says, “I don't need a doctor.”
“Are you a doctor?” Donna asks simply.
“No,” he admits.
“Then be quiet,” she tells him, but without sharpness. Whatever he's learned from his session with ATVA, it can't have been an easy day for him. On second thought, it can't have been an easy several weeks for him.
Josh stops walking as they approach a group of carolers singing a nice arrangement of “Carol of the Bells.” They have handbells, too, fittingly enough. Donna has always liked this song, although in general she prefers her Christmas songs to be in a major key. From looking at Josh, though, he's not really enjoying the music, although he seems absorbed in listening. In fact, his expression is starting to appear almost haunted. Donna feels herself grow colder. “Josh?”
He doesn't turn away from the carolers, but he does reply. “Yeah?”
“Let's go,” she says, threading her arm around his upper arm.
“Okay.” As the carolers reach the end of the song, he allows her to lead him across the street. She hears and feels him take a deep, almost shuddering breath, and her own heart clenches.
When they get to the hospital, Donna waits for him in an uncomfortable plastic chair, her hands folded in her lap. The setting is different enough - different hospital, none of her friends there waiting with her, no Secret Service agents stationed throughout the area - but she still can't help being reminded of the last time she was waiting for Josh in a hospital. She swallows and almost gives in to the tears. Then she reminds herself that this procedure (unlike surgery to repair a lung and a heart) will not take very long, and she doesn't want to break down in front of Josh when he needs her to be there for him.
It's only about fifteen or twenty minutes later when Josh comes out. He is sporting a new, much smaller bandage on his hand and carrying a small bottle in his other hand. Donna guesses from her experience taking care of Josh post-surgery that it's prescription painkillers. “Hey. You all set?” she asks him, standing up.
“Yeah, I think so,” Josh says. He gives her a faint smile. “It's probably a good thing I didn't try to give myself stitches - especially not with my left hand.”
Donna returns the smile, although it's a little shaky. The injury had been serious enough to require stitches, and he'd waited almost two days to have it looked at? “Your mother never taught you to sew?”
“Not that I remember,” he admits. “And I don't think medical sutures are in her repertoire, either, actually.”
“How many did they give you?” She reaches for his hand, and he holds it out obligingly. There are three stitches on his palm, and a small white bandage at one end of the cut, wrapped around his hand to secure it in place. It's both not as bad and much worse than she has been imagining. Donna clears her throat and releases his hand. “How long do they have to stay in?”
“They told me to come back in about a week,” Josh answers. “Could be eight days, but I told the doctor that was too long.”
Donna is about to retort with something about how he's still not a doctor, so he should just listen to what the actual doctor told him - but it's obvious from his bearing and expression that Josh is just about out of energy. So she just says, “Well, we'll have to see how it heals,” and leads him out of the hospital.
On their way back to the car, it's Josh who breaks the silence. “Donna.”
“Yes?”
“I--” He pauses for a moment. “I'm sorry.”
“For what?” Donna turns to face him, aware that she's not going to be able to keep it together this time. “For being in so much pain and still not asking for help? For pushing all of your friends away? For--” She swallows, gesturing to his injured hand and once again finding herself thinking about how far it could have gone. “For hurting yourself? Which one of those things are you apologizing for, Josh?” Her voice is starting to sound choked.
Josh stares at her for a few seconds. He shrugs and drops his gaze. “All of them, I guess.”
“Well,” Donna begins, and then she turns away and starts walking again, wiping a hand across her face. “Good. I'm glad to hear it.”
“Donna. Hey!” Now he sounds annoyed and also maybe amused, which is kind of infuriating but very normal for her boss. “Could you just wait a second?”
“What?” She stops again and looks at him.
He smiles, and even though he's exhausted and it's dark and they're both freezing, it's a sight of which Donna doesn't get bored. “I was just going to say thanks.”
She thinks she's guessing correctly that his thank you is encompassing more than just her taking him to the ER tonight. She smiles back, much more sincerely. “You're welcome.”
Spoilers: “Noel”
Characters: Donna, Josh; also some Sam, Leo, and Margaret.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: “Donna's going to take you to the emergency room.” “She knows?” “She was the one who guessed.”
Disclaimer: I don't own this show or these characters.
Author's Note: I wanted a Donna POV fic from this episode, so I decided to go ahead and write one.
Thanks to hazel_eyes_86 for her beta!
~
“Josh, what happened?”
Josh looks up at her blankly. “What?”
Donna points at his bandage-wrapped hand, where it's resting on his desk in front of him. “Your hand, Josh. What happened to it?”
“Oh.” Josh looks at the bandages, and for a second Donna could swear it seems like he doesn't know the answer to her question. But then he tells her, “I, uh, I accidentally broke a glass setting it down last night. I cut my hand on the shards. It's not a big deal.” He only meets her eyes for a second before looking down at the papers on his desk.
