And the obligate post about....
THE GOODNESS OF THE BAD SLASH
So, what do we have here but a new story that made me laugh with the lameness and dumbness in it.
First, one of my biggest wishes, along with peace of Earth and no more people in the 3rd world starving, is that people in general will stop thinking that what they see in TV is how it actually is in real life, and do some goddamn research before writing their crap stuff. So, a tiny example - maybe in the airport in some little town lost in the South-America or some remote place on this planet people could wait for those arriving in the same place/hall where those arriving pick their luggage. Usually it's not this way. Or at least not in my knowledge. So, my not dear author, the biggest chances are that Paul couldn't wait, meet and greet Richard in the same place with the carousel, or how you call it in English. As far as I've seen is get out of plane, gets your papers checked (passport, ID, whatever), then claim your luggage and only after that you get out into the waiting area. But this is nitpicking now, srsly :P So, letting aside technicalities...
Another complaint - people don't purr. Felines do, not people. You can use it as a metaphor that turned already into a cliche, but don't over use it. And, for the love of the gods of slash fanfic, you're talking about 2 grown up men, both already in their 40s. One would expect them to act more... mature. Not to purr at any given moment and not to call each other with names like "Paulchen" or "Reesh". "Reesh" irks me to no end, and also, to my limited knowledge, it's not usual for Germany to shorten "Richard" that way. And "Paulchen"??? WTF??? Iit's like his grandma is talking to him!
Now,
Paul is waiting for Richard at the airport. Richard arrives fropm New York back to Germany (Berlin I assume). Paul drives him to his (Paul's) place.
When they arrive Paul got out of the car, crossed around back, and opened the door for the other man. Taking Richard’s hand, he gently pulled him out of the car - eeerrr.... first, yeah, maybe Richard is that little princess or damsel in distress, needing help to get out of the golden carriage, and second - WTF???
They get into Paul's apartment, and Paul sends Richard straight to sleep in his bedroom claiming that Richard is tired. Oh well, each has his/her own habits. Richard gets into the bed, Paul goes to watch TV, but he can't since he catches a moan coming from the bedroom. So what does he do??? No, he doesn't turn the TV louder, he goes to spy on RIchard. And he peeks at him through the slightly opened bedroom door, as Richard, after a long flight, was wanking while looking at the pages of the latest Avon catalog. Now, the important problem arises: did Richard bring the catalog with him, or Paul had it there in the house? And if so, why? But the really, really important question is: what was the image that Richard was wanking at, the image of a lipgloss? Silver nail polish?? Mascara??
He was quickly biting back other noises when he watched Richard’s hand disappear into his boxers with a delicious moan. - Sooooo, Richard's hands MOAN???? OMG
Anyway, Paul goes back to the lounge, picks his phone, and calls Richard. And guess what ringtone RIchard had. Nooooo, not "Beautiful" by Aguillera, nor the latest Britney hit, but none other than "“Du Reichst So Gut". Nooo, not RIECHST, reichst. Must be the un-censored version of the Du Riechst So Gut, by this German band, Rammstein.
So, Richard invites Paul in the bedroom. And here starts the nasty. I mean they proceed to have something ummm... resembling sex.
He took the other man’s hand in his and gazed deeply into his eyes. Richard whimpered softly as Paul sniffed at his hand - Paul really sounds like a creep, sniffing people's hands.
“You smell so good,” he purred - Yes, he is using Nivea cremes.
And a real important question "“Is this the hand you use to touch yourself?” - No, that's the hand he's wiping his ass with.
Paul nuzzled and licked at his hand before putting it on his stomach. Richard moaned and stroked Paul’s belly - Then he scratched him between the ears and gave him some leberwurst. Dear author, your analogy of Paul to a cat is embarassing. Stroking people's belly is NOT sexy when you write it that way. But then, you're writing smut yet you are so shy in naming the sexual organs, and the euphemisms you use are embarassing too.
Paul’s hands trembled; he wanted to get closer but also wanted to make sure Richard didn’t stop touching him - Logic fail!
“Come to bed?” Richard whispered. “Please? Come to bed with me?” Paul didn’t need to be asked twice. - But, he just did it.
