just a faint fucking reminder of who i used to be
quite a lot has happened since last may, as anyone would suspect. not sure why i stopped posting, but i can't promise that it's gonna be any different this time around.
shortly after my last post, chris and i broke up. i was working in tampa, he worked third shift, we fought a lot, blah blah. and that was pretty much the rest of may. oh, except we got kitties.
in june nothing really happened.
in july i turned 21, as did abby, and her and i went to orlando and had good fun. also in july i left the theater job in tampa as it was way too far a drive and blah blah. i got a job at target.
in august, we had a family reunion in north carolina. while i was up there i resolved to quit drinking and to start living healthier and i got all sorts of into proverbial ways of thinking and starting to be more forgiving. also in august, i decided i was still in love with chris and went to tell him and then found out he was involved with some girl that i've never liked and blah blah. that was depressing, but whatever, because it was nothing compared to what happened next.
on august 25th, my good friend michael amyx killed himself. needless to say i quit quitting drinking and fuck everything else, because it's all stupid and worthless anyways.
a whole bunch of hell.
then in september i started dating randy, who's very sweet and awesome and amazing and we're very serious.
at some point the theater re-opened under new management.
october, nothing really happened but halloween.
november was thanksgiving. also in late november i quit target because some jack ass employee there kept harrassing my friend carrie and i so fuck that. and now i'm working at the theater again. as a concessionist.
december was christmas. and then new year's. and that brings us to now. granted, there's a whole bunch of shit i left out because i don't have time to try and remember everything that nearly got the best of me.
at this current time, i'm incredibly depressed and for the first time ever i explained what goes on in my head to someone. and i think i freaked randy out. and i'm sure he's secretly putting me on suicide watch, but whatever. i've also decided to take a break from school until i figure out what i actually want to do. since my last post, i've changed my major a good 2 or 3 more times. it doesn't make sense to keep going when i can't focus on what i want from it. so i'm going to put it on hold until i know for sure what i want. during this time, i'm going to fix my stupid stupid life. by the end of this year i hope to have paid off my credit cards, gotten my own place, and a new car. it seems feasible as of now. i have yet to tell my mom. i'm prepared for anything she could say or do to me, less she calls me a disappointment or something along those lines, because there's my worst fear realized and that's too much for me to handle right now.
i'm not excited for this new year at all, because every year seems worse than the last, at least for me. my friends and i are currently trying to get in contact with a friend of ours who we're very scared for, and are afraid we might have another suicide on our hands soon. no, it's NOT me.
however, in april, randy and i are hoping to take a vacation up to new york. visit friends, family, places, whatever. he'll be my first boyfriend to meet my dad.
well, here's hoping for a good year for once.
oh, ps- in april, i'll be a godmother. abby's preggers. woo!
shortly after my last post, chris and i broke up. i was working in tampa, he worked third shift, we fought a lot, blah blah. and that was pretty much the rest of may. oh, except we got kitties.
in june nothing really happened.
in july i turned 21, as did abby, and her and i went to orlando and had good fun. also in july i left the theater job in tampa as it was way too far a drive and blah blah. i got a job at target.
in august, we had a family reunion in north carolina. while i was up there i resolved to quit drinking and to start living healthier and i got all sorts of into proverbial ways of thinking and starting to be more forgiving. also in august, i decided i was still in love with chris and went to tell him and then found out he was involved with some girl that i've never liked and blah blah. that was depressing, but whatever, because it was nothing compared to what happened next.
on august 25th, my good friend michael amyx killed himself. needless to say i quit quitting drinking and fuck everything else, because it's all stupid and worthless anyways.
a whole bunch of hell.
then in september i started dating randy, who's very sweet and awesome and amazing and we're very serious.
at some point the theater re-opened under new management.
october, nothing really happened but halloween.
november was thanksgiving. also in late november i quit target because some jack ass employee there kept harrassing my friend carrie and i so fuck that. and now i'm working at the theater again. as a concessionist.
december was christmas. and then new year's. and that brings us to now. granted, there's a whole bunch of shit i left out because i don't have time to try and remember everything that nearly got the best of me.
at this current time, i'm incredibly depressed and for the first time ever i explained what goes on in my head to someone. and i think i freaked randy out. and i'm sure he's secretly putting me on suicide watch, but whatever. i've also decided to take a break from school until i figure out what i actually want to do. since my last post, i've changed my major a good 2 or 3 more times. it doesn't make sense to keep going when i can't focus on what i want from it. so i'm going to put it on hold until i know for sure what i want. during this time, i'm going to fix my stupid stupid life. by the end of this year i hope to have paid off my credit cards, gotten my own place, and a new car. it seems feasible as of now. i have yet to tell my mom. i'm prepared for anything she could say or do to me, less she calls me a disappointment or something along those lines, because there's my worst fear realized and that's too much for me to handle right now.
i'm not excited for this new year at all, because every year seems worse than the last, at least for me. my friends and i are currently trying to get in contact with a friend of ours who we're very scared for, and are afraid we might have another suicide on our hands soon. no, it's NOT me.
however, in april, randy and i are hoping to take a vacation up to new york. visit friends, family, places, whatever. he'll be my first boyfriend to meet my dad.
well, here's hoping for a good year for once.
oh, ps- in april, i'll be a godmother. abby's preggers. woo!