Like we used to
It's been so long since I've felt like everything has been really ok. My heart has been in a weird place for a while. I broke up with Beatriz almost 7 months ago now and it still feels so fresh. I though your only supposed to take 3 months per each year of the breakup to get over it? Who knows. Were friends now but of course I got feelings for her again and she dosnt feel the same. Which is honestly fine, at least I know where I stand with that. And I've been talking to a few girls here and there but really no one with any substance. Years ago I would have been flattered by the attention from them but at this point I'm just not impressed. Like I need someone at least half as deep as me and with the same sarcastic sense of humor and a geeky girl would be lovely. I was out to dinner tonight with my friend Larry and noticed this cute girl like looking at me at least once every 5 min. And we kept meeting glances and I would have easily gone up to her but she was with her grandma and her mom and I would have felt way too awkward to approach her and talk to her. So she got up to leave and did the "this is me awkwardly checking my phone" thing. I was about to say hi and her family walked by again. Double fail.
I guess really everything was cool with that. Would have liked to talk to her but I suppose it wasn't supposed to be that way. Either way my heart has been in a tough spot in other ways. My friend who was dating my other friend is continuously making the female friend's life difficult with the breaking up and getting back together nearly once a week. And playing both sides of that friendship is daunting as well as uncomfortable. Things get ugly when your involved with friends on a lvl like that and it's just bad. Funny thing is that she's the one that I go to the most with what's going on in my life and I feel like when She's involved with all this drama I should really not burden her with my own troubles. So no matter where I turn there's another friend that I'm helping, which don't get me wrong, feels great to be able to help, but leaves me with basically no one to talk to. Sooo I'm kinda left to my own devices with stress and no place to discharge. Blah. But whatever I suppose. Felt kinda good to type it so that's good. In other news, sneaker collection has reached 17 and goig strong. Thinking about picking up a pair of bright blue and white DC villans to tomorrow. I've also lost enough weight to rock skinny jeans properly. And I got a pair from Guess so they're actually made well and are comfortable. So I'm kinda rocking out some bold fashions for the hell of it now. I've got like 3 different styles that I'm wearing so it's kinda fun to feel a bit different with each one. Bah.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.