And as the proceed further into this imitation of sex having He pulled the blankets up over them just to be sure the other man didn’t get cold. - Gotta love all these people that do the nasty with all the lights turned off and a pile of blankets over them. WTF???
The little guitarist made a mighty growl and pounced the dark one, pinning him to the bed. - First, Paul might be not as tall as the others, be he's not little. He's not a midget. STOP DOING THAT TO HIM. Second, a mighty growl??? Third, the dark one as in the dark guitarist??? Dark under his tongue or where???
Then, we find out about the latent big drama - RIchard just left his girlfriend in New York, and returned to Germany forever. Later we'll find out that he was Till`s love too. Yeah, soap operas washing our kids' brains.
Also, Richard must have been with all these people but didn't quite have sex before, since hadn’t realized ... how much pleasure could be wrung from just touching
My assumption, the author not only haven't been much in airports, she also didn't have much sex in her life either. Yeah, I'm bad, but you know me already.
He looked down at Richard’s pale body swimming in a dark sea of blankets. - No comment!
He loved the look of exquisite pleasure that was on his lover’s chiseled features. - *facepalm*
And then, bed talk - “Reesh, I want to suck. - *facepalm* No comment!
He tossed his head from side to side as he climax began washing over him. - Because orgasm is like detergent, with spring flowers and ... I wonder if it started washing him from the head or from his toes.
“Here, kitty, kitty,” Richard murmured with a smile.
“Kitty?” Paul asked, pausing mid lick.
“Kitty,” Richard nodded. “My little Paul-kitty.”
The worst thing I've ever read, to quote my wife someone.
After that, Richard wanks Paul, and this happens: Paul was howling his release, much to his embarrassment.After cleaning himself up with his t-shirt, he found he couldn’t meet Richard’s eyes. When Richard asks what's wrong, the explanation "I didn’t really give a good showing just then."
And then they fall asleep happily ever after. I also have to note that Paul not only behaves and resembles a cat, he and Richard don't use much predicates either: “You okay?” and You mad at me?
So, the end. I'm waiting for the next masterpiece.
So, what do we have here but a new story that made me laugh with the lameness and dumbness in it.
First, one of my biggest wishes, along with peace of Earth and no more people in the 3rd world starving, is that people in general will stop thinking that what they see in TV is how it actually is in real life, and do some goddamn research before writing their crap stuff. So, a tiny example - maybe in the airport in some little town lost in the South-America or some remote place on this planet people could wait for those arriving in the same place/hall where those arriving pick their luggage. Usually it's not this way. Or at least not in my knowledge. So, my not dear author, the biggest chances are that Paul couldn't wait, meet and greet Richard in the same place with the carousel, or how you call it in English. As far as I've seen is get out of plane, gets your papers checked (passport, ID, whatever), then claim your luggage and only after that you get out into the waiting area. But this is nitpicking now, srsly :P So, letting aside technicalities...
Another complaint - people don't purr. Felines do, not people. You can use it as a metaphor that turned already into a cliche, but don't over use it. And, for the love of the gods of slash fanfic, you're talking about 2 grown up men, both already in their 40s. One would expect them to act more... mature. Not to purr at any given moment and not to call each other with names like "Paulchen" or "Reesh". "Reesh" irks me to no end, and also, to my limited knowledge, it's not usual for Germany to shorten "Richard" that way. And "Paulchen"??? WTF??? Iit's like his grandma is talking to him!
Now,
Paul is waiting for Richard at the airport. Richard arrives fropm New York back to Germany (Berlin I assume). Paul drives him to his (Paul's) place.
When they arrive Paul got out of the car, crossed around back, and opened the door for the other man. Taking Richard’s hand, he gently pulled him out of the car - eeerrr.... first, yeah, maybe Richard is that little princess or damsel in distress, needing help to get out of the golden carriage, and second - WTF???
