STUPID TALK ABOUT NOTHING
A) My roommate never ever leaves his room anymore to do anything...tonight he stayed home and just got hammered by himself while his girlfriend watched. Its 5 30 AM and he is puking everywhere, she is helping me which is basically giving me absolutely no opportunity to sleep whatsoever.
B) Part of this is not his fault as I have had massive problems sleeping for several days now.
C) Andrea is cleaning up the vomit. She is such an incredible person, often very underappreciated.
D) I've been acting like a sad baby tonight for so many reasons. Basically I am a girl and am incapable of having a good time in college to just go out and act like a college person. Instead of just having a good time and trying to meet people, I get all of the crushes (some more severe than others) and care only about them and totally limit myself. This isn't a fit of self loathing, that is to say, Im not depressed that these people dont like me, and im not depressed that bc im not getting girls (i really could get many), but rather I am wondering what is this oddidity in me that has me focussing on these, like, 5 or 6 girls at a time and shut only everyone else completely out.
The biggest problem is on night like tonight, when I go to two parties and run into so many of these girls and just witness them all hooking up with random people. It all went to hell when I worked the courage to make a move on one of these girls and ended up dancing with her for a while, but ultimately got rejected nasty style. Then I actually made a play and a "random" girl only to be rejected in the most insulting way, to sum it up, she was kind of a bitch. What made matters worse is the one girl that top the list for me was with the worst guy of them all. And I had to hear her friend spend the whole night talk about what a mistake she is making for being drunk with this asshole. It also doesn't help that your two best friends that you've been hanging out with are super popular people that everyone loves.
E) Point of all this mierda is that I just dont get what is wrong with me/what I want. I dont get why I cant hang out, have a good time, maybe put a move or two and some girls on the dancefloor, and move on. They say the best "players" trick (well besides treating girls like shit) is that they have a short term memory, every time they fail, they brush it off and go to the next person. With me, every rejection lingers with me all night long. And even if I were this player that my friends are, I don't want that at all. Ultimately I really want a somehow, somewhat of a semblance of some relationship, someone that is around you and is willing to do shit (i.e. clean up your vomit like my roomate's gf (ps he is still throwing up as i write this)). I guess the main problem is that I am just WAY WAY too picky. And even if I werent, nobody in college is looking for anything past one night, especially girls. I dont know, I guess I just get like this, like a cry baby, when I see this girls that have no idea how I feel, and yet so many of them act like guys are jerks and no one ever pays attention to them, when their lifestyle shows that they actually want the exact opposite as what they say.
F) I guess I just need to stop being a such a baby about all of this. I mean, it really isnt that big of a deal, but tonight put me in a bad mood, and which my roomate being a drunken idiot and keeping me up, and the fact that so many, and i mean MANY, of my friends (especially the jerks) are all now dating and in these great relationships, I figured Id finally let out some of my ranting through some sort of medium. I am happy for them, I am just a super jealous bc I want that for me.
G) The funny thing is when I used to write in this often, I always felt I was limited bc I had to take into account the people I know that read it. But for once, I totally know no one on earth reads this, so my words have been 100% sincere. Even if someone were to read this, they wouldnt be people I see on a regular basis.
PS I am very thankful with my life. I go to a great school, have great friends, and most importantly, have a great family
PPS South Florida sports teams are caca
PPSS It is now 5 52, and my roomate is STILL throwing up.
PPPPSS I feel like im a 10th grade awkward kid ranting about my problems again....it feels pretty good
B) Part of this is not his fault as I have had massive problems sleeping for several days now.
C) Andrea is cleaning up the vomit. She is such an incredible person, often very underappreciated.
D) I've been acting like a sad baby tonight for so many reasons. Basically I am a girl and am incapable of having a good time in college to just go out and act like a college person. Instead of just having a good time and trying to meet people, I get all of the crushes (some more severe than others) and care only about them and totally limit myself. This isn't a fit of self loathing, that is to say, Im not depressed that these people dont like me, and im not depressed that bc im not getting girls (i really could get many), but rather I am wondering what is this oddidity in me that has me focussing on these, like, 5 or 6 girls at a time and shut only everyone else completely out.
The biggest problem is on night like tonight, when I go to two parties and run into so many of these girls and just witness them all hooking up with random people. It all went to hell when I worked the courage to make a move on one of these girls and ended up dancing with her for a while, but ultimately got rejected nasty style. Then I actually made a play and a "random" girl only to be rejected in the most insulting way, to sum it up, she was kind of a bitch. What made matters worse is the one girl that top the list for me was with the worst guy of them all. And I had to hear her friend spend the whole night talk about what a mistake she is making for being drunk with this asshole. It also doesn't help that your two best friends that you've been hanging out with are super popular people that everyone loves.
E) Point of all this mierda is that I just dont get what is wrong with me/what I want. I dont get why I cant hang out, have a good time, maybe put a move or two and some girls on the dancefloor, and move on. They say the best "players" trick (well besides treating girls like shit) is that they have a short term memory, every time they fail, they brush it off and go to the next person. With me, every rejection lingers with me all night long. And even if I were this player that my friends are, I don't want that at all. Ultimately I really want a somehow, somewhat of a semblance of some relationship, someone that is around you and is willing to do shit (i.e. clean up your vomit like my roomate's gf (ps he is still throwing up as i write this)). I guess the main problem is that I am just WAY WAY too picky. And even if I werent, nobody in college is looking for anything past one night, especially girls. I dont know, I guess I just get like this, like a cry baby, when I see this girls that have no idea how I feel, and yet so many of them act like guys are jerks and no one ever pays attention to them, when their lifestyle shows that they actually want the exact opposite as what they say.
F) I guess I just need to stop being a such a baby about all of this. I mean, it really isnt that big of a deal, but tonight put me in a bad mood, and which my roomate being a drunken idiot and keeping me up, and the fact that so many, and i mean MANY, of my friends (especially the jerks) are all now dating and in these great relationships, I figured Id finally let out some of my ranting through some sort of medium. I am happy for them, I am just a super jealous bc I want that for me.
G) The funny thing is when I used to write in this often, I always felt I was limited bc I had to take into account the people I know that read it. But for once, I totally know no one on earth reads this, so my words have been 100% sincere. Even if someone were to read this, they wouldnt be people I see on a regular basis.
PS I am very thankful with my life. I go to a great school, have great friends, and most importantly, have a great family
PPS South Florida sports teams are caca
PPSS It is now 5 52, and my roomate is STILL throwing up.
PPPPSS I feel like im a 10th grade awkward kid ranting about my problems again....it feels pretty good