(no subject)
Impulsively I text expecting nothing and somehow I find myself buying him cigarettes and pointing my car in the old familiar direction.
We bullshit and close the bar and then we're outside and I make some offhand comment about his kid and he takes it as time to bring up the 5 year resentment he's harbored about the abortion. And implies (am I reading too much into it) that he WANTED to have a kid with me, even after knowing me really only 6 weeks. And we argued and I told him I was cold on purpose and he said he knew and then we went to his sisters house and went "to sleep" but started making out so much then he put his hands on me and the sex and I stopped him and said "is this a thing" and he really didn't answer.
But here's the thing, I want it to be a thing. I know there are so many fundamental differences and he judges me and I judge him and we bicker but laying down, watching him sit in front of me my heart swelled up in my chest a little thinking oh god he's so handsome and I just want this to be every morning, waking up together, laughing together, holding his hand and smiling inside maybe outside.
My thoughts are racing away from me a million miles an hour I can't tell my friends because they will see the situation as a mistake and I haven't found out if he still has that girlfriend anymore but what I do know is that he is the only person I can picture myself being with and wanting in 5, 10, 15, 50 years. I know there are problems but maybe I'll just go for it because I need to know I did everything I could, I was totally open and honest. But this time maybe it'll be good enough. Prob not, but goddamn it I am gonna push it until I embarrass myself, because.
We bullshit and close the bar and then we're outside and I make some offhand comment about his kid and he takes it as time to bring up the 5 year resentment he's harbored about the abortion. And implies (am I reading too much into it) that he WANTED to have a kid with me, even after knowing me really only 6 weeks. And we argued and I told him I was cold on purpose and he said he knew and then we went to his sisters house and went "to sleep" but started making out so much then he put his hands on me and the sex and I stopped him and said "is this a thing" and he really didn't answer.
But here's the thing, I want it to be a thing. I know there are so many fundamental differences and he judges me and I judge him and we bicker but laying down, watching him sit in front of me my heart swelled up in my chest a little thinking oh god he's so handsome and I just want this to be every morning, waking up together, laughing together, holding his hand and smiling inside maybe outside.
My thoughts are racing away from me a million miles an hour I can't tell my friends because they will see the situation as a mistake and I haven't found out if he still has that girlfriend anymore but what I do know is that he is the only person I can picture myself being with and wanting in 5, 10, 15, 50 years. I know there are problems but maybe I'll just go for it because I need to know I did everything I could, I was totally open and honest. But this time maybe it'll be good enough. Prob not, but goddamn it I am gonna push it until I embarrass myself, because.