a real update for a change
Can stable be a mood? Sounds good to me.
So I'm currently all about this Harry Connick song:
"in a way
i really don't know
much at all
if you say
that i'm simple "well it's better to be happy
you're on the ball in a cardboard shack
on the ball to say than to be alone in a castle
that i'm going all you get for your money
nowhere is a heart attack
but i'm going i'd just as soon alleviate the hassle"
nowhere
with love"
lately i certainly feel that i really don't know much at all. i've been puzzled about matters in my personal life for awhile (at least that's somewhat out of my hands at this point), have no idea what i want to do when i grow up, have challenges with that whole faith in something, etc.
maybe it's the birthday. 23 certainly isn't all that old, but i'm beginning to feel that it's about time that i grow up. i feel more awake, aware. i hate the people i've hurt in my selfish acts and find it very difficult to forgive myself for things i've done both lately and years and years ago. it's about time i put forth an effort to change.
i also feel like i'm going nowhere with love. unfortunately not like the song which is blissfully happy about going nowhere because of love, but like i'm just not getting anywhere with it. again, 23 and who says i need to be getting anywhere with love right now anyway.
on a lighter note, for those of you who are still bothering to read, my rehearsal with the choir was a lot of fun. they sang well, the handbells were great, everything was super duper except for that whole having ZERO sopranos there. hey, that's why dr. fowler always says know all parts of the music inside out. someone has to sing the soprano line, so it was me while i directed. rachel maloney, you are my hero for coming in on sunday morning and singing with the group so well so that my "audition" went as well as it did. other than completely forgetting to have the choir stand, i think it went very well and i was really proud of all the work the choir did to sound so good.
that sunday i made another important leap forward. i have always been so scared of public performance. even just playing the piano has been difficult for me. when i was asked to play one of the hymns so that our organist could dance with the little dance group, i of course said sure, but i was really worried about what would happen with my whole anxiety thing. accompanying is always easier and i made a mistake or two, but overall that was a positive experience.
since i wouldn't have the attention span to sit down and read this post, it's about time i stopped rambling, but hey, it was about time for something more substantial than stupid quizzes i take at work when i'm bored. happy exciting wonderful new year to all.