(no subject)
I have a fucked up life. I have a fucked up family. I'm fucked up. I'm not a good person.
There are times when I want to just end it all. End all of it. Times like last night.
i dont know why god made it to be like that. am i that awful?
its nights like last night that make me question the greatness of god. and its sad. it really is.
Even after everything i'm not immune to it. i'm numb to a certain amount of pain. too much happened last night. i'm like a burn victim. im scarred and covered in dead skin. i feel nothing. sometimes its easier that way. sometimes its not.
i have to peel off the burnt skin to love someone. and ive been peeling it off slowly and surely. but the thing that goes along with that is when i peel of the scarred tissue i expose something that hasnt seen the light of day in so long and its so much easier to be damaged. i am thoroughly damaged.
its late and im tired.
im sorry adam.
i love you.
i do.
There are times when I want to just end it all. End all of it. Times like last night.
i dont know why god made it to be like that. am i that awful?
its nights like last night that make me question the greatness of god. and its sad. it really is.
Even after everything i'm not immune to it. i'm numb to a certain amount of pain. too much happened last night. i'm like a burn victim. im scarred and covered in dead skin. i feel nothing. sometimes its easier that way. sometimes its not.
i have to peel off the burnt skin to love someone. and ive been peeling it off slowly and surely. but the thing that goes along with that is when i peel of the scarred tissue i expose something that hasnt seen the light of day in so long and its so much easier to be damaged. i am thoroughly damaged.
its late and im tired.
im sorry adam.
i love you.
i do.