fic: simple deduction, RDJude, rps
Fic: Simple Deduction (parts I & II, status complete)
Author: Nakanna Lee
Pairing: RDJude
Rating: Mature
Summary: Robert’s the master observer, and Jude finds he has to work harder than usual for what he wants.
Word Count: 4,000
Warnings: Some dom/sub and asphyxiation allusions but nothing too intense.
Disclaimer: None of this is true, but it is pretty. XD
During filming it was always a hand applying welcome pressure to Jude’s shoulder, eyes that lingered too long, laughing that warmed and clenched his stomach. Jude never had to work for attention and so no longer exerted much effort. Still. The way Robert hung about, finding reasons to touch his arm here or trail fingers down his back there, should have raised an alarm in him.
He thought all this after the fact. In the moment Robert had an ability to slow things down, make everything pop with detail. Jude initially wrote it off as being character prep. Soon, though, he realized it was Robert being Robert, getting under the skin and curling up there with a mischievous, shit-eating smirk.
“You see? Black shirt, skinny jeans, boots. Wait, don’t look when I look, make it subtle, Jude, all right, over at the third table?”
They were in a pub one night, early into filming, and Robert was picking apart the surrounding crowd. Most of the people were from set. Jude turned round and caught sight of the woman Robert was referring to, a dark-haired curvature ordinarily handling the boom.
“Cleans up nicely,” Jude said. He hadn’t had a chance to really approach any of the women, though, since most of his nights were composed of Robert and so far that was all he’d wanted.
“Ah,” Robert said, raising his brows and taking another measured drink of his Stella. Jude had never seen him drunk, and he was usually home before midnight. Jude wished he stayed out later. “Might I draw your attention to the fact that that same frilly shirt is in Rachel’s costume department? And the soles of her boots have the slightest bit of fresh mud on them, but it hasn’t rained here-miraculously-for two weeks. Except for our staged London alleyways. So it would appear she’s taken those from set, too.”
Jude strained his eyes to see detail. “So she’s a bit of a lifter?”
Robert nodded, looked down, then gestured for Jude to lean forward. “I heard,” Robert said, “that she steals your Victorian undergarments.”
There was a beat. “Robert…”
“She’s turned them into pillowcases for herself.”
Jude rolled his eyes and leaned back on his bar stool. “Robert, don’t be ridiculous.” Robert broke into a grin and Jude matched it. He ran a hand over his mouth. “You did have me on, though.”
“Well I’m not saying others don’t steal your clothes.”
“Really.” Jude scanned the bar, observing the women, making mental lists. “And which one does?”
Robert shrugged and casually opened his blazer further, revealing a bluish gray v-neck beneath.
“How did you…?” Jude said.
“Holmes would do no different,” Robert said. He ran fingers up and down the neckline, which made the heat that started in Jude’s stomach drift lower and settle between his legs.
Jude swallowed, composed himself. This was not promising.
Robert’s eyes dropped, and Jude was hyperaware of the fact that Robert’s eyes were watching his adam’s apple bob. He tensed and Robert looked at him again, grinning. Robert lowered his chin to his chest and inhaled, as if he could drift into meditation.
“Still smells like you,” he said, and went on as if that should not have made every nerve in Jude’s spine crackle.
***
Jude spent the afternoon on set waiting to film. Robert had unintentionally given him the day off, and all because of a stunningly troubling French sentence.
“You saw, you heard,” Robert said during a break. He had Jude cornered on set. “I did this for hours yesterday.”
“So I recall,” Jude said. He smirked and looked elsewhere as if the air was much more interesting. “I believe you tortured me with the repetition of that one line. I believe I got drunk to the tune of that one line.”
“Madly drunk,” Robert agreed. He hadn’t dropped the accent yet, and it made Jude’s mouth twitch to watch Robert layered in Holmes’ clothes. “And was it not pristine, Watson? The syllables were like jewels, not a single breath less fine than that ring I bought for you and Mary-”
“Maybe Robert knows the French better than Holmes does. And please don’t call me Watson.”
“As long as you rock the ‘tasche, you’ll always be Watson to me.” Robert said it faux solemnly. He reached out and gently brushed the corners of Jude’s facial hair with his fingers. Jude wanted to laugh but suddenly Robert seemed too close, Robert’s breath bounding off Jude’s mouth.
“Wanker,” Jude said. He felt his voice breaking so he threw the pieces into a laugh as he shoved Robert from him. “Any more from you and I will shave this immediately.”
“And once more you will be my Judesie.”
“Please remind me to kill you.”
“Perfect. Tonight, over dinner?”
“Only if you get this line right.”
“Of course, Watson.”
