overly dramatic and vainly depressed
I wrote this at 230 last night in my little blue book, and its been on the brain the entire day
I have found myself as of late enshrouded in an inescapable and ungraspable and prying sense that my life will ultimately result in a grandiose nothingness. It's not that im depressed about my life personally, but just about the idea of life in general. For, as science has so lovingly instilled in us, our biological duty of being born, maturing, reproducing, nurturing, and then dying has been predetermined by the laws of nature, and are ultimately inescapable. We are to forfeit our livelihoods to our succeeding generation, who in turn will someday be forced to forfeit their livelihoods to their succeeding generation, whom of which the same fate is bestowed, and etc. etc., to ensure the immortality of our species until the supposed apocalypse. And when we die, after fulfilling our biological duty, there is no heaven, no Almighty for salvation. For religion is utterly ludicrous, a naive approach at comforting the mortal fear of death, and a futile easing of the burden a fruitless existence has bestowed upon the human mind. There is no heaven. There is reduction to organic material, an almost uniting of the cadaver with Earth, but a propheted Eden of boundless happiness is frankly ridiculous and unattainable. Which leads me to a rather grave conclusion; why must I endure? why must i put myself through vain attempts of art and self expression, frivolous and unceasing toil, disabilitating social foundations, and pathetic conformity? why, when I already know i have 80 years or so left to live before i begin my decomposition, must i wait these 80 years? If i was to end it relatively sooner, would there be anything left to regret? Nay, for everything is a mere apparition beyond the human realm of the Known, and nothing is of any redeemable worth.
I have found myself as of late enshrouded in an inescapable and ungraspable and prying sense that my life will ultimately result in a grandiose nothingness. It's not that im depressed about my life personally, but just about the idea of life in general. For, as science has so lovingly instilled in us, our biological duty of being born, maturing, reproducing, nurturing, and then dying has been predetermined by the laws of nature, and are ultimately inescapable. We are to forfeit our livelihoods to our succeeding generation, who in turn will someday be forced to forfeit their livelihoods to their succeeding generation, whom of which the same fate is bestowed, and etc. etc., to ensure the immortality of our species until the supposed apocalypse. And when we die, after fulfilling our biological duty, there is no heaven, no Almighty for salvation. For religion is utterly ludicrous, a naive approach at comforting the mortal fear of death, and a futile easing of the burden a fruitless existence has bestowed upon the human mind. There is no heaven. There is reduction to organic material, an almost uniting of the cadaver with Earth, but a propheted Eden of boundless happiness is frankly ridiculous and unattainable. Which leads me to a rather grave conclusion; why must I endure? why must i put myself through vain attempts of art and self expression, frivolous and unceasing toil, disabilitating social foundations, and pathetic conformity? why, when I already know i have 80 years or so left to live before i begin my decomposition, must i wait these 80 years? If i was to end it relatively sooner, would there be anything left to regret? Nay, for everything is a mere apparition beyond the human realm of the Known, and nothing is of any redeemable worth.