They get into Paul's apartment, and Paul sends Richard straight to sleep in his bedroom claiming that Richard is tired. Oh well, each has his/her own habits. Richard gets into the bed, Paul goes to watch TV, but he can't since he catches a moan coming from the bedroom. So what does he do??? No, he doesn't turn the TV louder, he goes to spy on RIchard. And he peeks at him through the slightly opened bedroom door, as Richard, after a long flight, was wanking while looking at the pages of the latest Avon catalog. Now, the important problem arises: did Richard bring the catalog with him, or Paul had it there in the house? And if so, why? But the really, really important question is: what was the image that Richard was wanking at, the image of a lipgloss? Silver nail polish?? Mascara??
He was quickly biting back other noises when he watched Richard’s hand disappear into his boxers with a delicious moan. - Sooooo, Richard's hands MOAN???? OMG
Anyway, Paul goes back to the lounge, picks his phone, and calls Richard. And guess what ringtone RIchard had. Nooooo, not "Beautiful" by Aguillera, nor the latest Britney hit, but none other than "“Du Reichst So Gut". Nooo, not RIECHST, reichst. Must be the un-censored version of the Du Riechst So Gut, by this German band, Rammstein.
So, Richard invites Paul in the bedroom. And here starts the nasty. I mean they proceed to have something ummm... resembling sex.
He took the other man’s hand in his and gazed deeply into his eyes. Richard whimpered softly as Paul sniffed at his hand - Paul really sounds like a creep, sniffing people's hands.
“You smell so good,” he purred - Yes, he is using Nivea cremes.
And a real important question "“Is this the hand you use to touch yourself?” - No, that's the hand he's wiping his ass with.
Paul nuzzled and licked at his hand before putting it on his stomach. Richard moaned and stroked Paul’s belly - Then he scratched him between the ears and gave him some leberwurst. Dear author, your analogy of Paul to a cat is embarassing. Stroking people's belly is NOT sexy when you write it that way. But then, you're writing smut yet you are so shy in naming the sexual organs, and the euphemisms you use are embarassing too.
Paul’s hands trembled; he wanted to get closer but also wanted to make sure Richard didn’t stop touching him - Logic fail!
“Come to bed?” Richard whispered. “Please? Come to bed with me?” Paul didn’t need to be asked twice. - But, he just did it.
And as the proceed further into this imitation of sex having He pulled the blankets up over them just to be sure the other man didn’t get cold. - Gotta love all these people that do the nasty with all the lights turned off and a pile of blankets over them. WTF???
The little guitarist made a mighty growl and pounced the dark one, pinning him to the bed. - First, Paul might be not as tall as the others, be he's not little. He's not a midget. STOP DOING THAT TO HIM. Second, a mighty growl??? Third, the dark one as in the dark guitarist??? Dark under his tongue or where???
Then, we find out about the latent big drama - RIchard just left his girlfriend in New York, and returned to Germany forever. Later we'll find out that he was Till`s love too. Yeah, soap operas washing our kids' brains.
Also, Richard must have been with all these people but didn't quite have sex before, since hadn’t realized ... how much pleasure could be wrung from just touching
My assumption, the author not only haven't been much in airports, she also didn't have much sex in her life either. Yeah, I'm bad, but you know me already.
He looked down at Richard’s pale body swimming in a dark sea of blankets. - No comment!
He loved the look of exquisite pleasure that was on his lover’s chiseled features. - *facepalm*
And then, bed talk - “Reesh, I want to suck. - *facepalm* No comment!
He tossed his head from side to side as he climax began washing over him. - Because orgasm is like detergent, with spring flowers and ... I wonder if it started washing him from the head or from his toes.
“Here, kitty, kitty,” Richard murmured with a smile.
“Kitty?” Paul asked, pausing mid lick.
“Kitty,” Richard nodded. “My little Paul-kitty.”
The worst thing I've ever read, to quote my wife someone.
After that, Richard wanks Paul, and this happens: Paul was howling his release, much to his embarrassment.After cleaning himself up with his t-shirt, he found he couldn’t meet Richard’s eyes. When Richard asks what's wrong, the explanation "I didn’t really give a good showing just then."
And then they fall asleep happily ever after. I also have to note that Paul not only behaves and resembles a cat, he and Richard don't use much predicates either: “You okay?” and You mad at me?
So, the end. I'm waiting for the next masterpiece.