no point to this one.
it was so hot today that i kept sticking to everything- the furniture, random pieces of paper, and even myself. for much of the morning, there was nothing to do except eat sweet, warm lychees that my boss had brought from chinatown, the peelings strewn around the cutting blocks as proof of our idleness. dinner rush was negligible, the customers and the waves of heat interchangeably annoying. the hours spun by. when i left, i clicked my a/c on its highest setting and slipped in a cd that i found this morning, one that i hadn't listened to in months- my treasured ysj3.
now, why this cd made me think of k, i'm not really sure. i didn't even own the cd then. track 2, "yuljung", is (oddly enough) one of my favorite "love" songs of all time. i started listening to the familiar lyrics and thinking about how perfect they were and then went on thinking about other songs that i thought had intense lovey sentiments... like EOS's "neon nam i aniya". and i thought of the girl who would play this in her boyfriend's cd player almost daily as they ran errands, the girl who thought of everything in terms of "we..." rather than "i...", and feel so detached from her as if She never could have been Me. I, I want to see k suddenly and tell him that now i've seen his, our, country and what it's meant... and how stunning the lilac flowers were, and how it all finally came together, so many things... and i remember how, once, She'd told her parents that k lived in apgujung-do when they asked because she'd never heard of yoido and how k smiled at her that warm eyes-and-honey smile as he told his mother about how She had said that. and I'm realizing now it's been so long since my daily life has involved anyone's wants, desires, needs other than those of myself. She, She has this (almost) beautiful, unfaltering belief that the world is hers, Hers, her oyster, whatever. but hell, not Me. Me, I definitely know better.
now, why this cd made me think of k, i'm not really sure. i didn't even own the cd then. track 2, "yuljung", is (oddly enough) one of my favorite "love" songs of all time. i started listening to the familiar lyrics and thinking about how perfect they were and then went on thinking about other songs that i thought had intense lovey sentiments... like EOS's "neon nam i aniya". and i thought of the girl who would play this in her boyfriend's cd player almost daily as they ran errands, the girl who thought of everything in terms of "we..." rather than "i...", and feel so detached from her as if She never could have been Me. I, I want to see k suddenly and tell him that now i've seen his, our, country and what it's meant... and how stunning the lilac flowers were, and how it all finally came together, so many things... and i remember how, once, She'd told her parents that k lived in apgujung-do when they asked because she'd never heard of yoido and how k smiled at her that warm eyes-and-honey smile as he told his mother about how She had said that. and I'm realizing now it's been so long since my daily life has involved anyone's wants, desires, needs other than those of myself. She, She has this (almost) beautiful, unfaltering belief that the world is hers, Hers, her oyster, whatever. but hell, not Me. Me, I definitely know better.