Problems On The Horizon
So.... John failed me. I was afraid of it happening, but it's a reality now. Which means I failed the program, and essentially, the classes I was passing. I don't know where to go next. I told someone already and he reacted badly, and he's very close to me. If he reacted this way, I'm afraid of how my stepmothers will react. Penny and Mia love me, but I don't know how they'd handle me failing college. I can imagine there'll be a screaming argument, but I'm not ready to face it. I've been suspicious that he would, but I was hoping.. against all doubts.. that he would let me pass. .. Today's the final for Math, tomorrow the final for English. I'm passing those... but does it matter anymore? I failed John's class, I failed the program.
I'm thinking about running. I know.. it's my defense mechanism, but I don't know what else to do. I feel.. trapped, hopeless, worthless. I'm crying, of course, because I'm afraid. How hormonal. I want to run away somewhere where no one knows my name and I can do whatever I want and die there without anyone ever saying, "See that girl, her, Tori? Yeah, she totally fucked up her life." And I have.
Yes, this is all my fault.. But I don't know what to do. I guess the best option is just to.. run.
I'm thinking about running. I know.. it's my defense mechanism, but I don't know what else to do. I feel.. trapped, hopeless, worthless. I'm crying, of course, because I'm afraid. How hormonal. I want to run away somewhere where no one knows my name and I can do whatever I want and die there without anyone ever saying, "See that girl, her, Tori? Yeah, she totally fucked up her life." And I have.
Yes, this is all my fault.. But I don't know what to do. I guess the best option is just to.. run.