(no subject)
((theres just too much that time cannot erase))
so i really dont think i could live without music it like totally affects my feelings.. if im in a bad mood and just like lay on my bed and chill and think and just relax ill be okay.. but if i hear certain songs they can really hurt me just by what they say.. its kind of crazy.. but i sort of like itt..
so lately i have had a lot of time for myself and i actually have been okay with it.. normally i get like really lonely and crazy.. but its amazing how much stronger ive gotten and just how much ive changed in the last five months.. its nice i like myself better cause as of right now i dont need to be doing something always and just i dont need to have my mind totally preoccupied in order not to be unhappy.. like im seriously so fulfilled.. i remember how i couldnt be alone for an hour without getting totally helpless and just ugh i was so dependent on other people and now i can just live my own life without having to have certain people everyday to make me smile.. even tho there are def. certain people in my life that make me extremely happy.. but people like that change all the time..
ive been with my dad lately and he was really mean the other night and just totally talking crazyness and he was totally whack but today he is a lot better and i guess he signed up for all of these help classes next month and im actually really really happy about that just because he needs it and its like he finally realizes that.. and i dont think they'll work and i dont actually think he'll go thru with going.. but at least he knows theres something wrong with him.. and just that much makes me that much happierr..nd he said "i love you kid" the other day.. seriously i dont even know the last time he said that to me.. it almost made me cry when he left my room.. it was so poignant.. :0)
so work has been a little exhausting lately and my dad doesnt want me working anymore i guess esp. cause school is starting and he wont allow that apparently.. but working and just relying on myself for things makes me feel better.. i think its more of me relying on myself that scares him cause normally im so insecure about everything and maybe its just tonight cause im normally not this secure but esp. after pigging out on peanut butter and jelly buttered toasted sandwhiches and salad haha.. but i dont kno.. i could get used to this..
maybe im pmsing.. almost cried by something my dad said.. and now im eating bundles.. hmm, def. pmsinggg--- haha maybe thats why im so okay right now haha.. oh well, its nice while its lasting..
((In your room, you sleep all day so nothing gets to you))
that line really reminds me of mother goose.. well at least the old her.. im really happy shes changing for the better or trying.. yeah she has her horrible nights.. but people mess upp.. and i tried hating her but its pretty much impossible cause i miss her like a second later haha.. and hating her makes me miss her more.. id do anything for her.. even though the other day she ditched me for her boyfriend that made me feel pretty low.. and she hung out with me like one day in forever and shes with him everyday.. i just thought that was a low blow.. but im used to itt.. and her not keeping her word def. hasnt changeed which is my by far biggest pet peeve ever.. that is the one thing that pisses me off more then anything.. when people dont keep their word.. god it pisses me off just thinking about it.. so if you want to make me really angry.. just dont keep your word and ill be totally flustered.. hmm, you dont even understand..
so i seriously fall in love with my dog more and more every day.. shes getting so much better. and like we put her on her leash and she just gets undone some how, shes like hoodini _spell check major_ but i was thinking about it and who would want to be put on a leashh.. not me.. so i cant really blame her.. and well she always follows me alone when im home and its just so darn cute.. and so when i let her out i just let her loose now and like you will open the door to the garage and she'll be like sleeping on the door step its so adorable or on the porch.. i cant handle how cute it is.. i <3 it..
so today i finally hung out with chris after he ditched me def. twice in like four days which is bogus if you ask me but im not going to get all worked up over it.. cause personally it isnt really worth it.. lol.. and yeah we went up to the english community center hahahaha.. and kevin, vlid lol vlid haha, mike, adam and just the boys were up there batting around and i fetched the ball of course i didnt mind.. and then when it was just me chris and adam they taught me how to bat and well i pretty much sucked but im sure they didnt expect much anyways.. and then chris started purposely hitting me with the ball and i pretty much hated that and it was pretty lame but adam was being so nice.. hes actually a really big sweetheart.. and skrine ive noticed is such a dick.. hmm, anyways.. then i was batting and i dont know how i managed to do it but i hit myself in the back of the head and it didnt feel too good so that ended my batting days.. haha.. and then we went up to quickee picked up a few goods like chocolate, diet dr. pepper, pepsi, chelsea-- you know the usual haha.. and then we went to chris's and watched --without a paddle-- good movie.. ((my minds telling me no, but my bodys tellling me yes)) such a good song-love it! and yeah its a funny movie.. good times.. went to mcdonalds. and then to chelseas for a little and then home.. and well im glad to be home..