the goodness of bad slash...
Ladies and gentlemen allow me to present you "Yulia", my new discovery in the "Bad Rammstein Fanfic Slash" field... She is such a fan - first she didn't know whether Richard can cook, now, she writes about a certain CHRISTOPHE Schneider. Yes, Christophe. I though that first I read wrong, then that it was an accident. But no, she writes his name like that all the time.
Anyway... Let the story begin!
So, Christophe Schneider is yelling at his ex girl friend during a phone conversation. After he slams the phone, he gets another call. It's a figment of Yulia's imagination, wearing the very imaginative name "Alice Smith". She is the wife of James, Christophe Schneider's best friend outside the band. Of course, the way Christophe Schneider talks with Alice Smith appears as if he didn't know until that moment the wife of his best friend, James. Should I comment about the best friend of a drummer of a German band, the said best friend wearing obvious English/American names? Well, it can be possible...
Anyway, the said Alice Smith called to announce Christophe Schneider that James, his best friend committed suicide. Sad news indeed. But the way the author put it, makes me snicker.
“And what about James? How’s my old buddy doing?”
“He’s even worse…
“And what about James? How’s my old buddy doing?”
“He’s even worse…
The guy was depressed, he had 2 previous attempts, but he had treatment, this shouldn't have had happen... But, you know, third time, lucky!
Then comes the mind boggling stuff.
“When’s the funeral?” Schneider asked gently.
“In one-and-a-half weeks. You will come, won’t you?”
What the hell were doing with the body all that time, me asks. I think they were making it a mummy, like the ancient Egyptians used to do. Jamses the 1st, I assume.
The conversation finishes, and Christophe seems to be obviously upset about this. What does he do? Well, he...
went downstairs in search of comfort food. Obviously he has some eating disorder if he does that. Not to mention that he seems to behave more like a chick with an elongated clit.
But then.... OH MY GOSH... the HORROR happens! Flake appears and starts playing with the precious bikkies and choccies!!!
“Want a cookie?” a voice, which was unmistakably Flake’s, asked, waving the packet right under Christophe’s nose.
Schneider froze.
“Actually, on second thoughts, I think I want some chocolate.” Flake reached over Schneider with his other hand and grabbed the block. “Or do I want the cookies? Cookies or chocolate? Cookies or chocolate?” he asked himself, moving his arms up and down as if he was weighing the food.
Christophe couldn’t take this right now. He was already on edge, and Flake acting like this was making him even more edgy.
“Actually Schneider, is there anything left from the cake you made yesterday, or has Till eaten it all?”
“I think there’s one or two pieces left,” Christophe muttered, trying to keep his voice under control. Flake’s closeness was nice, and Schneider was enjoying it because it was such a rare thing. He didn’t want to break it, but…”
“Look, Flake, I have to go…” he heard himself say, hi voice choked. He turned around and rushed off to his room, leaving behind a very puzzled Flake.
Now, Flake, whatta bad boy, almost to give Christophe a heart attack! To play like that with the most important and precious thing in this world: the cookies and the chocolate! What's a man without his chocolate and cookies???? Really, now!
But Christophe can't handle it anymore so he runs (in tears) to his room and hides in bed. But Flake follows him, with the cookies and the chocolate, all, because he's a good (girl)friend, worried about Christophe. And he wants to know what's going on, so he asks:
“Christophe? Christophe honey, what’s wrong?” Flake asked worriedly, hoping that Christophe wouldn’t notice Flake accidentally calling him ‘honey’.
Flake is worried because he accidentaly heard the phone convo Christophe had. Christophe wonders how come Flake heard.
“I think half of Berlin heard you. What is this about?” Flake asked.
Yeah, I assume the former snitches to STASI still do their job or something... Back then half of the city, country, etc snitched to the the political police about what the other half was doing. Or at least that's what it used to be here so assume it was somewhat similar back then, there, too.
Of course, Christophe tells Flake what was all that about and he cries like a baby at his mom's breast. And the only intelligent thing Flake says for comfort is:
“Don’t cry… Please…” Flake said, wiping away Christophe’s tears gently.
Then something else happen:
Christophe put his own hand on top of Flake’s, which was still on his face.
Flake was sitting on Christophe's face??? On top of Flake's what???
Then, the mandatory kiss occurs. Of course they love each other, even if they've never been with another man or anything. Of course they are meant to be together and all the jazz.
He expected Christophe to pull back, but Christophe kissed him back. Christophe’s hand came to rest on Flake’s back as the pair passionately kissed.
It's only me who finds the last sentence to sound completely wrong?
Flake was the first to break the kiss. He took Christophe in a hug. “I’ve wanted to be with you for so long…” he whispered into Schneider’s ear.
Christophe ran his finger up Flake’s back, making Flake shiver. “But you always seemed so…neutral with me…” he said to Flake.
Yeah, Christophe and Switzerland.
“That’s because I didn’t know how you felt… Every time you were with someone, they were always female…So, you know, I assumed that you-” Flake started to explain.
