Smile Like You Mean It (He Doesn't Know)
Mother frustrations. Ugh. Cramping. Double UGGGGHHHH!!!!!
Brian didn't get home until almost one this morning. That was fine, in itself, because I know he was with his brother and sister all day. Then he told me that he took Matt over to Heather's and I can't say that it din't upset me. (Katie, I know you're probably laughing at me right now. Yeah, it still bothers me. I can't help it and I can't let it go. I hate that about myself.)
How do I explain Heather, aside from the obvious? She's tall and thin and pretty... she's a very very cool woman (Age: 31), with three very funny and bright kids. And she wants Brian. I want to hate her so bad, just for that, but I can't because she's such a warm, fun and kind person and she's only ever been nice to me. I can't help feeling bad around her because my jealousy eats away at me when I see how much she likes him. It's like, on a certain level, she deserves him so much more than I do and that kills me. He knows that she likes him, and he told me that if he hadn't started dating me he might have tried to date her... and hearing that doesn't really help my part of the situation.
On top of that, I know that a lot of people that Brian works with, including Heather, and his boss, Steve, don't like that fact that he's moving to Co. And the only reason he really had the chance to go to Co., is through me, I suppose. That is, it was my idea to move out there. I suspect Steve doesn't like me for this reason.
The other part of this problem is guilt. Guilt because I'm starting to find myself attracted to other people, crushing on them. When I first started dating Brian, there were no other members of the opposite sex. I was so fascinated, so hooked that no one else (guy-wise, sexually) really mattered. This dilemma snuck up on me, after The Kittens brought this guy over to the house Cohoctah. His name was Kris ( GORGEOUS!! Total Maggie sort of Hot, dark complected, NICEST ARMS I HAVE EVER SEEN ON A TWENTY YEAR OLD GUY. Smart... incredibly smart and well spoken with a good taste in music,) and he's still been kinda floating around my head though Keegan and I think he could be gay. And have been some other people too... Not worth mentioning though, I guess.
Just got off the phone with Brian. He told me he should have stayed at Matt's. And that he was stressing about our move.
He doesn't want to go now. I just know it.
So now, at this point, I'm freaking out. We just put all of our crap into a storage unit. I JUST SOLD MY CAR, we gave up the house we were living in, and where are we supposed to go now, if not to Colorado??? Doesn't he realize that this is just as scary for me? That I've had my doubts, but that we're doing this to improve our situation?
I have this overwhelming feeling that we aren't going. Or maybe just I am.
Brian didn't get home until almost one this morning. That was fine, in itself, because I know he was with his brother and sister all day. Then he told me that he took Matt over to Heather's and I can't say that it din't upset me. (Katie, I know you're probably laughing at me right now. Yeah, it still bothers me. I can't help it and I can't let it go. I hate that about myself.)
How do I explain Heather, aside from the obvious? She's tall and thin and pretty... she's a very very cool woman (Age: 31), with three very funny and bright kids. And she wants Brian. I want to hate her so bad, just for that, but I can't because she's such a warm, fun and kind person and she's only ever been nice to me. I can't help feeling bad around her because my jealousy eats away at me when I see how much she likes him. It's like, on a certain level, she deserves him so much more than I do and that kills me. He knows that she likes him, and he told me that if he hadn't started dating me he might have tried to date her... and hearing that doesn't really help my part of the situation.
On top of that, I know that a lot of people that Brian works with, including Heather, and his boss, Steve, don't like that fact that he's moving to Co. And the only reason he really had the chance to go to Co., is through me, I suppose. That is, it was my idea to move out there. I suspect Steve doesn't like me for this reason.
The other part of this problem is guilt. Guilt because I'm starting to find myself attracted to other people, crushing on them. When I first started dating Brian, there were no other members of the opposite sex. I was so fascinated, so hooked that no one else (guy-wise, sexually) really mattered. This dilemma snuck up on me, after The Kittens brought this guy over to the house Cohoctah. His name was Kris ( GORGEOUS!! Total Maggie sort of Hot, dark complected, NICEST ARMS I HAVE EVER SEEN ON A TWENTY YEAR OLD GUY. Smart... incredibly smart and well spoken with a good taste in music,) and he's still been kinda floating around my head though Keegan and I think he could be gay. And have been some other people too... Not worth mentioning though, I guess.
Just got off the phone with Brian. He told me he should have stayed at Matt's. And that he was stressing about our move.
He doesn't want to go now. I just know it.
So now, at this point, I'm freaking out. We just put all of our crap into a storage unit. I JUST SOLD MY CAR, we gave up the house we were living in, and where are we supposed to go now, if not to Colorado??? Doesn't he realize that this is just as scary for me? That I've had my doubts, but that we're doing this to improve our situation?
I have this overwhelming feeling that we aren't going. Or maybe just I am.