Donna's heart sinks. She knows he was lying just then - and it seems like he might even have been lying to himself. She's still not sure exactly what's going on with Josh, but she knows this is a significant, serious development. It can't be a coincidence that he came to work with a bandaged hand the day after the Christmas party, after the way he had fallen apart by the end of the first piece. Donna wishes now, as she did then, that he would be willing to talk to her. But all she does is say, “Okay. Here's the Allred file. Did you need anything else?”
“No, thanks.” Josh takes it and immediately starts reading. Donna thinks about asking him about the meeting with ATVA that he has scheduled for tomorrow, but she decides against it. He'd been uncomfortable enough acknowledging the fact that she and Sam and Toby and CJ and the others had already been talking with ATVA these past few days. Instead, she makes a mental note to be sure she stays as late as she needs to tomorrow, in case Josh's meeting runs long. She has a feeling it might.
Donna can't help being distracted as the day continues. Josh is obviously still on edge whenever she interacts with him, and whenever she witnesses him interacting with anyone else. Sam is the first one to ask her, in a low voice, if she knows what happened to Josh's hand. She repeats the story Josh told her, and Sam raises his eyebrows. “That's what he told me, too. But...”
“It doesn't seem like a very likely story, does it?” Donna finishes with a sad smile, seeing her concern reflected in Sam's eyes.
“No, it doesn't,” Sam agrees. He sighs, then thanks her and heads back to his office.
She has similar conversations with CJ, and then Toby, and then it's time for lunch. In the middle of her salad, a possible real explanation for what happened to Josh's hand occurs to her - and Donna can barely swallow the bite of food in her mouth. She really doesn't want it to be true … but she is terribly afraid it might be.
Tossing the rest of her salad in the trash, Donna hurries to Margaret who is at her desk. Donna asks her if Leo has a moment to talk to her about Josh. Something in her face must convince Margaret that this is important, because she goes into Leo's office right away. She doesn't come out for about a minute, but then she opens the door and says, “Okay, go ahead and go in.”
“Thanks, Margaret,” Donna says. She manages a smile for the other woman before she closes the door to the office behind her.
“What is it, Donna?” Leo asks quietly. “You said it was something to do with Josh.”
“Yeah.” Donna does her best to hold back threatening tears. “He came in this morning with a bandage on his right hand. He told me he hurt himself accidentally when he broke a glass last night, but I don't think...” She has to take a breath, and has to look down. “I don't think it was an accident.”
Leo exhales slowly. “You think Josh hurt himself on purpose.”
Nodding, Donna says, “I think so. It makes more sense than the story he told me. I mean, of course it doesn't make sense at all. None of this makes sense, but--”
“I know what you mean, Donna,” Leo interrupts her gently. He stands up and starts to pace, looking thoughtful and concerned. “Okay. His meeting with ATVA isn't until tomorrow, and I don't think we can reschedule it for today, since half of the day is gone already. And based on how he's been acting, I don't think he's going to tell us what really happened until he talks to ATVA.”
Donna knows his comment about the day already being half-gone wasn't intended as a criticism of how long it took her to figure this out, but it still stings. She pushes past it to the more important issue. “Okay, but is he going to be all right until then? His hand...”
“Well, I'm not a doctor,” Leo says, frowning, “but I'm guessing if the bandage is at least stopping the bleeding, he'll be all right for a little while longer. We can get him to the doctor as soon as he's done tomorrow. But you keep a close eye on him in case that changes, all right?”
“I will,” Donna promises. She tries to calm herself by considering Leo's practical, straightforward attitude toward the whole situation. If Josh were in serious, immediate danger, Leo would know what to do then, too. She turns to leave with this in mind.
“Donna.” Leo's voice halts her, and she turns back. He is looking at her with both kindness and understanding. “Josh is going to be fine. We'll make sure of it.”
“Yeah.” Donna nods again. “Thanks, Leo.”
~
The Next Day
As the workday draws to a close, Donna gives up all pretense of doing anything useful at her desk and goes to sit in the lobby near where Josh is still having his meeting with ATVA. He's been in there all day, and the only contact she's had with him has been secondhand: Stanley had asked her for some coffee for himself and the woman who had come with him (for some reason, there were two people from ATVA for Josh, and Donna didn't want to think about why that might be necessary). She barely notices the beautifully-decorated Christmas trees all around her. In fact, she's so lost in thought and worry that she jumps when someone calls her name.
“Donna, how long have you been sitting out here?” It's Leo, and now he's looking worried about her.
Donna thinks about his question. “I, um - I'm honestly not sure,” she tells him.
“You know it might still be a while before Josh is finished, right?”
“I know.” Donna shrugs. “I just want to be here when he's done.”
Leo sighs and comes to stand next to where she's sitting. “Well, I'm not going to tell you to go home, because I know you won't,” he says. “But I am going to suggest that you try to distract yourself with something else for a while. I'll wait for Josh out here. I want to talk to him for a couple of minutes, anyway.”
Donna stands up. “Really? You'll let me know when he's out of the meeting?”
