the skeptic has been converted..
the more that time passes the more excited i get about this whole marraige thing...
which is strange.
cause i was determined to NEVER get married.
not because i thought it was best for me, but because i had never felt that way about anyone.
that was actually something that seemed scarey to me. that I would never do the whole family thing because I would never feel that way about anyone.
I would never feel like I could look at one guy and think "you. Just you. I know what all of this implies and I want to give up all of my other possibilities and all of my other dates and all of the freedom that goes with being single for the rest of my life. I don't want to fight this battle anymore and when I look at you there is no longer a battle out there to fight. I know what i am giving up and I would do it in a heart beat to connect to you on the safest level imaginable."
but that's what i feel now.
and since I never felt it before. I trust it.
it's like a strong, convincted atheist decide that something had happened to prove God beyond all doubt. If it could convince him.. maybe we should believe it... him being God's biggest skeptic...
However. along with this goes great risk.
if I am wrong.
if this isn't IT.
if this feeling cannot be trusted then never will I do this again.
This is the one voice of truth. i have to believe in it's validity.
if it is proven wrong, I have nothing left to believe in.
But that's okay.
because I do believe.
with all my heart.
which is strange.
cause i was determined to NEVER get married.
not because i thought it was best for me, but because i had never felt that way about anyone.
that was actually something that seemed scarey to me. that I would never do the whole family thing because I would never feel that way about anyone.
I would never feel like I could look at one guy and think "you. Just you. I know what all of this implies and I want to give up all of my other possibilities and all of my other dates and all of the freedom that goes with being single for the rest of my life. I don't want to fight this battle anymore and when I look at you there is no longer a battle out there to fight. I know what i am giving up and I would do it in a heart beat to connect to you on the safest level imaginable."
but that's what i feel now.
and since I never felt it before. I trust it.
it's like a strong, convincted atheist decide that something had happened to prove God beyond all doubt. If it could convince him.. maybe we should believe it... him being God's biggest skeptic...
However. along with this goes great risk.
if I am wrong.
if this isn't IT.
if this feeling cannot be trusted then never will I do this again.
This is the one voice of truth. i have to believe in it's validity.
if it is proven wrong, I have nothing left to believe in.
But that's okay.
because I do believe.
with all my heart.