my country and my hometown
Those of you who know me would probably nod and smile when I say that I don't really care about politics. Its true. I took the required US History classes for high school and while most of my class went on to AP US government, I chose to take on the position of yearbook photo editor and only stop by next door in Koepping's government class when I'm really bored.
So what changed? I surprised myself when I found that the reason I like google news so much is that it always shows me how much Barack Obama is leading the nation in polls. I was also shocked when last night I woke up from dreaming that although most of the states voted Obama, Mccain was announced to be the next US president. The only thing that's different between me in 2004 and me today (except being 4 years older, uglier and fatter) is that I now hold an American passport.
That's right, I will now be queing up in the "foreigners" line when I pass through Beijing customs when I go back this winter. Something which I'm sure I'll find pretty heartbreaking, because as far as I am concerned, I am still 100% Chinese deep down. Does a 4x6 Navy blue packet really change anything?
As much as I hate to admit it. Yes. It does. It effectively means that this is now my (adopted) country. And my decision will impact (even if just a little) the future of this country. I was filling out my ballot the other night, the city of Lake Oswego wanted my approval to use a penny out of every tax dollar to rebuild some of the roads. Granted, LO really does have too much money to spend. But what shocked me was not that it was asking for more money but how the city is asking permission to use the tax dollars. Shocking i know. This kind of thing never happens in China. = )
Gertrude Stein once said "American is my country but Paris is my hometown". Maybe this will now be my relationship with China. Like I've said so many times before, China is a part of me. I could no sooner cut off one of my limbs than deny that I am Chinese through and through. But there's no denying it, a part of me IS American and America has had a hand in shaping me to be who I am today.
I'm sure that I'm not the only one struggling in this odd gray area in life. Maybe it'll be years before I figure it out. But there's no denying that I'll probably be spending the rest of my life here in this country. For better or for worse, I might as well accept it. Although I will be missing my hometown every day.
So what changed? I surprised myself when I found that the reason I like google news so much is that it always shows me how much Barack Obama is leading the nation in polls. I was also shocked when last night I woke up from dreaming that although most of the states voted Obama, Mccain was announced to be the next US president. The only thing that's different between me in 2004 and me today (except being 4 years older, uglier and fatter) is that I now hold an American passport.
That's right, I will now be queing up in the "foreigners" line when I pass through Beijing customs when I go back this winter. Something which I'm sure I'll find pretty heartbreaking, because as far as I am concerned, I am still 100% Chinese deep down. Does a 4x6 Navy blue packet really change anything?
As much as I hate to admit it. Yes. It does. It effectively means that this is now my (adopted) country. And my decision will impact (even if just a little) the future of this country. I was filling out my ballot the other night, the city of Lake Oswego wanted my approval to use a penny out of every tax dollar to rebuild some of the roads. Granted, LO really does have too much money to spend. But what shocked me was not that it was asking for more money but how the city is asking permission to use the tax dollars. Shocking i know. This kind of thing never happens in China. = )
Gertrude Stein once said "American is my country but Paris is my hometown". Maybe this will now be my relationship with China. Like I've said so many times before, China is a part of me. I could no sooner cut off one of my limbs than deny that I am Chinese through and through. But there's no denying it, a part of me IS American and America has had a hand in shaping me to be who I am today.
I'm sure that I'm not the only one struggling in this odd gray area in life. Maybe it'll be years before I figure it out. But there's no denying that I'll probably be spending the rest of my life here in this country. For better or for worse, I might as well accept it. Although I will be missing my hometown every day.