“I will let you know,” Leo tells her. He smiles and pats her on the arm. “It shouldn't be too much longer now. And when he gets out, maybe you could take him to the emergency room - just in case.”
“Okay. Thanks, Leo.” She wonders what he wants to talk to Josh about, but decides it isn't important at the moment. “I'll go find something to read in the meantime, or something.”
“Good.”
~
As it turns out, Donna has excellent timing. She puts her book away, puts on her coat - and then has another thought and goes back to get Josh's coat. She is just heading down the hall to ask Leo how much longer he thinks it'll be when she sees Josh through the window. His back is to her. She takes a few steps closer and sees that he's talking to Leo. She doesn't want to eavesdrop, so she waits until Leo gives her a little nod of his head to signal that she can come in.
Based on the tail end of the conversation, Josh is protesting - although not with much vigor - the idea that he needs to go to the emergency room. Both she and Leo ignore his protests, and she's relieved when he gets into his coat without further delay.
Josh is silent on his way out of the building, and Donna decides not to intrude into his thoughts. As they exit the gate into the cold, Josh says, “I don't need a doctor.”
“Are you a doctor?” Donna asks simply.
“No,” he admits.
“Then be quiet,” she tells him, but without sharpness. Whatever he's learned from his session with ATVA, it can't have been an easy day for him. On second thought, it can't have been an easy several weeks for him.
Josh stops walking as they approach a group of carolers singing a nice arrangement of “Carol of the Bells.” They have handbells, too, fittingly enough. Donna has always liked this song, although in general she prefers her Christmas songs to be in a major key. From looking at Josh, though, he's not really enjoying the music, although he seems absorbed in listening. In fact, his expression is starting to appear almost haunted. Donna feels herself grow colder. “Josh?”
He doesn't turn away from the carolers, but he does reply. “Yeah?”
“Let's go,” she says, threading her arm around his upper arm.
“Okay.” As the carolers reach the end of the song, he allows her to lead him across the street. She hears and feels him take a deep, almost shuddering breath, and her own heart clenches.
When they get to the hospital, Donna waits for him in an uncomfortable plastic chair, her hands folded in her lap. The setting is different enough - different hospital, none of her friends there waiting with her, no Secret Service agents stationed throughout the area - but she still can't help being reminded of the last time she was waiting for Josh in a hospital. She swallows and almost gives in to the tears. Then she reminds herself that this procedure (unlike surgery to repair a lung and a heart) will not take very long, and she doesn't want to break down in front of Josh when he needs her to be there for him.
It's only about fifteen or twenty minutes later when Josh comes out. He is sporting a new, much smaller bandage on his hand and carrying a small bottle in his other hand. Donna guesses from her experience taking care of Josh post-surgery that it's prescription painkillers. “Hey. You all set?” she asks him, standing up.
“Yeah, I think so,” Josh says. He gives her a faint smile. “It's probably a good thing I didn't try to give myself stitches - especially not with my left hand.”
Donna returns the smile, although it's a little shaky. The injury had been serious enough to require stitches, and he'd waited almost two days to have it looked at? “Your mother never taught you to sew?”
“Not that I remember,” he admits. “And I don't think medical sutures are in her repertoire, either, actually.”
“How many did they give you?” She reaches for his hand, and he holds it out obligingly. There are three stitches on his palm, and a small white bandage at one end of the cut, wrapped around his hand to secure it in place. It's both not as bad and much worse than she has been imagining. Donna clears her throat and releases his hand. “How long do they have to stay in?”
“They told me to come back in about a week,” Josh answers. “Could be eight days, but I told the doctor that was too long.”
Donna is about to retort with something about how he's still not a doctor, so he should just listen to what the actual doctor told him - but it's obvious from his bearing and expression that Josh is just about out of energy. So she just says, “Well, we'll have to see how it heals,” and leads him out of the hospital.
On their way back to the car, it's Josh who breaks the silence. “Donna.”
“Yes?”
“I--” He pauses for a moment. “I'm sorry.”
“For what?” Donna turns to face him, aware that she's not going to be able to keep it together this time. “For being in so much pain and still not asking for help? For pushing all of your friends away? For--” She swallows, gesturing to his injured hand and once again finding herself thinking about how far it could have gone. “For hurting yourself? Which one of those things are you apologizing for, Josh?” Her voice is starting to sound choked.
Josh stares at her for a few seconds. He shrugs and drops his gaze. “All of them, I guess.”
“Well,” Donna begins, and then she turns away and starts walking again, wiping a hand across her face. “Good. I'm glad to hear it.”
“Donna. Hey!” Now he sounds annoyed and also maybe amused, which is kind of infuriating but very normal for her boss. “Could you just wait a second?”
“What?” She stops again and looks at him.
He smiles, and even though he's exhausted and it's dark and they're both freezing, it's a sight of which Donna doesn't get bored. “I was just going to say thanks.”
She thinks she's guessing correctly that his thank you is encompassing more than just her taking him to the ER tonight. She smiles back, much more sincerely. “You're welcome.”