They hug each other and that's it. Ze End. Good night kiddies! It used to be the "absurd" in literature, now it's the "nothing". The new trend, really :P
Anyway... Let the story begin!
So, Christophe Schneider is yelling at his ex girl friend during a phone conversation. After he slams the phone, he gets another call. It's a figment of Yulia's imagination, wearing the very imaginative name "Alice Smith". She is the wife of James, Christophe Schneider's best friend outside the band. Of course, the way Christophe Schneider talks with Alice Smith appears as if he didn't know until that moment the wife of his best friend, James. Should I comment about the best friend of a drummer of a German band, the said best friend wearing obvious English/American names? Well, it can be possible...
Anyway, the said Alice Smith called to announce Christophe Schneider that James, his best friend committed suicide. Sad news indeed. But the way the author put it, makes me snicker.
“And what about James? How’s my old buddy doing?”
“He’s even worse…
“And what about James? How’s my old buddy doing?”
“He’s even worse…
The guy was depressed, he had 2 previous attempts, but he had treatment, this shouldn't have had happen... But, you know, third time, lucky!
Then comes the mind boggling stuff.
“When’s the funeral?” Schneider asked gently.
“In one-and-a-half weeks. You will come, won’t you?”
What the hell were doing with the body all that time, me asks. I think they were making it a mummy, like the ancient Egyptians used to do. Jamses the 1st, I assume.
The conversation finishes, and Christophe seems to be obviously upset about this. What does he do? Well, he...
went downstairs in search of comfort food. Obviously he has some eating disorder if he does that. Not to mention that he seems to behave more like a chick with an elongated clit.
But then.... OH MY GOSH... the HORROR happens! Flake appears and starts playing with the precious bikkies and choccies!!!
“Want a cookie?” a voice, which was unmistakably Flake’s, asked, waving the packet right under Christophe’s nose.
Schneider froze.
“Actually, on second thoughts, I think I want some chocolate.” Flake reached over Schneider with his other hand and grabbed the block. “Or do I want the cookies? Cookies or chocolate? Cookies or chocolate?” he asked himself, moving his arms up and down as if he was weighing the food.
Christophe couldn’t take this right now. He was already on edge, and Flake acting like this was making him even more edgy.
“Actually Schneider, is there anything left from the cake you made yesterday, or has Till eaten it all?”
“I think there’s one or two pieces left,” Christophe muttered, trying to keep his voice under control. Flake’s closeness was nice, and Schneider was enjoying it because it was such a rare thing. He didn’t want to break it, but…”
“Look, Flake, I have to go…” he heard himself say, hi voice choked. He turned around and rushed off to his room, leaving behind a very puzzled Flake.
Now, Flake, whatta bad boy, almost to give Christophe a heart attack! To play like that with the most important and precious thing in this world: the cookies and the chocolate! What's a man without his chocolate and cookies???? Really, now!
But Christophe can't handle it anymore so he runs (in tears) to his room and hides in bed. But Flake follows him, with the cookies and the chocolate, all, because he's a good (girl)friend, worried about Christophe. And he wants to know what's going on, so he asks:
“Christophe? Christophe honey, what’s wrong?” Flake asked worriedly, hoping that Christophe wouldn’t notice Flake accidentally calling him ‘honey’.
Flake is worried because he accidentaly heard the phone convo Christophe had. Christophe wonders how come Flake heard.
“I think half of Berlin heard you. What is this about?” Flake asked.
Yeah, I assume the former snitches to STASI still do their job or something... Back then half of the city, country, etc snitched to the the political police about what the other half was doing. Or at least that's what it used to be here so assume it was somewhat similar back then, there, too.
Of course, Christophe tells Flake what was all that about and he cries like a baby at his mom's breast. And the only intelligent thing Flake says for comfort is:
“Don’t cry… Please…” Flake said, wiping away Christophe’s tears gently.
Then something else happen:
Christophe put his own hand on top of Flake’s, which was still on his face.
Flake was sitting on Christophe's face??? On top of Flake's what???
Then, the mandatory kiss occurs. Of course they love each other, even if they've never been with another man or anything. Of course they are meant to be together and all the jazz.
He expected Christophe to pull back, but Christophe kissed him back. Christophe’s hand came to rest on Flake’s back as the pair passionately kissed.
It's only me who finds the last sentence to sound completely wrong?
Flake was the first to break the kiss. He took Christophe in a hug. “I’ve wanted to be with you for so long…” he whispered into Schneider’s ear.
Christophe ran his finger up Flake’s back, making Flake shiver. “But you always seemed so…neutral with me…” he said to Flake.
Yeah, Christophe and Switzerland.
“That’s because I didn’t know how you felt… Every time you were with someone, they were always female…So, you know, I assumed that you-” Flake started to explain.
They hug each other and that's it. Ze End. Good night kiddies! It used to be the "absurd" in literature, now it's the "nothing". The new trend, really :P