Jude was still smiling, so when Robert scooped up his face and kissed him on the mouth it was too shocking to change expression. Blood poured into Jude’s face. Robert’s fingers had felt noticeably warm against Jude’s ears. Both his thumbs had rested on his chin. And he was certain Robert had made a very loud smacking sound as he’d pulled away.
Pulled away. How long was it? Jude blinked twice, trying to remember what had just happened. It seemed already like months ago, years ago, like it had happened to another person, another version of himself. It had happened to Watson.
***
Jude’s whole day was composed of Robert. He hadn’t spent this much time with a cast member since-well, since ever, and while it was fun and entertaining it was quickly becoming far less relaxing.
Dinners especially. They’d be out alone and everything would be fine, but the second they dined as a group inevitably Robert’s hand would curl around Jude’s knee. Then gone. Or Robert’s fingers would glide up the inside of his leg. Then gone. At one point, Robert laughed into the crook of Jude’s neck, hot and breathy, in front of everyone.
If he was drunk, it would be one thing. But he never was. His blatant disregard, his poise, were maddening.
At one point, conversation drifted to center around Guy, and Jude took the opportunity to glare at Robert as they waited to be served.
“What the hell are you doing?” Jude hissed.
“Hmm?” Robert glanced at him, smiled, and returned his attention to more important things. He tilted his mouth to Jude’s ear and whispered, “See that? Four tables over, the one in the blue dress with the fake diamond necklace?”
Jude could almost feel Robert’s tongue against his lobe. He clenched his jaw, reminded himself he was in public, and played along.
“How-how can you tell they’re fake? The diamonds.”
“Oh,” Robert said, his hand beginning to move, “I have a talent for guessing how authentic rocks are.”
Jude jumped, grabbing the lip of the table as Robert brushed his palm over his groin.
Everyone looked at him. He made some blurry excuse and practically shoved Robert out of the way as he headed for the restroom.
***
It was time, Jude thought, to get even.
From what he could tell, Robert was satisfied enough with teasing. Jude decided not to allow him even that. He made up excuses. He skipped pub nights. He went to the gym without Robert. He side-stepped dinner. And he consciously kept a good arm’s length between the two of them.
Jude could tell Robert was at first confused, then pissed. Then sulky. Jude bit back a smile every time he evaded Robert’s extended shoulder-rubs or hugs. It felt good, being free. There was something about not being tied down and controlled. Jude liked the fact he could upset people.
Guy pulled him aside two months in and asked what had happened. He said they were just missing each other onscreen.
“An experiment,” Jude said without concern.
“Fix it,” Guy said. He walked away, and Jude caught sight of Robert hovering around the corner, listening, eyes intense.
Jude barely got through filming that day. He bristled at Robert throughout, and afterwards disappeared without any goodbyes to anyone.
That night he returned to a familiar pub alone. He found the curvy, dark-haired boom woman with some friends and drew her away, buying her drinks, kissing her neck, tonguing her ear.
“You want to go somewhere?” she asked. Her fingers skipped up his thigh. He took her hand and guided it to his groin. She squeezed lightly.
“Fine, come on,” Jude said. He glanced around the pub one last time, annoyed that Robert’s face was missing among the crowd.
***
Jude took stock. He was missing three v-necks, a white dress shirt, two blazers, slacks, and a scarf. All of these he’d kept in his own flat, so how Robert managed to sneak in and filch them was beyond him.
“Talented, you are,” Jude said to him on set the next day. They were taking a break from trampling about in water against a green screen.
“MIA, you are,” Robert replied. He wasn’t short or angry, Jude was surprised to find, but rather distant. His hair was soaked. Jude felt a pang in his stomach but moved on. “Have fun last night?”
“Yeah, fine. Did the pub.”
“Tech crew says you did something else, too,” Robert said. To Jude’s puzzled embarrassment, Robert grinned. “The women who didn’t fuck you seem to know more about it then the woman who did.”
Jude glanced over Robert’s face. There was no jealousy there, no anger. Jude hesitated, then tried a low laugh. “So they’re chatting up a storm?”
“Not really. I just did some investigative research,” Robert said.
Jude meant only to glance at him, give him a sardonic look, but instead his eyes got trapped on the hooking smile careening across Robert’s face.
“Background information,” Robert clarified. “I need to know what kind of womanizer I’m dealing with.”
“It’s not the same as Watson, you know,” Jude said. “I’m not playing him as me.”
“Fortunately I’m not that interested in Watson,” Robert said. He acted as if he were speaking about the weather. “It’s your pants I want access to.”
Jude stuttered onto silence, heat rising from his neck to his cheeks.
Ready guys?” Guy called, returning to set.
Robert slipped back into Holmes’ accent. He stared at Jude. “If you’d be so kind,” he said.
part II